I want him, whoever he is, to take me to the most picturesque spot I can think of something with a wonderful view. I feel like I know who the "he" is, but I don't want to say because even in my wildest dreams one cannot predict the future.

I can see him down on one knee eyes shining asking for the one thing I want to be able to give him. It is undoubtedly a yes because I've been waiting for for so long. I want it to be perfect the ring and everything he says so I can type it away for later as a memory to tell others and maybe to write about. The thing I want to remember though is the look in his eyes when he kisses me and tells me he loves me and only to know I spending my future with my best friend.

I only remember driving by the church in passing; that one place that had a parking lot where you turned around if you got lost.

I'd only stepped inside for five minutes to briefly ask if they provided counseling had been given a brochure which didn't help much and had never gone back. If anything, that should've been a red flag.The strange thing about the church was it was sandwiched in the corner of a strip mall across from a deli and a pet shop. In general it was an odd place for church, regardless of how you defined a church.

I didn't really hear much about them until my sister Olive had filled out an application for a class there and why I didn't know, but clearly she had her reasons (something about research). By the time she returned the application it looked like a small novel.

My family and I were more than a little surprised when a man in a pressed slacks and a button up shirt appeared at our door one evening carrying a briefcase and a what appeared to be a small projector and subsequent screen.

My parents let him in, but they were more than a little perplexed.So there me and Olive were sitting in the family room while this guy who looked like a used car salesman set up his projector and screen. The projector, in fact, turned out to be an old school film reel.

Was this place not in the 21st-century?

The guy beamed.

Yep, definitely used car salesman.

"I just wanted tell you a little bit about us. You gave us way more information than were used to seeing so we figured you must be pretty serious or very intrigued by our humble little church."

"Well actually--" my sister began.

This guy, who said his name was Aaron didn't seem to be listening. He began what seemed to be giving a very well rehearsed speech.The film began and I watched in a dazed sort of way; I wasn't really paying attention particularly once I got the gist of what his pitch was.

The church didn't even seem to use any of the tools I knew most respectable churches used in their basis of their teaching seemed, for lack of a better word, phony. The basis of religion they were preaching began with Moses and not even God, that wasn't much of a religion.

"This isn't faith, it's a religion." I muttered to my sister. "People bending over backwards to do things and not people realizing what's already been done for them."

The premise seemed to be that they had cut-and-paste from every popular religion with a basis in Christianity, a little of Catholicism and a little bit of Mormon. What they didn't like from the other religions they seem to made up on the spot which seemed to center around a lot of Old Testament teachings.

Finally the reel ended. Aaron turned, beaming at my sister, who looked nonplussed.

"Well do we have your support? You seemed very passionate in your application."

"My family and I already belong to a very well respected church and not what you seem to have made up." My sister replied stiffly in an unflinching sort of way. Had it been appropriate, I would have applauded.

"I wouldn't give money to your ministry even if you paid me." I replied, "you're asking people to give money to benefit yourselves not the people around you or to benefit what you call a congregation."

"We're just trying to be accessible to those who find traditional religions unsuitable." Aaron replied unruffled.

"Accessible doesn't equate to truth." My father replied firmly.

"We will pray for you." My mother offered, "that you find your way back to the truth and your congregation sees the light."

In short we sent Aaron away with his tail between his legs his briefcase and his out of date film projector. Then we prayed that the little church in the shopping mall would come to repentance and Christ and not be dragged down by how the world perceived religion.

#religion #faith #commentary

No one knows why people's pants literally started catching on fire every time they told the slightest fib, but it made for a very exciting television and maybe not so exciting consequences for the person involved.Needless to say, the fire department was very busy. Major businesses had taken to employing small groups of firefighters to follow behind certain people (you know the type) and spray them down with fire extinguishers. Most people learned to live for this except for those in power, which seemed to scoff and turn up their noses at the idea despite evidence to the contrary.None of this was more prevalent than in Washington where small groups of firefighters were kept busy around the clock every time a politician went anywhere. It didn't matter the party or affiliation everywhere politicians' pants were constantly bursting into flame. This also made voting easier because you always knew who was being truthful and who wasn't."Please don't send the brigade again." One irritated politician sighed before his latest speech."Are you sure sir?" A security detail asked looking worried, "it comes highly recommended.""I'm positive!" The politician in question snapped afterwards he would straighten his lapels, and comb his close cropped hair. "Besides, I can handle myself."Needless to say said politician would be very sorry later if he had to be doused by the closest pitcher of water or if the fire department had to be called and he was out a pair of trousers.This was also used to great effect within the judicial system itself. Corrupt judges were weeded out and small groups of firefighters followed around criminals every time they spoke to law enforcement; it was more efficient because there were usually quicker confessions.Smart people tried to avoid this in court itself, because who wanted to get charged with perjury, and well, the results spoke for themselves.This author would appreciate such a world because it would save me the irritation of trying to explain to other parties why one politician was better than another and who was clearly crooked. Mostly, it would probably save my parents a good deal of angst because of politics and the media because we would always know who was telling the truth.

#humor

Horace Johnson's wife had thrown him out of the house.

Why had she thrown him out of the house? The culprit of his latest experiment has been on her prized bearded dragons. He thought maybe he could breed a real dragon or at least make something fly; even that was a long shot. He had spliced some bat DNA into an egg hoping to get something resembling wings at least that was a start.

He now alternated his time between the garage and his lab where he ran experiments on genetically modified organisms.That, however had been just the beginning.Horace has been satisfied with the results of his latest experiment and soon he had tiny winged bearded dragons which flapped lazily around their enclosure looking at him placidly with large blinking eyes.

At least they had one up on their prey which a group of them usually devoured about ten seconds.This was the problem with Horace, however, he always thought he could one up himself which had gotten him into trouble more than once usually it resulted in something exploding or dying or both.

In this case he wondered if he could actually breed a real firebreathing dragon however it would be significantly scaled down. Maybe he could even sell them.His first few attempts resulted in what he expected the chemical components he needed to create something that could withstand breathing fire without incinerating the creature's innards were not easy to replicate. Usually this involved several of his subjects bursting into flame or dying before the subject has even hatched.

Finally he added another burst of reptilian DNA from some kind of snake hoping the different type of egg shell would at least withstand the genetically modified embryo. The result was a lizard with wings that emitted small sparks and had and excessive appetite he equated this to the energy the animal had to produce.He tweaked his chemical components which he injected into the lizards and bred the strongest specimens.

The result was interesting to say the least an iridescent, winged lizard which seemed to glow from the inside out and occasionally emitted small flames like a lighter. While they had the appetite of the standard bearded dragon they were moderately dangerous, Horace didn't think it was a good idea to market them to children or have them around cats and dogs.

"Those crazy lizards you could sell them as nightlights!" His friend suggested,

"Providing they're fed and don't set someone's house on fire."

Horace has never been a man to turn down money so he tried the best he could to see if he could get any sales. People either had to reactions; they thought it was really cool but too dangerous, or they thought he was absolutely crazy, Horace wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or bad thing.He finally marketed them to exotic animal enthusiasts who were used to taking care of "unusual creatures".

Then his sales for the few dragons he had began to pick up it also helped he sold them with a warning label:

Fire Hazard: Keep Away from Pets and Small Children

In the next few months he got several emails from satisfied customers. One such email came with an attached photo of one of the lizards sitting on a nightstand while he peered up at the camera glowing and looking nonplussed. Maybe his friend had been right about the nightlight thing.

#fantasy

If an asteroid was going to hit Earth and in an hour I certainly wasn't going to spend it sleeping waiting for death.

"So this is it." I attempted to say in an offhanded tone.

"Apparently." My best friend replied as if he didn't quite believe in asteroid could strike the earth and kill all of humanity, but it had happened with the dinosaurs it could certainly happen again. It also didn't help that most of the civilized world has lost faith in modern science after the viral outbreak of 2020.

He was quiet again and he was hardly ever that quiet.

"Guess I'll see you in heaven." He murmured quietly.

"At least we have that to look forward to…" I murmured in reply, nestling into his shoulder as I spoke.

We had fallen into another companionable silence for several long moments before I spoke again.

"Kiss me." The words were abrupt and out before I could stop them.

He actually turned to look at me a mixture of surprise, confusion and almost disbelief passing across his face in quick succession. That was readable enough in his blue eyes, which were most notable feature in his face in contrast to his brown hair and beard; even if the beard, in my opinion, had to go.

"What?" He asked as if he hadn't heard me correctly, which, I knew he had.

"Kiss me." I repeated. "If there's a person I want to share it with its you."

I saw a rather than heard him sigh as he shifted on the couch. His fingers reached for my face trailing along my neck, my jaw, my chin. He leaned forward and very slowly as if time had slowed to a crawl, his lips met mine.

I shifted against the sensation reminded again why didn't like facial hair in any way shape or form, but it was him, my best friend, the person I could say I loved most at least in this context.

For several seconds I didn't move. He was moving slowly, carefully, as if feeling his way and I knew he was waiting for a response-a real response. Slowly, and just as carefully I kissed him back, feeling the pressure of his lips against mine and carefully I deepened the kiss, almost afraid he would pull away like I knew he probably wanted to as if he were getting in over his head. This, however, like my feelings, I couldn't take back I had never been able to.

Finally, we parted for air and looked at each other.

"Is-is that what you wanted?" He finally asked still trying to catch his breath.

Reflexively, I touched my lips and only nodded.

"Thanks." I mumbled, unsure of what else to say.

"You're welcome, I guess." He shrugged and an embarrassed grin flitted across his face.

We fell back into our silence as I picked at the hem of a blanket nearby, if only for something to do with my hands, which were itching to touch him again.

"I guess if I spend the end with anyone it would have to be you." I murmured without looking at him.

Time seemed to pass slowly but too quickly and we had long since given up watching the news. In those last few minutes skin touched skin and I absolutely ran my hand through his hair again, stealing kisses when I could wanting to touch him in every way humanly possible. So we sat there in the dark just the two of us-waiting for oblivion.

"Me-roooowwww, me-roooowwww, me-roooowwww!"

Kia groaned, muttered an expletive and pulled the pillow over her head, but that did little to block out the noise coming from outside her window. Even with the windows shut she could still hear the droning noise.

"Now, now, now!" The echoing voice seemed to say.

"Darn cats!" She grumbled as she continued to lie in bed as the noise, which was that of an annoyed Siamese cat continued.

Whose bright idea had it been to use Siamese cats as a citywide alarm system anyway? It was one of the many things she had gotten use to as she had grown up. The year was 2027 and while drones and self driving cars were abundant, they still had their issues, supporters and protesters.

The self driving cars had their uses, Kia agreed, aside from needing a little bit more maintenance than usual when the program decided to go on the fritz, but the alarm system was just annoying. She agreed that drones were useful, you could get practically anything from anywhere in a matter of minutes and it made shopping so much easier! She hated the fact that they used the cats on the alarms.

Maybe it was because Illinois governor Steve Pinkelwitz and his wife, Tiffany had a propensity for Siamese cats (they owned five) and they thought they would share their "joy" with the rest of the state and were trying to implement the alarm system in other states.

Good luck with that. Kia thought as she stared up at the ceiling. The ceiling of her room (at least the room she used when she was home with her parents) was yellow, it hadn't changed much since she had left for college, but when she needed a place to crash it sufficed.

Just then the alarm started up again.

"Me-roooowwww, me-roooowwww, me-roooowwww!"

This time Kia was ready, she grabbed the nearest heavy object and was about to launch her electronic assistant "Alexa" out the window when there was a knock on the door.

"Kia, dear, are you up?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Kia grumbled.

"You ready the food drone delivery is coming at 8 I need someone to sign for it since I have to leave in a few minutes."

"Alright." Kia mumbled, "I'll be up in a minute… Not that I can sleep anyway." She swung her legs over the side of her bed.

"Thanks dear!" Her mother said cheerfully. "I don't know what we did before those cat alarms, at least people aren't late for work anymore… Among other things."

Kia grabbed a T-shirt from the floor and threw it over her head.

"Alexa, make a note to collect for drone delivery at 8 AM."

Setting a reminder, said a cheerful female electronic voice, drone delivery at 8 AM; and don't forget to eat breakfast!

"Thanks Alexa." Kia muttered as she hurried out of her bedroom.

At least the cat alarms stopped at 8 AM. They ran from 6 AM to 8 AM at various intervals, during emergencies, and on alternate Tuesdays at the beginning of every month.

When Kia got to the kitchen her mother was preparing to leave.

"Hey you and dad got food for this morning?" She asked.

"Made sandwiches with leftovers from last night." Her mother answered, whose bubbly personality fit her flyaway red hair perfectly, "and of course the drones would have delivered to the local businesses already, so I think were good today. What are you doing today? You still have another week before you go back to school."

"Probably hang out with Bella and Jethro," Kia answered, "Jethro and I talked about going to a movie tonight."

Jethro was Kia's boyfriend and worked as an engineer. He worked on the drones so Kia felt like he was the perfect person to complain to about them.

"Good, good." Her mother muttered, "I'll see you tonight." Then she punched a button on her keys and a dark green sedan pulled up to the curb.

Kia watched as her mother's car drove away. Just as she was about to go back to her room, finish getting dressed, and call her friends. The nearby Alexa unit piped up.

"Drone delivery for 2445 West Heinlein Road; Soul residence, now arriving. Time: 8:02 AM

Sighing, Kia went to open the door and retrieved the dropped delivery. At least no one was sending her a box of Siamese kittens.

This was a story I wrote a few years ago... since I am busy with other projects I decided to post it on here. It all started as a joke when I owned a Siamese cat about what would happen if they were used as alarms.

#humor #animals #cats #scifi

Meant to have this as part of a challenge, but I missed it. This was a story had been kicking around for a while trying to decide whether I wanted to make it a short story or something longer, essentially the day in the life of a service dog in training.

You remember the first day he arrived, the large building the concrete floor and the kennel with rows and rows of other dogs, which was surprisingly quiet.

He was put in a kennel with another dog, small, female who wagged her tail in a polite sort of way as she sniffed to greet him.

In this strange new setting there were things he knew and things he didn’t. The commands give learned as a puppy were the same and the daily routine is the same he could walk and run and play and he was fed twice a day, so he was content. Then there were the things that were new. He trained with the same trainer every day and learned LOTS of new commands; how to open and close doors with a rope in his mouth, how to pick up objects from the floor (some harder than others) and how to put his paws up on someone’s lap who was sitting down.

Then one day everything changed.

He was taken from the kennel and put in a crate, which was moved to another part of the building. It was a smaller room with a few other dogs in crates but they mostly ignored him as people came in and out of the room.

Then he was brought into another room there were people in the and people who didn’t know. Some of them seemed as apprehensive as he had been all he knew was they were unsure… Maybe this was new to them too. He worked with a female human in a rolling chair, but he was used to these contraptions by now, the trainers had used them often. He practiced his commands for her and after a while she seemed as confident as the trainers… That made him feel more comfortable. When she did something he perceived as correct his tail wagged more and the trainers seemed happy too.

They worked very hard, like he had with the trainers. They went to places the humans called “public” places his family use to take him to places dogs didn’t normally go. He was used to the “big boxes” humans rode in to go up and down, the doors and the floor didn’t bother him anymore; he was sure, confident.

After some time he was taken to another room back in the building where the kennel was and he was put in his vest, which had gotten some getting used to, but he didn’t mind it so much now. It meant he was doing his job. The humans were happy that much was sure. Their tone radiated happiness, which made him happy too.

There had been so many changes in the past few weeks so many new places and people; new situations he had never experienced before. He had learned to get along with his new handler and he was sure there would be more new experiences as his journey continued.

His family had said he was going to do big things, well this felt like a big thing. He could do this, the trainers knew he could and his handler, who relied on him knew he could; they would continue to learn together they were a team. He liked that.

I was on a trip to Greece at the insistence of my sister-in-law and it was there, among the high mountains and swirling clouds, I met a Greek god.

I knew it was Dionysus immediately (thank you eighth grade literature) and I wondered what he wanted of me.

"Make me laugh." He stated simply. "Anything less I will have you executed."

That seems a bit steep, I thought, I'm just an American tourist. However, these were the things Greek mythology was made of.

I considered.

"I have just the thing, but I need a week or so to prepare."

The normally jovial Greek god was silent for several moments, apparently considering my offer.

"I will give you the time you seek, but it better be worth my while." In another swirl of clouds he was gone.

The funniest person I knew was my dad and his writing was just as funny (I thought so anyway, but I may be a bit biased). I knew I couldn't tell my family what I was up to they would never believe me I simply asked for a copy of one of my dad's books and a business card. The next part of my plan was going to be harder, I had to find a scholar at the local university that could translate English to ancient Greek, that was no easy task.

After searching the Internet and making several phone calls I found a scholar willing to hear me out. Again, I didn't mention why I needed such a random book translated into a Greek, no one would have believed me.

The scholar was about five or ten years younger than I was with an average build, dark hair and sallow skin.

He frowned as he studied the book.

"This will take me a while, even with the software I have access to."

"I need it in a week." I replied flatly.

The young man sighed.

"I'll do my best."

I only hoped that would be enough.

I barely took notice of the sightseeing and activities my family did over the next several days. I was too anxious to see how the translation would come out or if the humor would be lost. Finally the scholar called and said the translation was ready. When I arrived in the small cramped office I was handed a large bound folder, the book was all there printed neatly on what looked like an entire ream of paper.

"Hope this is good enough." He said with a small smile.

I nodded and thanking him.

You and me both. I thought.

Lugging the large folder with the rest of my hiking supplies I returned to the trail in the mountains where I had encountered Dionysus. Several minutes later he appeared, as if on cue.

"Have you completed my request?" He asked without preamble.

"I have." I replied just as succinctly.

I handed over the folder.

"It's a story my dad wrote, it's the funniest thing I could think of I thought you might enjoy it."

Then Dionysus sat under a small tree nearby, which was dwarfed by his large rotund frame and opened the folder I hoped his infinite knowledge allowed him the context the story would need, what a "zombie" was and what a "turkey" was. I also hoped the translator had added footnotes for clarity.

Dionysus was silent for what seemed like an eternity studying the pages over and over the only sound was of the turning of individual pages.

He was almost finished reading when he began to laugh. It started softly then turned into a chuckle then a full-blown belly laugh that almost upset the entire ream of paper.

I wondered what had made him laugh but it's possible he found something else funny that a human wouldn't. I waited anxiously.

Finally he filed the papers away in the folder, close it, and set it aside.

"It was interesting." He said mildly. "You humans are funny creatures I'll never understand your actions even with my own knowledge. Funny story, with funny humans doing funny things and birds going crazy. I like it." When I finally looked up he was smiling which made his face seemed even wider and rounder than it already was.

"You pass, mortal. I have never been more entertained." With a brief nod he was gone again. That was a god for you.

I made the trip back down the mountain feeling more relaxed than I had in days. It was certainly going to be a vacation I was never going to forget.

#humor

I feel like the analogy of the phoenix is overdone. There is more than just a rebirth a new beginning as people start over.

For me sometimes it's just a little thing, a small change that can move you forward into a "new phase" of your life it's not a new beginning just a new chapter.

In some cases this is just a haircut, new glasses or a new habit. Currently it is trying to keep my body moving despite many changes and new ways of doing things to keep my independence. My lift, surgery and service dog are part of that. Those are my new beginnings. They are many months and years in the making and they all began with little things. I encourage people not to forget those little things because they are part of rebirth and new beginnings too.

This poem is based off of something one of my small group leader told me a few years ago. That she saw God was keeping my heart safe for the person I would marry\fall in love with.

The treasure is not of earth

Not man made, but of far more worth

The Lord of heaven protect my heart

For the day; for the man He has set apart

The treasure is not of earth

Not man made, but of far more worth

Until that day to be kept safe

By a God of love and grace