Love potions. Such a waste of time. Mr. Heartsick sitting in front of me is starting to ramble. I can’t concentrate. I let him drone on about her freckles and hair and how her giggle makes his chest constrict. When he’s done I’ll give him my speech about how love potions cause a temporary infatuation that slowly fades out, and he won’t listen to a word. He’ll give me almost as much of his attention as I’m giving him my own now. The truth is his only thoughts will be of basking in her infatuation and not a thing about what he needs to do to maintain it. And the truth is that right now. The only thing I’m thinking about is getting a hold of Ty and how quickly he can get me a fix.

As he wraps up his pain-stakingly detailed description of his fair maiden I grab a rose quartz bowl. In goes some cinnamon, vanilla, and cloves. I add some powders that I keep premixed. Dragon’s milk. Rose petals. And just as he becomes too caught up in my ritual to remember every single eyelash he’s ever pulled from her cheek and told her to wish upon, I get to the histrionic part of the show. A single drop of fae blood. Translucent and slightly iridescent. His breath catches as it hits the milky surface. It’s instantaneous. The contents of the bowl turns pale gold and shimmering. It’s liquid light. I fill a vial, and his hand reaches before I’ve even got the cork in.

“I need you to know that this will not cause love. This will keep her infatuated for about a week. The infatuation will slowly fade. You need to have a plan to gain her interest during the time of this infatuation. Help her fall for you. Do you understand?”

He shakes his head and grabs too quickly. I let him leave, though I doubt he has any plan. She won’t fall in love. He’ll sneak her some liquid love into her tea or her wine and become so caught up in her sudden unyielding interest that he’ll never do anything to keep her around.

I’m spent, and I need a hit. I convince Ty to stop by and then knock out while I’m waiting. I wake to his cool hand on my forehead. He looks concerned but also tired. His soft, bright eyes are concentrated frustration with the slightest trace of relief. I miss when those eyes shone with love for me, and I can’t help but feel disappointment in everything I’ve become.

“Mia...Damnit. I thought you said you needed to replenish potion supplies...I thought you were off the coal...”

I think about lying. He won’t believe me, but he might give me enough to make it through the night without the shakes and the sweats. I’m weighing my options when he pushes me off his lap and makes for the door.

“Ty, wait! I have enough for work, so I just need enough for the night. If I could just get like a coin then it’ll make the dreams easier on me...”

“I didn’t bring any. I’m no fool, Mia. You aren’t using five coins a week of fae blood making love potions, which seems to be all you’re selling anymore...”

I can’t believe him. He’s pacing the kitchen clearly unsure of what to do with me. I knew that he probably suspected that I was still using fae blood, but I figured that he was playing along to avoid putting me through having to say it.

“If you want me to stay I can. I can talk you through the dreams. Give you dragon’s milk so you sleep. I can help you relax through them. Help with the shaking. I miss you. I hate to see you stuck on this...”

“Can you go now? I have other plans tonight anyway. I don’t need you to make me feel guilty or judge me.”

I know he’s not trying to do either, but I need him to leave. He looks defeated. He gives me a quick, hurt nod. I walk him to the door. Our hands meet accidentally at the knob, and I see his face tighten. A quick kiss on my forehead and he’s gone.

If Ty won’t help me I have only one other option. I have to go to Callie. The lowest of the low. She’s a disgusting creature. A pixie that feeds off her own kind. It’s bad enough for us witches that are addicted to fae blood, but at least we aren’t spilling our own magic for fun. Maybe for profit or for spells sometimes. But I’d never dream of using another witch’s blood. Not to mention that the mere fact that she is an addict suggests she was doing something unsavory to cause her to get a taste for the drug.

I toss my cigarette out as I hit the buzzer for her apartment. The smell of rotting fruit drifts up to her front door from the alley, and I am torn between wishing she’d buzz me in and hoping I never have to see her again. I hit the button again three times in quick succession and almost immediately receive the sharp click of the door unlocking. The speaker must be out on the intercom. No surprise in this hovel.

“Mia. What’s up, babe? I like your hair dark like that.”

“You gonna let me in then?”

I push past her into the dark apartment. Her power must be out. This small studio is a fire hazard at the best of times, but right now it’s filled with smoke and what looks to be every candle the south side of the city holds. She’s close behind me, so I steal myself for whatever she might ask for in return. She’s horrid, but she’s also smart. My eyes are dilated, and I’m sweaty despite the cold. Not to mention that with her being a pixie she can probably smell me detoxing.

“You’re gonna let me do what I want with you, right, love?” My hand is on the nape of her neck, fingers wrapping through her lilac hair. I whisper into her pale clavicle, and I feel a small shock course through her skin. She leans into me, and I can tell this is going to be easy. I grab her hair hard and push her to the mattress on the floor. An hour or so of my hands and mouth violating her until she’s breathless and disoriented. I let my fingers slowly trace the small, crescent moon birth mark on her hip. She’s calm as she breathes out a light, approving sigh letting me know that we’re even.

“There’s needles and bowls on the mantle, but this time can you take enough so that I can drop too?”

I nod to her, but inside I’m nauseous. She’s going to drop her own blood? I’m no longer sure she’s a safe resource. She’s always disgusted me, but this is low even for her. I’ve never met a junkie using their own blood. Blood releases magic. The more you spill the less the being contains. The more you spill the more you have to use next time. At some point…you only have so much magical blood.

I pull a syringe full from her spidery, glowing veins and empty it into a crystal bowl. I drop the bowl into one of the larger candle’s flames. The smell is intoxicating. Sharp, biting citrus with sweet, sticky sugars clinging to the edges. The blood coagulates, no longer beautiful and iridescent but a matte black mess. I grab a dropper and it takes every bit of restraint I have to feed Callie first. I kiss her mouth open and then let a single drop slide onto her tongue. She smiles and lets her eyes flick upwards as she crashes into easy sleep. I pull the rest out and fill a vial from my bag I left near the front door. Then I take my drop. And suddenly everything is easy. Suddenly Callie isn’t such a disgrace. With her translucent skin and her pastel hair she’s actually quite lovely. I drift into sleep. And I don’t remember a thing.

The revolution is at hand,

so take a side and take a stand.

Those who sleep will finally wake,

the world will have a choice to make.

Those who stand for peace and truth

will likely rise and start a coup.

“Enough injustice! Enough with lies!

Let this movement mobilize!”

Those who think there’s nothing wrong

have been willfuly deceived all along.

Ignorance is not bliss, you see?

It is disgusting complacency!

Evil leaves clues everywhere,

so how can you be so unaware?

But thank God, life is cyclical

and truth will reign again in the physical.

Authenticity, creativity and loyalty

over fakeness, plagiary and treachery.

So take a side and take a stand,

or keep scrolling, like a ship unmanned.

Fall and shatter like glass

You feeble minded creatures, you stare you listen but never do you learn

Break apart, do as I command, for sin may I be yet power is my true identity

I control you, don’t disobey; if you do then dearly shall you pay

Drag yourself to hell and back, sing with all my pain

Make my misery spread through out, I command of thy this

Kill, destroy, break down, for all humans can do is such

Kneel before sin you filthy vermin

I control you and your kin like puppets dancing at the command of their threads

Don’t disreguard my power for which I am, humans don’t have a will out of my reach

For I shall make each of you bow

I learned how to protect myself at a very young age. I learned how to shut everyone out and not to depend on anyone but myself. I learned that even the people who are supposed to love you and not hurt you in the end always do. I learned how to ignore my emotions and push through all the shit. I had to become okay with being alone and dealing with my problems on my own. I was always okay with being alone because I knew that it was safe. But for the first time in my life I don’t want to be alone and I’m fighting a part of myself that I have never fought before. I’m fighting the part of myself that I developed to keep myself safe. I don’t know how to fight the instinct that has always been right in the end. I don’t know how to fight this part of me that is screaming “retreat get back inside the walls close the doors”

The Boy was sad

And Depressed.

The Mother tried her best

To cheer him up

But it wasn't enough

Till he saw it was just like him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iFWyihDvCE

I can feel it in the air, it’s time to say goodbye

To an old version of me that’s trying to ruin my life

I try to be happy but I’ve got this darker side

That’s taking my smile and still selling me lies

Like I’m not good enough for love

Or the love that I give will never be enough

To keep a good woman from always gettin up

And leaving a broken man alone, in the dust

It’s a daily battle to keep me from giving up

But she tells me that I’m strong, and she’s not going anywhere

Even when I hit the bottom and choose to stay there

I’m always at war with bad decisions I’ve made

But I can’t do it any more, that’s over today

So I’ll put it in the air, and let it float away

All the things that hurt, that I keep from yesterday

Let it rain tonight, and bring me a new day

I close my eyes as I feel it coming over me

I got this voice inside my head, I choose to call him fear

He says I’m all alone and that no one loves me here

Well fuck, sometimes he’s right cuz I’ve done some stupid shit

A result of my own actions, how low I fuckin get

Now if that’s the case and it all starts and ends with me

I’m the one in control of how happy I can be

So I give away these words and accept the therapy

Of saying goodbye to yesterday and hello to a better me

I know I can be better and I think she knows it too

Why else would a good fucking woman wanna see this shit through?

She says all the time we’re more important than the fear

So all this worrying shot has gotta stop here

So I’ll put it in the air, and let it float away

All the things that hurt, that I keep from yesterday

Let it rain tonight, and bring a new day

I close my eyes as I feel it coming over me