“Do you even love them?”
Is what my stepmother told me after I admitted that the only reason I still lived with my father and her was because of my siblings. I suffered so much because I wanted to be a part of their lives and yet they questioned my love for them.
I could also name the time my father called me a hypocrite or when my evil witch of a stepmother said I was a bad friend, but they haven't hurt as much as the first.
They are happily out of my life and I don't want them back.
Slippin
I smile so others may smile.
I laugh so that others may feel joy.
I kill myself so that no other may feel the pain I feel.
This darkness is ever-growing. Ever-consuming, I try to ignore it, but it screams for me. I will always be here; you will always have me here.
Clawing my brain.
burning my soul
killing my will.
I give them everything.
I shoulder their burdens. I listen to their problems. I comfort them so that they never feel alone.
But what do I do when I am alone? Who is there to shoulder my burdens? I'd gladly hold the world up for them, but would they do that for me?
What do I do when the world is too much? What do I do when my mind torments me? Making me think of everything I don't what to know.
The tears are flowing down my face now, the thoughts coming faster and louder. I want to bash my head in so it stops. I want everything to quiet down. I want to feel normal!
I'm so tired now. Tired of it all.
When this darkness fully consumes me, when I'm alone when I'm stretched thin.
Who is there? Who will hold me? Who will comfort me when everything is dark?
When the voices win? When life drags me to the seventh layer of hell? When I wish to see the wall painted with my blood?
Who would care to stop me?