Fringes oh we all believe we are

Fringes snarled on the head of beach.

Out of reach of center

Where her truest children creep.

Accosted by format

Hustling gently to your knees

Condemnation of your conflated breasting of humility

You mistake his nod for affirmation

And that clucking sound you mistake for expressions of adoration.

If you always pray in the same old spot

You'll always get what you've always got.

There are sunflowers growing out of my aorta

Seeds bleeding into my lungs

Where skin breaks open poppies sprout up

I am my own garden

Oak trees grow from my scalp

And hummingbirds fly from my ears

It's beautiful and awe inspiring

But I can't live with all this life coming from my skin

The budding flowers in my lungs are suffocating

And my heart doesn't pump quite right

My hair is jagged and knotted around tree stumps

And I cannot hear anything but hummingbird wings

This garden is swallowing me

And I don't know what will be left of my soul

When the flowers take root 

One for ten million

One for a dream

Glaringly impairing the grandest of schemes

Gargoyle greens

Blues of all things

Yellowish creamy-

the puss and the steam,

that roils, billows

thematically itchingly,

demanding I bow

Bow down so richly,

Will You?

Without a doubt...

Die of and for this ideal?

Implanted at birth

for of your birth is it wrought,

Coming to nothing, Airing your loss

For it hasnt a heart.

Its seeks what all does-

To be seen, to be bought.

It is the spider and you have been caught.

(12 June 2012)

Ha ha ha

Death's design will soon be mine

And you will be my puppet, boy

Be careful where you tread

For the land of the dead beckons you, boy

Divine as such, a puppeteer is

Dangling and wrangling another wooden, you

And when you are broken

These words will be spoken:

"Into the fire you go!"

Ha ha ha

Tell me, boy

Do you feel dead?

You will be laid upon coals of fire

A puppeteers' strings hold you fast

Wrapped around your body, you shudder and gasp

Every last breath will be mine

Ha ha ha

Tell me, boy

Do you feel dead?

You will be shoved into a furnace of liars

The flames lick your body,

The lies fuel their desire

Your body will smoulder

And burn

And crumble

But what can you do?

But writhe and mumble

Ha ha ha

How do you like me now, boy?

Talking and mocking

You could never take a hint

Where is your God, boy?

Ah, yes, look to the light

Hell delights you?

Fire illumes the night

Death's design now is mine

And you are my puppet, boy

Don't worry where you tread

For the land of the dead is now your home, boy

Divine as such, a puppeteer is

I dangled and wrangled another wooden, you

And since you are broken

These words are spoken:

"Into the fire you go!"

(07 July 2016)

Oh 5:45 AM what have you done to me? Another sleepless, dreamless.....

Did I try hard enough, did I fight long enough, did I ask "why" loud enough

Am I enough.

Did I fail us? In the trial I lied and what on earth was I thinking....

I made sure we kept sinking....

You tied up your saddle and ran from the battle as soon as the fight looked rough

I tried to dismantle this torturous, grappling lust

It wasn't enough.

And come from the mantle, knees dark from the ground and dust

Look up and what I see is the ceiling, where's this light, they said "trust"

Stumble without a crutch

Careful to flee the terrible scene, we parted our merry way

One off to the stables and I'm off to label the things I have lost

See that I'm able, you could have cared a little...more

But my heart is nailed to the floor.

And half of the me she tearfully believed, learned my words were not enough

And half of the me I have left of me says "don't start giving up."

Maybe I need to learn when enough is enough.

(12 March 2016)

I saw you today, in a dream

You smiled through me into oblivion

Something caught your eye

I turned to see, then back

And the air was still twisting where you had stood

...just a moment before

A little leaf caught in the whirl

And rested moments later

And that dear little green thing

This little emerald gem

Was rooted in ash. I never felt the flame

Is that how you were gone so quickly?

Such a precious thing, I sat and learned

I listened to the whistle of air through my hair

Like your whispers, like your kisses

I heard you say "patience"

"Take your tired love, let it rest"

I saw you today, in a song

I could hear you wonderfully attune, dancing

I felt your hips and your hands

I remember I was at peace

This little leaf, dancing

I never thought I could love such a small thing ever more

I never thought someone so much larger than life

Could coalesce into such elegance, such purity

Such...

Words fail me when I saw you today

You wore my Opal, my heart on your sleeve

Hair back, white dress flowing

You smiled through me into oblivion...

When I saw you today I saw Everything I've ever wanted to know,

And I missed your rebirth when I turned away

Now I have a little pile of dry ash tears

And I'll wait to see if it grows.

(09 May 2016; 3:03 AM)

I created the worst of 

Doubts

The ones that tug at the cords of sanity

And the mindless chords shrieking, piercing

Tied and tried, tears soaked, love looped

Looped tight, strung high

What better way

To make them die.

(25 March 2015)

Sometimes I scream so the dead of night awakes to see

Its dreaming cut short by mortals, I'm sorry, but I need you to be

Immoral, see me bleed so your anger seethes

And do the deed so I can sleep until the morrow

Please, don't be angered by

My sorrow, I called you from your slumber because it wouldn't be much longer

Until the day I die, and the night you rise would paralyze my fate

I thank you for another day

Could I testify to arraign the crime

Sanctify your heinous, fine,

Reaction

Partners in kind, I've done my time

A sinister attraction.

I really do wonder at the phrase, "Find yourself."

Where do you find yourself? In books you've read? In movies you've seen? In songs you've heard?

In other people?

We're constantly influenced by what's around us. A product of our environment - that's what we are, each and every one of us. So, we don't find ourselves. I mean, really. We can't just look at something and say, yup, that's me, and BAM! we've found ourselves. 

Far too many people do that already.

I think, self-discovery isn't a journey. 

It's analysis.

We cherry-pick the data we receive in our lives continuously, all of the time. What's on every screen, every conversation we have - we choose what we want to keep, remember, and learn from - and then we discard the rest. 

And still, so many people don't have a strong sense of self.

I get it, how almost everyone I meet seems lost. Regurgitating what's popular. They don't know what matters to them. Sheep. Replicating, placating, and moving on with the herd.

A world full of copies that pale in comparison to the few, rare originals.

Wherever people are "finding themselves," they're looking in the wrong place. Instead of being inspired by what they deem worthy of their attention, they accept, and move on.

How do we manage to go through life without knowing what we're all about?

We don't think about it. That's how.

It's all about realizing what's around us. Do we think? Do we analyze? Honestly, that's what makes the difference. What do we deem worthy of our attention? Are we only following? 

We need to stop, for just a second, and look at what we're doing. So, so many of us are only going through the motions, and I just don't get it.

I'll tell you something. If you're lost, if you're tired, if you're in a rut, here's what you do.

You challenge yourself. Surround yourself with people, topics, media, that interest you, but are different than what you're used to.

That clash, that shock, will help you draw the lines that make the distinction between a copy, and an original.

In the end, there is no finding yourself. 

There's only defining yourself.

after so many steps

I start to hunch,

licking dust

embedded within the trail.

dream of a cloud

drifting into puddles

in search of mud.

I remain as fibers,

waiting for replacement.

bleach my body

and I may last

for a little while,

but we both know

you're making plans

to renovate life

and I'll be the first to go.