The human state of consciousness and mind, top psychologist Dr. Jason Taylor’s major. Recognised throughout the country and the world, a renowned psychologist that’s the top of demand. On the outside, he’s calm, collected and has the looks and wealth of every man’s dreams. But him? He has no pleasant dreams to speak of.

The fear that binds him together, the one that sparked his interest in hypnotism, in the hopes of making his dreams disappear. Dreams. They aren’t just dreams. They are nightmares.

The darkness that shrouds him, the blood that always drenches his clothes. The horrifying screams that reverberate around wherever he is. The bodies, the smell. It’s something he finds familiar, although it’s impossible in the terms of parapsychology. It’s not possible. People can be recognised in dreams, but not settings.

It only links with one thing. His past. His past is also darkness, his family, his friends. Everything before the nightmares are unknown. Memories never came back, even the name Jason? He made that up. His knowledge is the only thing that can bring back the truth, the memories. Because if he doesn't do that. He will be driven insane by the aspect that he has nothing. That he is just an empty shell. Although that's what the truth is.

Until, his goal is averted from his attention. A failed experiment. Another parallel world. And a past he has to uncover. The things he has to find. The fears he has to face.This book will bring you on an incredible journey of trials and tribulations.

Jason Taylor’s job? To find out the truth in Lucid.

~~~~~~

Fear that binds you, fear that protects you and fear that scares you.

Cowards stay cowards until they're forced not to be.

What do you fear?

I sat on the bridge, my legs hanging off the side. It was a nice, breezy day. The sky was a deep blue, cloudless and beautiful. The sun shone down on the waters below me, making it a shimmering green.

The bridge was where I went daily, a sanctuary for me to go to. The days slowly passing, with me on the same bridge in that same spot.

Maybe this is the day.

I have repeated that line everyday I came here. But today I was confident.

I looked down at the sea under me. Amazingly calm, waiting to engulf me in the deep waters. I flung the piece of paper behind me and clambered onto the railings.

I’ve always wanted to ask someone these questions.

Do you know what it feels like to be abandoned?

To be thrown around? Like someone’s rag doll, with no life?

Do you know what it’s like to love someone?

And to have your heart broken by them?

Do you know what it feels like to want to die?

Every single wretched moment of your life?

I bet you don’t.

And I bet you don’t care.

We are all broken, all of us.

Each one with our unique scar.

But I am different, I am not just broken.

I am so full of scars that I am disfigured.

My happiness a facade.

I am shattered. Crushed to dust.

And there is no way back.

~~~~~

I closed my eyes. The breeze ruffling my hair and clothes. And, I smiled.

For the first time in years.

Then, I shuffled forwards and lifted my foot. I was ready to let go.

As I tilted forwards, I felt a cold hand grasp my ankle. I spun round, furious.

“What? Go away!” I yelled.

“I do. And, I do,” the girl said. She had hazel, brown hair and amber eyes. The eyes that 

reached my soul. But that wasn’t the only thing unique about her. Her complexion was pale and she wore a baggy hospital gown. Despite all that, she was beautiful.

“What?” I asked, my voice softened. I was mesmerised.

“I do know these feelings. And, I do care. I really do,” Her lips twisted into a smile as she held up the paper.

I didn’t know what to say.

I stared at her and she stared at me. Both unrelenting. But she let go of my ankle and held up her hand.

Something caught my eye. Her wrists were covered in huge scars, still healing from the cut. I realised that she was like me. Broken, shattered and scarred. But different.

She was healing.

Her face was radiant, not showing a trace of misery of torture. But me? I gave up so fast. 

Looking at her hand, reaching out to me, I wanted to grab it. To put the past behind me and be reborn again. Before I could, she grinned.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Ready for what?”

“For a new life,”

Without a moment’s hesitation, I grabbed her hand.

I was broken, broken to a point of no return. Grabbing her hand? Just a choice I made because I thought my life couldn't be worse. 

But now? Now, I think, I found the one to mend me. And I hope she found hers. 

I look at her, smile plastered on her face despite the scars covering her wrists and her heart.

My sunshine, my healer. 

And that day, was the day that I smiled a second time.

I looked around me, the familiar surroundings. Pitch darkness and a musty scent. It had not changed for quite a while. I lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling, my arms outstretched. It one of those days that I reminisce about the past.

It was like a dream.

Raucous laughter echoed throughout the room as we played together. It was just her and me. The days we ran around the lawn and the days we spent inside. The times we had fun till late at night and the times we just simply spoke. And of course, there were the times you hugged me with trembling hands while your parents argued outside. I simply accompanied you as you whimpered softly into the dark, dark night. It was simple, really. Me by your side. Enjoying our time together, not counting the minutes, not counting the seconds. When time flew by.

The memories went on, from the time I met her till since she abandoned me here. I looked at the floor my my side, a piece of my face just out of reach.

~~~~~

Time now crawls a second at a time, but I never stop hoping that she’ll come back here, and apologise. And we’ll go back home together, go back to the old times, and she’ll make my clock tick again. Tick tock, tick tock…

Children think toys are childish as they grow up. Something inanimate that can be thrown away.

The clocks ticks in the same rhythm as my heart. Irregularly.

The piece of me just lying there, as I imagine my face without it. I am broken. All toys are.

The hope that she’ll come back is fading. She’d probably already forgotten me. But the memories just keep coming back. 

When the toys are thrown away, they all break. Each and every one of them. Just like me.

The future seems bleak as the light fades. As I know in my heart that she’ll never come back. Though, I just can't help hoping.

Hoping for someone to come and dry my tears and mend my scars from long ago. 

The day that she left, not only my face broke. Something else shattered into dust.

Actually, you don’t have to apologise. Just come back. Come back to me.

My heart.

~~~~~

"Jane, Jane, love me again."

Stars, they are mine. 

With you, constellations.

Time is not for you or me,

but love, a huge infinity.

For time shall end,

but everything will be always,

Okay.

Smiles and poses.

A moment stuck

in Time.

Joy and excitement

Captured.

In time,

many photographs are collected.

Landscapes, wefies, selfies.

Some happy, some engulfed in

Melancholy.

Regardless...

Send me the pictures

you took of

Us two.

Because they’re the memories

of

Me and You.

So I’ll never forget those scenes of my life;

And I will relive hose moments when it’s the end of my line.

Perhaps you may visit me,

maybe you never will.

Perhaps some dreams are never meant to come true.

But I’ll wait.

~~~~~

As you grow up,

Innocence will be lost.

Down they go into the oblivion of Void.

If you visit me,

I’ll have nothing more to ask.

When my hair turns white,

and yours remains

Black.

I’ll just have one request.

Live your life without any regrets.

If you need to,

just

Forget.

You can forget me

if

it lessens the pain and hurt.

Let me forever remain a sweet memory,

of

Long, long ago.

In that pure heart.

To cry is to shed tears.

And many shed tears in the dark.

Tears stream down their faces as they lament.

Anguish and regret blurs their eyes.

Others cry with tears welled up in their eyes.

No, don’t cry, don’t cry, I will not cry,

but in their hearts tears have already been shed.

They sit in a corner,

watching others fawn over the weepers,

and wonder,

“Oh, why not I?”

Friends are people who betray you and make fun of you.

But they never fail to notice when you cry.

They are the

Ones,

who quietly say,

stand at your shoulder,

and

whisper in your ear.

“It’s okay.”

And you know,

it’s all that needs to be said.

Sometimes we try to catch the reflection of the moon in the water;

Needless to say, it doesn’t work.

Sometimes we just do our work with intense fervor;

Contrary to our expectations,

Nothing happens.

Nothing.

We scream,

shout

and

writhe.

Why the agony of living in this world?

Nothing happens here.

You ask yourself.

“Why toil for a lifetime?”

But no answer is heard.

Again, nothing.

Nothingness;

Oblivion;

Void.

Falling into the depths

of darkness.

Inescapable darkness.

You hear nothing

see

nothing,

feel nothing.

And we just decide to leave this world of endless

Pain.

But

as there are exceptions to everything,

there is an

Exception

to this.

Some people just

keep crawling even when they are knocked flat onto the ground.

Others ridicule them as worms but they ignore it.

They crawl on their knees even when they don’t have the strength to go on anymore

and

continue living in relish of this unforgiving world.

To find their purposes,

to find their dreams.

To fulfill their purposes

and

to try again

and again

and again.

Catching the moon in the water.

“Courage is not having the strength to go on; It is going on even when you do not have the strength.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

Courage

or

Folly?

You tell me.

I was backed up against a wall, haggard breaths forming mist in front of my mouth. Still, I tried desperately to move back, in some hope that the wall behind might just give way. My fists pounded on the wall behind me, using every bit of oxygen I had inside me to scream, once, “Let me out! I swear! LET ME OUT!”

The footsteps came closer towards me as my legs threatened to give out. I skittered left and right in hopes of getting further away from the sound. Though, no matter where I moved, they were still around me.

“No, no, no! Is this a trick? If it is, it’s not funny. So not funny,” my teeth chattered as my mouth struggled to form the words.

But deep inside, I knew. This was an abandoned warehouse. The name spoke for it. No one had been inside in a long, long time.

The footsteps were only a meter away from me, now. I strained my eyes to make out several figures of different shape and sizes through the meager ray of light shining through the ceiling boards.

Around me, were faceless creatures, walking in a mechanical manner, one foot in front of the other. My heart palpitated quicker as they came closer, and yet closer again.

They were all foreign, something that no one had ever seen before. But I knew what they were.

That was my last thought as I was buried under the pile of bodies, struggling for breath. Blacking out.

Grandpa was right. I shouldn’t have come here. 

I should have believed him. 

They were alive. 

“It can’t be. No, this must be wrong.”

The glint in our eyes told him otherwise.

At that moment, all blood drained from his face as it become stark white, pallid and something in him just broke. He let out a howl like a cornered animal and began dashing off into the woods, as far as his malnourished body could carry him.

Without a moment’s hesitation, we gave chase.

Footsteps thundered on the soil as we kicked up leaves and dust chasing Justin. His figure was the only thing we saw. The only thing in our impoverished corneas. The sound of broken twigs rang out all around Justin.

Closer, closer and closer.

He must have heard it, for he pushed himself to run faster.

Justin’s ragged breaths echoed in our ears. His leg hit a rock and the momentum sent him tumbling forward.

By the time he hit the ground, we were all there. No command was given, just instinct. 

We surrounded him and he was caught. He was slowly succumbing to his inevitable fate.

And a piercing howl reverberated throughout the woods.

~~~~~

I looked around the gathered circle of sunken eyes and pallid skin, each face home to a drooling mouth made grotesque with hunger, eyes alive with yearning as the acrid smell of searing meat wafted from the fiery embers.

The food was cooked.

Weeks on an island, stranded did something to us. It made us insane. For food.

Ravenous hands reached out as the prepared flesh was passed out to each member of our ragtag group of survivors. The insanity in their eyes shone as they grasped the meat as if it were their lives.

I passed a charred slice to my young daughter and grimaced as she hastily tore into it, juices from each bite greasing her lips and chin.

But I took my time, savoring the intense, smoky flavor of great piquancy, letting the

morsels dissolve in my mouth and explode across my tongue.

All we could think was food.

It might have been wrong, but it was delicious. Absolutely delicious.

Sorry Justin.

Pangs of guilt had replaced our pangs of hunger after we had devoured our meal.

It wasn’t that we disliked Justin, it was just that he drew the shortest straw.

Even when the moon rises high in the sky,

I won’t ever forget you.

Your smiles. your laughter,

your frowns, your flustered stutters.

Sometimes I wonder why our tears only flow down when we close our eyes.

I think

It’s because when we close our eyes,

we have given up.

And when we do not,

we face our troubles with unwavering strength and courage.

As I will continue into the future remembering you.

~~~~~

The sun has risen.

The beginning of all things.

As the first time I met you.

You were perfect.

You are perfect.

You will forever be perfect.

Three words that hang in the air,

I’m sure you know what I want to say.