Drownding in complex #PTSD
Im drownding in my sadness,
I am stuck and I can not see.
I'm imprisoned by a mountain of shame
and im trying to break free.
Im feeling so weak and weary
overwhelmed and full of fear.
Im praying to God for clarity
and the strength to persevere.
Each step I take is draining
As im facing all my truth
Acknowledging all the sickness
From my childhood and youth
Working through the heartbreak
And not running from the pain
In the end I will be stronger
And it will not be in vein!
DarlaS
CPTSDnME
terms and conditions
I took the time and read the terms and conditions. It took just shy of forever. I came across this in the DO NOT DO THE THING section:
Content that is unlawful, libelous, defamatory, obscene, pornographic, indecent, lewd, suggestive, harassing, threatening, abusive, inflammatory, fraudulent or otherwise objectionable, or invasive of privacy or publicity rights;
Some of that, of course, makes perfect sense. Do not generate content that is unlawful, libelous, defamatory, fraudulent, or invasive of privacy or publicity rights. These things are legal terms, violation can result in legal intervention.
I take issue with the other things. Don't generate content that is obscene, pornographic, indecent, lewd, suggestive, harassing, threatening, abusive or inflammatory. This seems nearly impossible in the creative process. How do you write something that doesn't violate any of these things in an absolute manner?
I know they are covering their butts, but....Have none of you ever written anything with a sex scene? Or violence? Or verbal harassment? Where do you draw the line? Now I'm concerned about some story lines I want to write about, I feel stifled. I haven't posted things in challenges that mean a lot to me because they violate these guidelines.
Thoughts?
Rip Her II
She was dirty. She slept in a bed that I paid for, and I paid her to do it. And the night before she slept in a bed that another man had paid her to sleep in. So I cut out everything I had paid her for. I woke to her wicked chest rising and falling, and I left in the silent, blood-soaked night. I left her with nothing to keep her chest rising, but instead permanently fallen. Lungs deflated. Veins collapsed. And I’m wondering if her stolen heart is the same shade of red as every other sinner’s in this town. And I see only one way to find out. Rip them open. Steal what’s inside. See what’s the same. Find the cursed parts and destroy them. I want to watch my blade glide through soft skin and feel a warm rush of darkness slip across my steady hands. Silver slicing from end to end. Liquid shadows dripping from between their legs, ending in unholy puddles at my feet. I want to defile their pretty faces to match all that is spoiled inside of them. Desecrate their flesh the way they desecrate their own bodies. I may as well take what I’m paying for. They sold their hearts and their bodies to the devil, so I will take them all back. A savior to the damned.
My name is Jack, and I swear I’ll be the second coming.
*
https://theprose.com/post/237996/rip-her
Shackel n Chains
Why can’t I seem to let you go when I know deep inside, the truth
Its not love, but a bond formed, after losing our child in youth.
Since that time Ive held on to hope,
That one day you’d again be mine,
I’m no longer able to fool myself,
That our paths love will align.
My heart is breaking slowly, as I turn to walk away
A part of me prays you’ll stop me, and ask me once more to stay.
How could I expect a reaction as as such, when for years I’ve been last on your list,
Time after time, I tried blocking you out, and again I lack, strength to resist.
Today when I left it was different,
I hadn’t forced each step to the
door,
Each step that I took, weight was lifted,
A lightness I’d not felt before
Then stregnth fueled my body to walk away, leaving behind all the sadness & pain
I’ll put one foot in front of the other as I break free from your shackle n chain
DarlaS #cptsdnme #ptsd #stopthestigma #trauma #warrior
Ceremonial Sarcophagus
Ceremonial sarcophagus,
Where they'd laid
The young lass down,
Was adorned with
Flowers of the earth
In hopes the
Crops would
Come around...
...She was spoken of
Quite highly!...
Her courage
Was a thing
Worth praise...
...And as the
Night Man
Drew his dagger,
The spirit vanished
From her face...
When the flashing
Tip of death
Plunged down
Into her chest
She screamed!...
...She died slim
Seconds later
As they
Made good
On their dream.
Ceremonial sarcophagus,
Where they'd laid
The young lass down,
Was adorned with
Flowers of the earth
In hopes the
Crops would
Come around.
©
2018
Bunny Villaire
Post Traumatic
I stared into her eyes, a golden brown like the edge of the sun
Her arms wrapped around me in a hug
Her tender lips met with mine in a kiss
With her I felt eternal bliss
"Please, don't go," she whispered
But her plea fell on ears that were deaf
To affection
Her arms enveloped a body that was cold and had long been dead
Her eyes stared into a husk of a man that once was
Her lips kissed a mouth that would never again speak
She loved a man who was dead
Killed by the trauma of war
Made a martyr for
An unworthy cause
All's fair in love and war
Against a man who has lost his mind
i.
girl that likes kissing girls, with a soft arched back and plump thighs and sheer blouse and nude panties and thick curled hair– a goddess in slant eyes, with a heavy lilting crackling voice like spinning vinyl, who can’t help but feel like a great big thing going nowhere fast. come here, to a place full of people hungry for you and spin for me i am envious of your beauty. come here. i will eat you up. i will love you.
ii.
girl that once was a boy, who hates her thick thighs because they remind her of wanting to be better, whose face isn’t round enough, who needs to be singularly and wholly woman because tugging at the pinches of her skin is dysphoria and cold dark places and crescents of pinked indents. come here, come in i am a house with wood floors and old brown couches let’s sit together and share warmth like lovers share breaths. i will give you a place to rest your head.
iii.
girl that is breaking, who cuts her skin with plastic knives and tears the seams of her dresses so she doesn’t have to wear them, who practises every night in front of the mirror her reasons not to wear a swimsuit but knows her words will only stutter and fall, who is scared of people because they all do the same, are the same, walk the same, talk the same and scream and hurt and hate the same. come here, i will give you bandages and help you hide things that you don’t want to be seen until you learn to love yourself. take it slow. i will hold you i promise i’ll be gentle.
iv.
girl that needs soft nice things. that needs to hear the word darling. that needs to be held. that needs a place to rest her soul. that needs love. that needs someone who will cry for her. that needs someone to tell her things are alright. that needs someone to accept her. that needs to hide things. that needs to take a breath. come here, i will be your world.
v.
i’ll be there for you.
#poetry
Why...
Many days have come and gone, that I wasted asking why,
I obsessively seeked for answers, never getting a reply.
The weight of my pain was crippling, and would bring me to my knees,
The shame I carried all these years, left me riddled with disease.
I thought that I was evil, and Id surly go to hell..
But the evil was not inside of me, but in the truth I had to tell!
My mom, she couldn't stand me and her hate would take my breathe,
I just wanted her to love me, but instead I prayed for death.
Me...
FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT
Silence to me is so deafening, darkness at times is so bright...
The nightmares appear, I'm stagnant in fear, as I brace myself to fight!!
My tears start to flow and my vision is blurred, but the flashback is OH SO clear!!
I take a deep breath, prepare for the pain and not run as it draws near!
It's time to embrace the little girl who's been burried beneath secrets & shame,
We will take each step walking hand in hand as our life we now RECLAIM!!!!!
;
;
#METOO
DarlaS