General Sherman (A Spoiled Dog’s Tale)
If you have followed my posts then you may already be familiar with my dog Sherman. I have made little headway in teaching Sherman to read, but we are progressing in some other equally important subjects. For instance, Sherman drinks scotch. Blended scotch. Dewar’s. It’s not quite up to the well-aged, single malt stuff, but it is still higher toned than my father’s bourbon. And Sherman smokes. Marlboro lights, in a flip top box. Don’t roll your eyes! I have a picture! None of that generic, economical, South American tobacco for my buddy! He is a “Man’s Dog”, no doubt, who also enjoys college football and SEC Gameday, particularly when the University of Georgia’s “Uga” is in the mix. I could easily feel as old as I am, or older even, but for General Sherman keeping me young... that dog and his wonderful vices.
By saying all of this I am not advocating smoking or drinking, especially if the preacher is nearby. In fact, I would discourage it in any other dog. What is good for General Sherman’s physical and mental well-beings would more than likely kill another dog, one with a weaker disposition (Yes, to my father’s mortal agony my dog is named after that Yankee general who burned Atlanta, but I am an evolved Southerner, so I saddled the dog with the name as a declaration of my pride in all of America, and not just in its lower half. Besides, isn’t it just like Father to complain about my innocent dog’s name-sake even as he sips on the General’s scotch?) I have another dog, as well. Josey Wales. Josey abstains from both tobacco and liquor, yet she and General Sherman somehow remain friends. Josey Wales is good, and she is undoubtedly smart (if a bit plain), but Josey only barks like any other dog, while Sherman... Sherman has a style!
Sherman also has a paper, a diploma, a piece of paper that states how very smart he is, but don’t believe everything you print off of the internet. That internet is full of lies. His damned paper ain’t worth the cartridge he wasted printing on it. To prove that, I will tell you that he used up the expensive color cartridge to print it, even though he is both color-blind, and black and white... literally. More proof that he is undeserving of any educational accolades.
I must go now. The bell is ringing. It is probably the “Amazon Prime” truck bringing Sherman’s new slippers. He finally found some that match his smoking jacket.
“Come Sherman, and bring your wallet!”
Dead Man Laughin’
Comedians die,
Nightly —
Sometimes twice.
Their dreams squeezed,
Tightly —
In a vice.
Who knows,
Even slightly —
Stings they feel.
Though we ask
(impolitely)
“Is it really real?”
Comedy kills,
Nightly —
With pokes & pecks.
Yet its victims beg,
Brightly —
“Can I be next?”
© 2016 j.s.lamb
VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gpSkSfX9Co&feature=youtu.be
Don’t complicate LIFE.
Missing someone?? ...
then CALL.
Wanna meet up?? ...
then INVITE.
Wanna be understood??...
then EXPLAIN.
Have questions??...
then ASK.
Don’t like something??...
then SAY IT.
Like something??...
then STATE it.
Want something??...
then ASK FOR IT.
Love someone??...
then CONFESS IT.
Nobody will ever know what’s going in your mind.
It’s better to EXPRESS than to EXPECT .
You already have the NO, take the risk of getting the YES.
We only have one life.
KEEP IT SIMPLE. DON’T COMPLICATE IT.
“Far too long”
As I dove in-
I forgot how to swim!
I left his bed; grabbing my clothes, with dread!
Heading back home-
Waiting, by the phone!
It rang-
My lonely heart sang!
Now I am stuck-
Love, or more bad luck?
A brief interlude?
I don’t mean to be rude!
Confusion or illusion?
Memories swim-
Both, shallow and deep...
As I shower.
I weep.
By Benz Copyright © 2019
5/2/19
Tired Now
I’m tired now
I have no more wit
Or words to say.
And, as usual,
Nobody will believe me
Anyway.
I have so much left unsaid.
But your flawed logic
And ‘sane’ attempts
To rationalise
Everything
Wear me down.
You don’t listen.
You don’t care.
You already have the story.
Your narrative, made up..
So whatever I say
Is pointless.
Except to say:
I’m tired now