Backward. Everything was going backward. It was all flashing past her, like a runaway train. Her mind swirled with thoughts until it made her dizzy. They twisted and turned into a senseless humdrum of colours and sounds. The clouds manifested themselves into thunderstorms without her knowledge as she sat looking out into the rain from the safety of her bed.  She escaped into the raindrops and the sound, so absolutely profound, the dripping trees, the waning breeze, into the sigh of the wind and the hints of colours through the curtain of grey. 

Lila could distinctly hear the creak of the floorboards as her brother paced in the next room and the sounds of cars and rustling leaves made their way through her window. Gentle drops of rain adorned her face. 

The feeling lingered, like all feelings do, like fragments of a universe.

Half her soul was satisfied, the other half restless. But that was a thought for another day, hopefully far away from today. Sleep was making her eyes droop and she let the rain lull her to a deep sleep.

...

It was decided. Rudin was leaving the mansion.

She looked back at the pillars adorned with gold paint, the luscious curtains at the end of the massive driveway, the limestone domes, the lace tapestries delicately clinging to the walls, and beyond that, the room with the lights. She stepped beyond the gate into the cool of the night.

She padded along the boulevard in the only plain clothes she owned-for once, she hadn’t had to wear anything fancy or expensive. 

When she was little, and far more inexperienced than she was now, she had been fascinated by her mother’s clothes and jewellery. At least, the times she had gotten to see her. She had outgrown that, though-now she knew better. She could now better sense the fixation and infatuation she had grew up around.

All her life, she had been raised by Tina, her maid. It was Tina who told her exhilarating bedtime stories about ice cream cones and donuts, it was Tina whom she ran to when she was hurt, who had sat and just talked to her when the pressure got too much.

Her father had fired her last week, deeming her unnecessary. The girl’s stomach dropped only at the thought of Tina. As for her parents...the note she left would keep them from calling the police. If they noticed her absence, that is.

Her soul felt lighter as she took the bus to the nearest town, her credit card tucked away in her rucksack.

Night time didn’t bother her. The miles whipped past her and her eyes closed as she let the roads lull her to a deep sleep.

...

Lila woke up to the sound of her brother leaving for work, the customary clatter of vessels, the filling of his backpack and the soft click of the door as he left.

She walked out of her room, passed her brother’s out into the hall that functioned as a kitchen as they barely had visitors over. As usual, she found the note he left her every morning, stating his time of return and his favourite quote from a book he was reading. She carefully tucked it away into the folds of her diary and proceeded to make breakfast.

It was an exciting feeling, being alone in the house, but something tugged at her from outside.

She walked out of the house and instinctively turned left, toward the lane peppered with flowers and weeds that led to the graveyard.

Everyone has their own peaceful place, and in the most ordinary way, the graveyard was hers. It gave her a strange sort of peace. Outwardly, she looked like the average girl, but inside, she was anything but. People would never comprehend her.  She was just a drifting soul. But the graveyard anchored her, acknowledged her. That was what drew her to it.

 She leaned against the rough bark of the poplar tree, fingering the blades of grass. The first few hues of dawn were revealing themselves- there were streaks of red, gold and orange painting themselves into the sky.

When she opened her eyes, the harsh sunlight was falling across her outstretched arm. She must have fallen asleep.

She sat, for hours, in the graveyard, under the poplar tree, staring up at its yellowing leaves. She liked it better here. She didn’t want to be bound by time, thoughts or people.

Some time later, Lila nodded at the barista as she stepped around the chairs at the cafe. Despite it being crowded, her seat by the window was abandoned. She settled in, holding her coffee cup close to her faded black sweater as she started to scribble away in her notebook, grasping at her thoughts as they flew by. 

Her notebook told a very vague story; to an outsider, it would have been very confusing. A few pages were littered with words, others with paragraphs. She treated words like drops of gold- not with the indifference of one who has no idea of their impact. On some pages, she had drawn the forest past the headstones of the graveyard- they reminded her of freedom. Something she yearned for- but also something she was a little scared to taste.

So lost was she, that she didn’t notice when the door opened and closed as a girl, of about her age, stepped in. Her boots were muddy, her hair ruffled, her eyes bloodshot, and her clothes told a story of battles from long ago.

Yet, if you cared enough to look a little intently, you would have seen that she carried herself with an air of certainty and poise, like a rose sitting in the midst of a lone meadow.

...

Rudin scanned the room with her piercing eyes, neither amber nor brown, after paying for her large cup of caffeine. Then, she trudged across the room, towards the only seat left- the one near the window, where a girl in a black sweater sat.

“Do you mind?” Rudin asked. She got no reply. The girl kept her eyes lowered, towards her cup.

Rudin repeated herself. This time, the girl looked up, and her eyes quickly flitted across the room. She looked up at Rudin and smiled, her black hair falling around her shoulders.

“Of course not. Have a seat, “she said. 

Rudin gratefully plopped down on the seat opposite her, facing the room. She slowly tried to rub the fatigue out of her eyes. After a few hours of sleep, she had begun to feel restless. She wasn’t used to being so far away, though she would undoubtedly become, in time.

“Tired?” The girl asked. 

Rudin slowly looked up. She wasn’t used to anyone being concerned about her. Except Tina, but,well, she was gone.

“I didn’t sleep well last night. Or any other night, really”, she replied. Maybe she should give her a reason, or the girl would think Rudin was paranoid. So, she said, “Must have been the rain.”

At that, she saw a shadow pass over the girl’s face for a second, and then it was gone.

“I’m Rudin, by the way. And I know my name’s a bit weird”, Rudin said. 

  “I’d rather describe it as eccentric. I’m Lila.”

They shared a smile. As Rudin proceeded to down her coffee, they started to talk about their favourite cafes and foods, and gradually, the conversation turned to other topics. Rudin was starting to like Lila. She struck Rudin as the kind of girl who would believe you if you said that the earth would spontaneously combust. She’d probably even try to set things right. And judging by her posture, she seemed to be warming up to Rudin as well.

Her father had long since taught her the art of analyzing people. He had told her how to pick out shreds of information from their body language- all for his benefit, of course. Sometimes, she wished he hadn’t. It felt like she knew things others didn’t want her to know. Unfortunately, once you’ve learnt something, you can’t ever let it go.

After a while, Lila wanted to get herself another coffee and asked Rudin if she wanted one. As she stood up, a page fluttered out of her tattered, rustic notebook that hadn’t caught Rudin’s attention before. It was filled with a few scratched out and messy words, but Lila hugged it to herself like she was holding the world. She threw Rudin a quick stare before putting it on the table, anchoring it with the book, almost as if she was hoping Rudin would notice.

...

Lila had no clue why she did that.

No one had laid their hands on her notebook. She guarded it like a pearl. The page was about the tempest last night and reading it was like peeping into her mind. But here was finally someone who seemed like she could relate to her. She looked so different from the people here- adventurous, even, a refreshing respite. Lila needed to show Rudin what no one had been able to discern. After all, she figured that miracles came in the form of strangers- who was she to judge the workings of fate?

When she came back, she noticed an unfamiliar book in front of Rudin.

...

Rudin stared out of the window as Lila sat down and slid her coffee cup across to her. She looked at her and stated-“I have a proposition.”

Lila raised her eyebrows. “Speak on, soldier,” she replied. Rudin held up a page of her travel notebook and said- “This, in exchange for that.” She inclined her head towards Lila’s notebook.

After considering this, Lila wordlessly slid it across the table, and Rudin did likewise. After a few silent moments, Rudin looked up to see Lila mouthing the last lines: Like a forest without aid, I grow too. She flicked her eyes up.

Rudin felt a smile breaking out on her face, and said,” I think we might have something in common,” she leaned back and crossed her arms behind her head. “After all, it’s not every day when two great but unknown writers coincidentally cross paths.”

...

The cafe was closing up. They walked outside and sat down on the pavement. Maybe it was the warm lights of the other shops, or the abundance of stars in the sky, but Lila had the sudden urge to say something she hadn’t said before, tell her the whole story.

Before she dismissed the thought, Lila said,” I feel like you need to know something.” Rudin sat up straighter. “Me too,” she said. “You go first.”

Lila took a deep breath and said, “I’ve been living off epiphanies. I realised that I loved the things around me more than the people. That’s this need to escape and that’s also why I go to the graveyard. I’ve always been going there. That’s probably not too normal.” She shrugged.

“Well, I ran away from my super rich parents. That’s probably not too normal either,” Rudin said. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

And that was how it all started. You could call it The Great Escape. But some things are better left unnamed. They’re better described by raw emotions.

Rudin’s face grew serious and she stood up. “Want to get out of here?” She sighed.”I can cover for both of us. I don’t need all the money my parents gave me anyway.”

Lila’s hands trembled as she looked down at them. This was it, her way to freedom. Some things her soul told her to do, she did. It didn’t matter if she was scared. In life, you don’t have anything to lose, really. She knew that. And that was why stood up and said,” I need to take care of some things first.”

Rudin nodded and settled down, not oblivious to the chaos inside Lila anymore.

Lila went home and packed her things. She left a note for her brother, and her parents. Nothing too dramatic;this was merely a trip. She'd come back.

She then raced across to the graveyard and stood by the gate. In a few moments, she would be wandering across that forest past the headstones, at which she had stared at for so long from beneath the poplar tree.

You never get tired of looking at freedom. But one does get tired of waiting for miracles to happen.

And so, she was going to make a miracle, and it wouldn’t happen here. She closed her eyes, trying to break all the strings that bound her to the graveyard. Her hands clenched and she laid them on the gate, releasing all the chaos and din. 

She turned around and walked away, her eyes following the flight of a bird.

When she reached the cafe, Rudin said, “You look ready for adventures.” Lila responded by linking her hand through Rudin’s as they walked to the station like old friends, not strangers who met a few hours ago.

The tracks and time both stretched on endlessly. Neither of them could sleep, so they exchanged stories, each learning new things about the others. They were beginning to realize that they were true reflections of each other, the only difference being their leaves. They fell asleep to a sound of familiarity they hadn’t felt for a long time.

Once they reached the town, the first thing they did was order a gigantic breakfast, courtesy of exactly two millionaires, and finish every last crumb. Then Lila asked, “Now what?”

Rudin replied, “You’ll see. I have something planned.”

 And they headed towards a place called ‘The Haven.’

 They spent half the day walking through the roads, alongside the buildings, the shops, the houses and the people. They walked past quaint cafes and lampposts until a path took them into the forest through the hillside.

 The air brought with it freshness. Golden leaves swirled in the slight breeze, the remaining swaying on the trees, sunlight filtering through them. They breezed through the hill, following the signs and feeling better and healthier than they had in a long time.

She then raced across to the graveyard and stood by the gate. In a few moments, she would be wandering across that forest past the headstones, at which she had stared at for so long from beneath the poplar tree.

You never get tired of looking at freedom. But one does get tired of waiting for miracles to happen.

And so, she was going to make a miracle, and it wouldn’t happen here. She closed her eyes, trying to break all the strings that bound her to the graveyard. Her hands clenched and she laid them on the gate, releasing all the chaos and din. 

She turned around and walked away, her eyes following the flight of a bird.

When she reached the cafe, Rudin said, “You look ready for adventures.” Lila responded by linking her hand through Rudin’s as they walked to the station like old friends, not strangers who met a few hours ago.

The tracks and time both stretched on endlessly. Neither of them could sleep, so they exchanged stories, each learning new things about the others. They were beginning to realize that they were true reflections of each other, the only difference being their leaves. They fell asleep to a sound of familiarity they hadn’t felt for a long time.

Once they reached the town, the first thing they did was o and finish every last crumb. Then Lila asked, “Now what?”

Rudin replied, “You’ll see. I have something planned.”

 And they headed towards a place called ‘The Haven.’

 They spent half the day walking through the roads, alongside the buildings, the shops, the houses and the people. They walked past quaint cafes and lampposts until a path took them into the forest through the hillside.

 The air brought with it freshness. Golden leaves swirled in the slight breeze, the remaining swaying on the trees, sunlight filtering through them. They breezed through the hill, following the signs and feeling better and healthier than they had in a long time.

When they came out of the forest, to the other side of the hill, it was dusk and all vestiges of poplar trees and mansions were snatched from their minds and they breathed deeply.

On one side were rustic cottages where they would be staying, nestled between the rocks. On the other side, a rocky path led down to the coastline, the waves lapping at the shore, a timeless measure of time. The sun was fading back into the sky, and the silhouettes of the trees were visible across the edge of the forest.

They scrambled down the hillside and sat on the beach, not talking. You don’t have to be something all the time. Sometimes, you could just be still, exist, and breathe. 

She twirled the pencil between her fingers as she lay on the bed. The room was dark. The windows were unopened, but evening had set. Her laptop was lit up, sporting a blank document.

Her aunt walked in and switched on the lights. Rida squinted.

“Yes, he took over his friend’s theatre. It’s doing quite well, he tells me,” she said to the phone. “But I’m sure he’s acting as well.”

Rida stared at her. Once her aunt had hung up, Rida asked, “Who’s theatre?”

“Haz’s. Didn’t he tell you? I thought you guys talked frequently.”

Oh, right. Haz, her cousin. “Yes, he told me.”

She sat up."He told me." The windows were opened. The laptop was closed and packed.

She knew that, quite possibly, this wouldn’t go according to plan. Life rarely functioned according to one. But a map and a rough destination could always work.

...

The plastic clasps of her backpack dug against her back as she leaned against it but she didn’t notice, lulled by the methodical movement of the train. She focused only on the newness of Uttarakhand.

It was morning when she reached. A few minutes before, she had gone to use the bathroom, leaving her bag on the berth. When she returned, it wasn’t there. She still had the key to the lock; but what use was the key without the lock?

There were her manuscripts, her ideas, all in that bag. Just then, that moment chose to strike her with the fact that she was a stranger in a strange land, with nothing. The panic struck.

Confused, she remained there until someone rushed up to her and handed her her bag, apologising profusely for a mix up and went away.

She let out a sigh and sat down. But all too soon it was time to leave.

She sat down on a bench, her head in her hands, still recovering. Calm, deep breaths, stillness. What must she do now, where should she go?

 Then, a tap the shoulder, a map held out. A tear streaked face, also reeling in shock, smiling.

The girl sat beside her and held out her hand. “I’m Leila. Assistant marine biologist, but now I do plays.” A glint in her eyes when she said this, a smirk toying at her face, even though she had been crying.

Rida gratefully accepted the map (was it given on pure impulse?) And shook Leila’s hand. “Rida. I’m a writer. Currently a sweaty, amateur traveller”, she said, by way of introduction.

She didn't know why Leila was crying that day until much later, but she knew that as Uttarakhand unravelled around them, her life, from a knot, somehow became unravelled too.

...

Blanks must not litter your life. If life is just one big breath drawn in and let out, blanks merely signify that you wait. Your soul waits, idle.

And so, Rida proposed her idea for a play to Haz as soon as she and Leila had located his theatre. And thinking this, about blanks and waiting, she had said yes, tremulously, when Haz had replied saying this:

“I know you can act," he told Rida, who didn’t protest after an introspective shrug. He looked at Leila. “I know you’re a part time actress. I act.” Haz spread his hands (always the dramatist, for obvious reasons). “Why not? With a few more people, we could make it.”

...

The keyboard was only shadows. She blinked, looked outside and started in surprise. Evening had crept up unnoticed. Even the dark windows of the other houses had not realised. She sat staring at their black outlines until one of them illuminated with a sudden remembrance.

Lights came alive in the marketplace from the corner of her window. Signs flashed at passers-by, begging for acknowledgement.

A walk through the market and a stroll through the street food vendors revealed that Haz wasn’t there. There must have been a glitch at the theatre.

Rida found a piece of empty pavement and sat down. Her play was coming to an end. She grinned and shook her head, thinking of the polished stage of the theatre, Leila’s face when she read Rida’s soliloquy, the quiet comfort of writing and the knowledge that they, everyone, would now know the workings of her mind.

...

A flower dropped down onto the road as she walked,frantic. A portent of grey skies.The light from the lanterns splayed out onto the ground, the shadows darting across the grass.

Thunder, lightning, fire. A siege. Tears and sunshine. Something crashing, then burning.Her mind.

How could something be lacking? After writing the play, with so much of her soul in it, she thought she’d be able to turn herself inside out and perform. She had never foreseen this, this...chaos. Her heart beating too fast, all thoughts leaving her...

Calm had evaded her once more. Something so simple, yet so difficult. Tampering with your emotions. Playing with them, throwing them at the audience to contemplate with an easy and effective bow.

In her head, so simple. She walked on in the distant glow of the lanterns and the green lit trees.

...

They settled down on the grass with their breakfast. It was a new place for them to rehearse, scouted out by Rida. Trees covered them from almost all sides-the chink revealed only a roughly carved stone slide. Leila, Rida and Haz, each in their own way, found in them some peaceful solitude in the clearing, in the riot of autumn leaves and the restless rustles of sunrays.

Rida began first. “As the gold of the sun paves my way, I ask you; what be your purpose of journey?”

When they finished, Leila smiled at her and Haz said, “You’re doing exceptionably well today,” shaking his sandwich approvingly at her.

Rida knew. Strange, the way the mind works. It runs too fast and when it stops, it changes paths, switched boats. Instead of swinging in a storm, you’re gliding on rivers.

A flower dropped down as she watched. An omen of blue oceans, for sure.

...

She had been planning to traverse the nearest hill but found herself walking past it towards some unspecified destination. She looked at the emerald of the waiting hill, the grey of the shops, and wished she could turn them into emotions that she could pull out on stage. And then, after a walk that lasted hours, she discovered that she could.

The realisation came in the wee hours of the evening, when twilight stretched across the sky and the garden she sat in. She watched the birds greet each other, the autumn leaves meet the earth and thought to herself, “This is a beautiful city.”

The second this thought trailed away, Rida knew this was what her character would have uttered. And suddenly, she yearned for the stage. That was when she began to laugh. The salvation that she felt when she felt her soul leap and surround her whole being when she thought about her play, the thrill of the adrenaline when the blood in her veins shivered with fear and fulfilment...it came out in mirth.

...

The day arrived. Rida woke to excited whispers. The cast had gathered around her to exchange news and nervous giggles. The sun rose and when it set, Rida knew only ecstasy and exaltation. She had ventured a little further into her world and now, well, life was waiting.