It’s dark and still.

Night blankets the space so flawlessly,

so completely.

The warmth of synthetic fibers is a comfort.

Here I am safe and content,

until the alarm goes off.

Today is, and always will be, a very bittersweet day for me and mine.

June 18th, 2011, was one of those defining days in our lives. A day of tragedy, pain, grief, heartache and loss. A day none of us will ever forget, and one we wish we had never had to experience.

EM3 Day.

Eddy Maurice Smith III was only with us here for a single season of love and memories. Thirteen weeks is such a short time to fall so deeply in love, but that is the nature of real love—to fall hopelessly and helplessly under another’s spell. Baby Eddy cast that spell of love on a great many people during his short stay; now he watches over us all from a better place, and sends us angel-kisses frequently.

The passing of a loved one is never an easy thing, and it doesn't get much harder than when that loved one is an infant. Grief & pain are the flip-side of love & joy — the deeper and stronger the love and joy, so too, the deeper and stronger are the grief and pain. When the loss is due to the passing of a child, that pain becomes almost unendurable.

Today is also Father’s Day — another tough day for our family. One of my son-in-laws is also gone from us too soon. His daughters, two of my granddaughters, can only tell their dad they love him in their hearts and prayers now, so this will always be a hard day for them. (We all love and miss you Mikey).

Which brings me to a truly sweet part of this bitter day. Eddy Smith, Jr.

I know that having Father’s Day occur on EM3 Day is hard on my other son-in-law, and the memories of that terrible day will be forever a part of his heart and soul—but the blessing is that this devastating loss, which often drives families apart, has instead brought their family closer together. EM3 now has two little brothers, my daughter has a partner she can depend on and find comfort with, and I have another son, who I love dearly as well. For that I feel blessed.

I am fortunate enough to have five beautiful children, and as of right now 11 grandkids. As we go through life, we have days like today… but we take the bitter with the sweet, and we move forward. Occasionally the tide of grief surges and we must cry, swim, dog-paddle, or just hang on until the flood recedes, but we do it together as a family. That makes me the luckiest father of them all, today and every day.

Keep your eyes, and your hearts, open today for the angel-kisses your own loved ones send you. Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s out there, and may you all have a blessed EM3 Day.

Dusty

O spoilt child of the affluent world.

 Do you not have water to fetch, wood to hew?

Do you not need have fields to till or livestock to tend?

Are there not young ones to comfort or old ones to whom you can lend a listening ear?

Are there no clothes to wash or pans to scrub, floors to sweep, paths to mend? No skins to tan or flax to spin?  No herbs to find and dry, no fruit to preserve? no cow to milk? no butter to churn, no clothes to mend, no cloth to weave?

For if this is true then you are truly blessed for you have the one thing that cannot be brought or traded, you have time.

Time to craft a story, write a poem, compose a song, time to master an instrument, 

 Time to paint a picture, to weave fine cloth, to make fine beads, to learn the discourse of frogs, to watch the birds as they come and go.

You have time to share your time, sing the old songs for those who can no longer sing, read stories for those who can no longer see, help those whose mastery of words is less than your own. 

Do not waste your time on self pity, for time will slip through your fingers like grains of sand. 

A sudden feeling of doom. I look up from my writing, and everyone is conversing about tonights party. I check the coffe pot its off, flat iron is off, candles  are all out. 

Everyone is ready, everyone but me. No one seems to notice Im still in my pajamas . A house full of friends and I still feel alone. I look at my husband and tell him "I think I will stay in tonight, go on without me." He replies with a "Hell no, we have a baby setter its Saturday night. Now go get your beautiful ass ready.

I smirk and head to the shower. I love this man so much, but anxiety sucks. Now how to formulate a plan to stay in.