Proof I have no life
So, I'm back. Yesterday, I actually enjoyed this, so I decided to do it again. It's a bit therapeutic, somehow. I'm not worried about sounding crazy, or if it makes sense, because I'm just writing my random thoughts. At the same time, I'm publishing it in a place where others will(theoretically) read it. I'm putting myself out there- the real me, with no editing. That's something hard for me to do, so I think this is good for me.
Ugh, thinking of things to write is hard. I'm just writing whatever pops into my head, but once I get stuck on a topic I tend to dwell on it for a long time. Is that normal, or is that like dipping my toe into Bartleby-ism? We've been talking about Bartleby a lot in AP Lit. Apparently, Bartleby is all about being stuck in the past, unable to move forward with your life. I'm not sure I completely understand it. It would probably help if I actually read the short story. I was planning to finally read it this weekend(it was supposed to be read for class a week ago) but now that the weekend has come I'm too lazy to do it. This kind of thing happens to me a lot. I make plans to do something, but when the decided time comes I'm to lazy to actually do it. Or I would rather do something else. It's pretty pathetic. At this rate, I'll end up being a homeless crazy person living under a bridge. Though that might have its perks. I could become the under-the-bridge troll, jumping out whenever people come by and demanding they give me money. Or a sandwich. Or whatever it is I feel like having at the moment. But then eventually the cops would show up, and I'd have to abandon my bridge. Bridge trolls have it tough. It's a wonder that old troll from Dora(what was his name again?) managed to stay there so long. Now I'm talking about Dora. Wonderful. This is what happens when your main out-of-school socializing is with preschoolers. You have no idea what happened on the last episode of Criminal Minds, but you can describe the plot of various Disney Jr. shows in detail.
I wonder if other people think like this. Do their thoughts read out as though they're speaking to some invisible listener? Or am I crazy? Do I have a unique way of thinking that deviates from the norm? I guess I'll probably never know, unless I can read minds. That would be a cool power. But then I'd probably find out a lot of things I don't want to know. I don't really care about what other people are thinking about, just how their thoughts work. How they organize them. Though if I could read minds, I would probably end up reading them for the content at some point. It would be tempting, and I know I have sucky self-control. If I didn't, I don't think I'd be polluting the writing world with this right now. I'd be keeping my thoughts to myself and letting anyone who takes the time to read this spend it on something at least marginally more productive.
I think I'm done for the day. I'm getting bored again. But, I might write another of these tomorrow, since a lot of stuff is going to happen, and I tend to have a lot of weird thoughts after things happen.
One last note. I would like to apologize for posting my last SOC three times in a row. My computer gremlin(I'm pretty sure these exist, and one's possessing my laptop) was being a jerk at the time.
Rain in December
Can you hear the storm appeal
Cool wind, despatch the bill
Thou, white balls we see
Snow, the same as sea
Have you slammed, your squeaking door
The moan, your windows snore
Boom! Bang! Bang!
Thunderous rocking drum
Doom as fangs
As venoms makes one numb
Can you see the dangling trees
Fresh leaves, now deceased
Thou, their screams not heard
Wood, to keep our bed
Have you damned your firesides floor
With ruins, from before
Boom! Bang! Bang!
Thunderous rocking drum
Doom as fangs
As venoms, makes one numb
Can you tune to BBC
Orlando to Brexit meal
Thou, havoc persist
In hope, we feast
Have you stamped your neighbors poor
Refugees, displaced by war
Boom! Bang! Bang!
Thunderous rocking drum
Doom as fangs
As venoms, makes one numb.
Letter to prison
You might be behind the scenes.
Deprived, of so many things
You might be all alone
Rejected, by everyone you know
You might be the enemy
Convicted, by reality
You might have been, left to die
Your choices, ruined your life
You might be full of regrets
Time travel, to change your bets
You might be living in fear
Someone out here, is wishing you dead
You might be lost in time
Wandering from pain to crime
You might be locked in a box
Claustrophobic, smeared by lies
You might have been in the light
Fallen, displaced by hate
You might have lost your gear
Broken, revenge on plate
No matter what you were
We are humans.
We make mistakes
Don't for a second
Think you're done
Raise your arms
Words last forever.
Pick your pen and prose, on and on
Anniversary
Forever doesn’t start to define
how long I will love you
no number will define
how much I love you
we have our ups and downs
but that doesn’t define our relationship
it doesn’t define our happiness
it doesn’t change what you mean to me
My love for you will withstand time
and distance
and pain
nothing will come between us
nothing will stop us
and I am never letting you go
You were the miracle I needed
the only star in the sky
I remember when you first caught my eye
nine months ago
so much has changed since then
everyday is like a dream with you
too good to be true
too sweet
too meaningful
here’s to the future babe
because this is just the beginning
to a beautiful forever together
Ted kaczynski
With a hood over your face
You came along
Delivering a mail
With a candour full of distaste
You were wrong
Again and again.
Wanted for many years
Jealous brother
Threw the bitter die
Taunted by the grievous press
Nervous lawyer
Brew the sweeter lie
Broken as purged
"Justice", says the fed...
Sentenced for life, humanity sacred hell.
Even as much as
Majority wish you dead
You are still alive, in a maximum cell.
Strength Found In You
I have watched you
Forge new lands
But when they come along
And ruin your plans
You turn away
As if
You are afraid
Could it be true?
You
Who I have looked up to
Afraid
Of what those people say
Well
I am done
I am not
Going to turn
And run
I know
You are afraid
That they may burn you
With the fury
Of a thousand suns
But they won't
I will stand by you
And guide you
Because you
Are not alone
You don't have to be quiet
Or feel like you are silenced
Because your bold voice
Is what gives me the strength
To say these words to you now
You may feel imperfect
Or weak
But in you
I find strength
Now look upon me
And I hope dearly
You find the strength you need
I have seen you move mountains
Have seen you stand tall in battle
Now let me show you
The hero
I have always found
Deep inside
Of you
Why?
Why?
Because I want to,
Because it's fun,
Because it makes you laugh,
Because I want you to be happy,
Because I like you,
Because we are friends.
Why?
Because I choose to,
Because it lifts your spirit,
Because your face lights up when you smile,
Because your voice is music to my ears,
Because I want you to look at me,
Because my heart skips a beat when you do,
Because I never want to let you go,
Because you are special...
Because I love you.
Why?
Because I can,
Because I will,
Because it drives you insane,
Because I want you to weep,
Because I relish your pain,
Because I am bitter,
Because I want you to hurt as I did,
Because I am angry,
Because I cannot swallow this lump in my throat,
Because my eyes cannot stop leaking tears,
Because I am choking back sobs,
Because of you.
Because you broke me...I hate you.
Why?
Because I breathe,
Because I feel,
Because I am alive.
Why?
Just...
Because.