Amphorous lava filled the basement

Oh, angels leave me,

Oh devil get on board

Sonorous screams

Oh angels forget me

Devil, come heal me

Stepping on blazing fire

Humans what a glee

Smoke emerging from the sea

Acid tearing me

Decrepit, leech sucking scarlet

Oh, angels where is She?

Burning down the hills

Melting ice in my dry drink

The carcass is all I see

Oh, tell me? Where is She? Where is God?

Give me the key

For my home which is now a destiny

Shadow is my enemy

Humans you see

You have made my home a hell

Billie's song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PZsSWwc9xA

something about the way you move through life

has never sat right with me. call it for what it is:

fluid motions / fitting into all the right corners.

bruised-backed stepping stones / you always needed more.

cast me to the night sky, banish your humble pluto,

shuffle constellations all you want - morality will sneak up on you.

someone is always watching. and i’m not saying that someone is me,

or that life, with its own two eyes, is glued to your every move.

i’m hoping you feel it in your soul / an unconscionable spark haunts for life.

hope you feel this wrongness in your bones / our scars have been demanding to heal.

follow your trail of devastation and correct your way back. maybe you’ll find me waiting,

maybe i won’t be. but you’ve got a chance to reverse fate - don’t let it slip away.

Why am I not afraid to die?

I’ve never feared it.

I never want to.

Maybe after death, we walk the world again,

And get more life then we expected.

Would it be so bad?

You're afraid because the risk is too big.

Everyone who left the world,

Never came back.

And we all will leave.

We don’t know what will become.

To walk off into the void,

Leaving behind everything.

You don’t know if it’s worth it.

But ready or not,

It will happen.

So live now,

Because if death really is as bad as it sounds,

Then make the most of being here.

Go ahead now,

Time is running out.

hearts do many wonders

they pump

mystic music

and allow others to

play our heartstrings

like a guitar.

hearts do many wonders

and mine

speaks

melodies

in my sleep

softly whispering words

to make my mind at ease.

hearts do many wonders

but you plucked my strings too hard

and you poured poison through my ear

so now all I hear are

melancholy mutterings

of “you're worthless”

drowing out

the sweet sounds

of my heart.

it whispers

“please

stop listening to those words inside your head.

i am not broken

for i still have sweet songs

begging to be heard.

please

let me do wonders.”

I sighed deeply to myself. This all was too much to take in. My stress moved in waves, and it seemed I was fighting a whole tsunami by myself.

I sat quietly, at my desk, with a dim lamp being the only light. Stacks of books covered my table, and paper flooded the floor of my bedroom. With my hand on my forehead, I tried to stay focused as I attempted to find the answer to X to the second power, subtracted by 7 x times 11 in parentheses, when X to the second power subtracted by 11 x added to 30 equals 1. I could not get past the first step.

I looked at my clock. It’s red light shined a clear “1:14 A.M.” in my eyes. I squinted at the clock. I was so tired. But I still had more to finish. And I haven’t even started my science and geography homework.

I heard footsteps make their way to the door of my room. I closed my eyes, hoping no one would see me like this. A gentle knock hit the door.

“Go away.” I said, expecting it to be my mother, preparing to yell at me for not getting enough sleep.

“I want to say hi.” A voice said, which was not my mothers. It was my brother. He was 3 years older than me, and I had no idea how he kept track of all this work.

He opened the door, uninvited, and stepped inside. He looked tired. His brown hair was a mess as I stared at him with a disapproving look.

I looked back over at my workbook and attempted to finish the problem.

“No, no,” My brother said, walking over to me and gently taking the book from my hands. I let him.

“What are you doing up?” I asked.

“So I should ask the same of you,” he replied.

“You have a test tomorrow.” I reminded him.

“And you do too. Do you not?”

I sighed, and looked down.

“What are you doing up so late at night?” he questioned. He walked towards me and stood next to my chair.

“Studying.” I answered.

“Tell me about that.” He taunted.

“I’m stressed, ok?” I said, slightly annoyed.

“Explain.” He told me.

“I feel I have no more time with myself.” I started. He tilted his head. I inhaled, feeling a slight perk of tears at the corner of my eyes.

“I can’t keep up with all this school work anymore. I keep trying, and trying, but I just keep on failing. I can’t keep up with the expectations mom and dad have for me. I just can’t. I work all day after school, and I let it cut into my sleep. I just feel like this is all there is to it.”

“All there is to what?” He asked me, his eyes shining in the light my lamb casted.

“All there is to life.” I said. “I asked dad for help, all he seemed to do, was tell me to do better. I asked him if I could switch classes to a better teacher. He said I would have to just work harder. I asked him if I really deserve to suffer because my teacher can’t teach me. He said I need to learn to deal with it...and...I just-” I stopped.

“What did he say?” My brother asked.

“He- he said that it’s just life. But if this is life, then I’m not too sure I want to live it.”

I watched his eyes grow wider.

“If my future is only pain and stress, then I don’t see the point to keep trying.” I finished.

He paused. Thinking of something to cheer me up.

“School is the main reason why kids ages 7-21 commit suicide more than any other age.” He said to my surprise.

“If so many people want to die due to this...this work, then why is it here?”

“I don’t know.” I said.

He did not say anything back to me. I closed my eyes.

“You know I went through the same pain you are.” He said. I looked at him.

“You mean you stayed up till-” I looked at the clock. “1:26 In the morning, every single night. Asking yourself if you will never break free from this endless loop, and spending your only hour of freetime, crying by yourself, asking why you’re not good enough?”

“Yes.” He replied. I was at a loss for words.

“And do you know how I fixed it?” He asked me. I looked down again.

“I told myself that the greatest people alive today never quit. They never gave up. And what happened to them? They were never forgotten.”

“Everything is forgotten at some point.” I said. He smiled at me.

“The wolf on the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing it. If you stop now, you’ll never reach your destination.”

“Is that a quote?” I asked. He nodded.

“So am I to just keep stressing out and suffering until I graduate? Is that what you're telling me?” He stared at me. I had missed the point.

“You can’t run from your problems. But you can’t overthink them. I think you’ll be ok. Just remind yourself the pain is worth it. You’ll make it. I know you will.”

I kissed my first person right in front of a crowd of people, in FIRST GRADE. Yes, I said 1st grade! I was 7! I don’t know why, but they literally forced me to PAY THEM to kiss me. I mean, I paid them, but still. What was wrong with me? I paid someone to kiss me standing right before a crowd of over 100 people, in school in 1st grade. No wonder they moved away a few years later...

i'm gorgeous, i'm loved. but, something is... off.

i've had the condition for fifteen years now. i black out for hours, collapse to the floor and don't move.

or so, i thought.

recently, i've been finding strange things.

pristine white gloves, smeared with dirt.

sharp, boxy shoes that aren't mine.

torn coats and dresses, their silk and satin drenched in

blood.

H-E-R-O

when we see that word we often think.

Gosh, they're great, and not like me.

But anyone could be.

The girl was eight.

The toddler was three.

It was a cool November,

with a dog and a pool.

It all went wrong.

The three you year old little girl,

Oh so good at climbing,

Climbed over the rail.

The puppy was overenthusiastic,

as puppies tend to be.

He was stealing the eight-year old’s jacket,

Her only defense against the cold.

From behind she hears a slash,

The toddler had jumped in with a crash.

The little girl wouldn’t swim,

and the ice was so thin.

So the eight-year-old,

She didn’t even think,

She jumped in as well,

surrendering her jacket.

She pulled the three-year-old out.

They get inside,

freezing cold.

Wrapped into blankets,

and warm baths.

Both girls were safe at last.

I'm a smile ready to burst,

A flower ready to bud.

But nobody even asks,

Why I'm jumping on my toes,

Trying not to squeal,

Tapping the excitement out of my fingers,

Or twisting my hair into incurable knots.

I want to shout my happiness to the world,

But nobody asks,

They're too busy,

Posting pictures of themselves on the internet,

Ignoring reality,

Breezing through life without a care.