silence quakes the room

where I lay

I'm not alone, yet every

portion of me feels so

isolated

darkness consumes

saturating my flesh

eating through my bones

have I been this way

for so long, it all is

finally suffocating me?

or am I becoming one with

the darkness?

a cold sweat covers my soul

fog inhales my mind

yet I can feel

the gone by years,

so deeply

false truths

hurt which has been buried

every word,

which was never spoken

every regret

every lost dream

moments, days, years-

which was completely stolen

wounds that were bandaged,

by a good fuck

issues, never to be voiced

betrayals, which were always

masked by manipulation

every demon in hell

brings them to my remembrance

routine is life

as shackles dig deeper

into flesh

voids are only seen

in my eyes, as I look

in the mirror

who is this woman?

the true depths of pain, desires, and

liberty only exist

in ink

which bleeds from

this heart and soul

self awareness seems

so distant all of a sudden

sin is my blanket

loneliness the pillow

the emptiness,

has stolen my tears

a complete shell

the shell of my being

is still

completely isolated

muted

clawing through

the darkness

© 2017 ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

Pic credit- MdM1157

I remember the wind in my hair here.

I remember the ghost of your fingers lightly brushing my waist.

I remember that choke in my throat.

The same one that’s here now.

I remember dark glasses hiding your eyes and the even darker circles from the night before.

I remember you inside.

And out too.

And figure eights.

And smoke.

And nails.

And mirrors covered in white.

And table tops covered in razor blade scratches.

And my insides covered in razor blade scratches.

And your mouth covered in blood, fresh from your nose.

And I remember it all falling apart.

Just like that first nose bleed.

A hemorrhage of feelings.

Falling out of you and into me.

Split up but still over flowing.

Until it broke us both.

Until the night air couldn’t contain us.

Until the floor couldn’t hold us.

I remember you.

And the strain of you against me.

And the breeze dancing on my face.

And the sun dancing across us intertwined.

And the leaves dancing through the parking lot.

And the flurries dancing with our breath in the air.

And us dancing through every season.

Bleeding out into each other.

But mostly I remember you.

And your hands.

And my neck.

And the choke in my throat.

Sitting silently, reflections of the past

kept her from seeing the truth

laid out before her

And as it built up over time,

she chose to ignore that reality

was the way she wanted it to be

the way she needed it to be,

to make her life sensible to none

other than herself

and through the tears that welled up

in her eyes, she looked at the emails

and the pictures of them together

She let the evidence fall to the ground

as the tears cascaded, but she couldn‘t

close her eyes, as the broken glass of her reality fell to the ground, too

the furious wind is what did it.

not him.

the heavy rain is what drove him away.

not her.

surely it was a dream.

surely this wasn’t happening.

still, she couldn’t close her eyes

for fear of missing the moment

that was starting to feel quite

real.

not a blink

not a sneeze

not a turn of the head.

all was still in her body

as she watched

him go.

Traveling scares me.

I fear the plane, the train, the bus.

But yet I wandered far

Not even in the same orchard

As the tree was.

It’s not easy,

I obsess over

Things that could go wrong.

The ugliness of this planet

Is so plentiful,

Our cup runneth over.

But the thing to do,

Is find things that give

You expected relief.

You take that,

And just by anticipating,

That you’ll find a quiet zone,

Relief comes.

For me, it is reading

One of a selected group of books:

The lord of the rings,

The life of pi,

Moby dick, oddly.

I must’ve read each one

A thousand times,

I know what they offer,

I yearn for certain parts.

And this keeps the wolves away.

I am gasping

For air in an ocean

Of inescapable emotion

I am blinded

By the light of the sun

It shines so brightly on everyone

Yet,

I am drowning

I see the distant, monumental star

And it seems so impossibly far

Yet,

I am observing

This star in the distance and I want to think

I can reach it despite that I'm on the brink

Of drowning in sorrow

But I will wait until tomorrow

And I will prove if the sun

Truly shines on everyone

And if it will be able to see

In a crowd of billions, me

Or if it will just let me drown

In a crowd of billions, without a sound.

But I think it will see me, because like all decent human beings

I am wonderful

I am worthy

I am bright

Like the sun.

What's beneath the mask

all of Human Nature asks

—clawing at the skin—

whose so taunted from within

—I'm no more myself—

than is any mirror self

—in this shifting light—

which reveals our soul-ar flight

—from all of reason—

in its seductive treason

—dancing onward hence—

from what our eyes tightly clench

#whatsbehindyourmask #challenge