Love
They say you must love your self before you set your eyes on someone else
You are supposed to be your own first love
Well I was an exception, an error
I found myself seeking value in another man’s eyes
Because maybe, I just needed a little help
But when that help came, I craved an infinity of his words
Til I had to beg for him to shower me in the rare circumstance of a compliment
I already hated the way my face was structured
I already hated the way I could not control who I was
Now my codependancy had made it worse
I felt myself falling
Years of neglect from the world around me
The person I held closest to my heart now did the same
And I did not know when I’d reach rock bottom
I floated for years
At times unknowing of the damage, because I could not distinguish his faults from mine
He spat hate and disapproval into the well of no end
And when a quadrennial almost came to pass
I knew I’d landed
But within the arms of family
Midnights
The things that once excited me
Now lay shiftless in a grave
Buried too deep to be resuscitated.
The spirits of the things I once loved
Pranced around me during the witching hour,
A nightly reminder of how I killed them off.
Midnight lasted forever,
And the rain never ceased.
There were no days,
Only midnights and their preparations.
Passion and Drive were the first to go,
Seeking shelter from the endless flooding
And Pleasure and Satisfaction were not far behind.
Indifference stretched and reclaimed the vacancies for herself,
Placing sandbags around every doorway and window sill.
It became all too easy to believe
That nothing I did mattered,
And therefore,
Neither did I.
#depression
A Losing Battle
The people knelt silently with their heads bowed. A cough rang out from somewhere in their ranks, and as one, they tensed. Knees and shoulders ached, but not one of them dared to move.
Finally, from above them, a voice rang out.
"People of Trajim, I have gathered you here today to deliver tragic news. Scouts have told me that the people of Ahalis, people who we once called our allies, are preparing to strike against us. We must rally a defense. However, due to our recent disputes over borders, our forces are dwindled. It is time for all of our able-bodied men to step up, to defend their homes. Rise now as soldiers and defend your families!"
When no one moved, the king whistled sharply. Armored men stormed through the rows of kneeling people. All men, aside from the children and the elderly, were hauled away from the rest. Those left alone remained quiet; at least, until a boy barely of age was lifted to his feet. The woman beside him, his mother, grasped for him, but a soldier smacked her hand away. A low, wordless wail escaped the boy as he struggled to return to her side. "Please!" she shrieked, breaking the silence. "His mind is touched. Without a caretaker he can hardly survive. If he were to fight, he would surely be killed!"
"And his life will save many others," the king boomed.
"Will it?" the woman retorted. "I have friends in Ahalis, and from what they say it was you who began the war. A patrol of Ahalian soldiers was found slaughtered on our land."
A shocked gasp echoed through the crowd.
"You know as well as any of us that Ahalis will win this war. They have allies, while you have nothing but enemies. And yet still, instead of admitting your wrongs and trying to make peace, you will force innocent people to lay down their lives for you. Such a yellow-bellied king we have. "
His face red with anger, the king shouted, "Those are treacherous words, woman! You will be hanged for your insolence."
"So be it. A mother should always outlive her son, even if only by a short while."
The boy wailed again as the guards closed in around his mother. The soldiers holding him forced him to the ground as he tried to rush to her side.
"Hang me if you wish. Still our enemies will hear of this day, of your actions, and they will know you for the snivelling weakling you are."
"Silence!"
"Never. Even when I am quiet, others will not be. You will hear these words every time you turn around until you finally accept them as truth, you snake! Tyrant! Coward!"
"Guards! Silence this woman or I will have you all hanged alongside her!"
There was the sound of metal against metal, and then a sword flashed in the sunlight. The woman's mouth was frozen in an angry scream as her head rolled on the ground, leaving a trail of crimson.
The boy's struggles renewed as he watched his mother's body fall lifelessly. A continuous wail came out of his mouth, growing increasingly louder as time passed.
"See what rebellion will do?" the king asked, shouting to be heard over the boy's roar. "I am your king, and you will obey. We will fight this war. We will win. however, if you rise against me, you will not live long enough to see our victory."
The king's crown glinted as he turned and strode back into his palace. His men continued to move through the crowd, bringing forward all of those who were able to fight. Each man who was dragged away wore sorrow plainly on their faces. They knew they were being forced to march into a losing battle: they would never see their families again.
The people of Trajim let their despair be known to the sky, with the wailing boy as their voice.