I loved you, at first,

more than anything.

Nothing else mattered,

if I could be by your side,

I would’ve protected you from a n y t h i n g.

The feeling of

your lips touching mine.

Cold and dull,

is it wrong that I still miss them?

Your eyes drifted to others,

never straying to mine, and

never filled with the same spark.

Why won’t you look at me?

You would say it,

those three words and I could only listen

as you say it to the others.

Not to me. Never to me.

They always got your love,

and warm smiles,

while you gave me your screams of

“You should be happy. Why aren’t you happy?”

My orders:

never to be near you,

holding hands was forbidden,

we did not know each other, not publicly.

They would get the wrong idea.

“She’s just a friend,” You would say.

Forcing me into a corner, chained,

your collar (pleaseithurtsithurts) leaving me

b r e a t h l e s s.

It was all a game, right?

Of how fast I could love you (whatwasithinking),

of how much I could bleed (Goditwaseverywhere),

of how long before I couldn’t take it (saveme,please,anyone).

You were the king,

and I, your faithful pawn,

just another piece on your board.

Your touches, never warm, never tender

What an artist you were,

Always defacing your canvas with your brushes,

Aren’t you talented?

Is this what love is?

Take it back, please,

I don’t want this anymore.

I just wanna forget (getitoutgetitout).

“It’s okay, you don’t have to love me, no one ever does.”

[I posted this on here about 2 years ago but as you can see it's been changed. Now, I've never been this kind of situation but I feel like I captured what it's like. Hope you liked it.]

you were supposed to love me,

the one with your blood in her veins.

but you don't, do you?

because if you did, you wouldn't have left,

and don't give me that bullshit that it wasn't your choice.

it was, you know it, I know it.

so don't act like you left to give me a better life

you can't make it all better by just coming into my life again.

so stop trying

you made your choice to leave.

no matter what happened that day it was your fucking choice

to leave your SIX-YEAR-OLD daughter alone,

with just a mother to love her.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU.

you did a bad thing knowing that you had a little girl at home just waiting for her daddy to get home so that she can matter to you again.

so that she becomes the most important thing to you again, but she never will.

At SIX, she figured out that she'd always be second.

but she didn't care, she just loved to hear her daddy say "I love you" even if it wasn't true or real.

She just wanted a father to love her, like he's supposed to, unconditionally.

no matter what she did, it never worked.

and now she is done trying to make it happen.

she floats in a pool of stars

letting the luminous spheres brush against her skin

as planets and galaxies pass her

men in white suits look to her in wonder

as they place flags in the ground

defiling a beautiful surface with their cheap decorations

wretched thoughts wash away into the heavenly body that holds her

a content glow shines within her smile as she carries on

through a sea of wonder and catastrophes

This is NOT me!

This is NOT who I am!

This is NOT who I want to be!

I don’t want to be this person anymore,

This fake person who doesn’t belong.

I want to be my old self again.

But I can’t,

And it’s all your fault.

I changed for you,

So you would accept me.

You still haven’t,

There’s always something wrong,

I’m never just enough.

Can I ever be someone you’ll be proud of

or

Will I always be a disappointment?

Am I Perfect?

“No.”

Do I have your love?

“No.”

Are you proud to be with me?

“No.”

Would you replace me?

“Yes, in an instant.”

To you, the me that I am now is a bad thing,

So I need to reinvent myself to match your taste.

Well, I’m over it!

Find someone else to do your bidding!

Because I’m DONE being your little doll!

“WHO am I?”

I am someone I don’t want to be.

″Daddy, don’t go!”

You were walking so fast,

Too fast for my little feet to keep up.

Was it that easy for you to leave me?

I know you heard my screams, but you never stopped.

I should have known you wouldn’t. You just kept going.

Farther and farther away, not trying to get one last look at me.

I punched, pushed, and pulled trying to make you stop.

You just kept going.

″Please don’t leave me!”

Mommy said you did a bad thing and now you have to leave.

How long do I have to wait before you realize your mistake?

Is it because you don’t want me anymore, daddy?

Have you found a better daughter?

I'll be good, the best daughter anyone could ask for, I promise!

I won't cry or yell and always my veggies,

I'll even let you play with my toys.

Come back, please. I need you, daddy.

you were supposed to love me, your daughter.

the one with your blood in her veins.

but you don’t, do you?

because if you did, you wouldn’t have left.

and don’t give me that bullshit that it wasn’t your choice.

it was. you know it. I know it.

so don’t act like you left to give me a better life.

you can’t make it all better by just coming into my life again.

you can’t. So stop trying.

you made your choice. to leave.

no matter what happened that day. it was your fucking choice.

to leave your SIX-YEAR-OLD daughter alone,

with just a mother to love her.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU.

you did what you did, knowing that you had a little girl at home just waiting for her daddy to get home so that she can matter to you again.

so that she becomes the most important thing to you again, but she never will.

At SIX, she figured out that she’d always be second.

but she didn’t care, she just loved to hear her daddy say “I love you” even if it wasn’t true or real.

She just wanted a father to love her, like he’s supposed to, unconditionally.

no matter what she did, it never worked.

and now she is done trying to make it happen.

He could feel it

His body turning to dust

Like the others around him

He didn’t wanna go

Not now. Not when they’re almost done.

He could do nothing but feel pain

I don’t feel so good.

As he stumbled over to the man who helped him

The man who shaped him

His hero, mentor, father-figure.

It wouldn’t be long before he too was gone

So he fell into the man’s arms

And in a voice holding nothing but fear,

I don’t wanna go, please, I don’t wanna go.

He fell to the ground his feet turned to particles

Continuing until only his head remained.

He managed to get two words out to the man

Before the dust took him like it did countless others

The man with eyes stricken with grief and despair and anger

The man who could only watch as the boy left this world

I’m sorry.

"Please stay with me, daddy!"

You were walking so fast.

Too fast for my little feet to keep up.

Was it that easy for you to leave me?

I know you heard my tear-filled screams, but you never stopped.

You just kept going.

Farther and farther away, not even trying to get one last look at me.

I punched, pulled, and pushed trying to make you stop.

You didn’t.

You just kept going.

Leaving me behind.

"Please don’t leave me!"

Pain.

I remember it too well.

The heart throbbing pain.

As we watched you leave.

Me and mommy.

My eyes were wet.

Hers were dry, cold.

As if she knew this would happen.

I looked into mommy's eyes.

Her brown eyes began spinning with webs of lies.

Lying to me for you.

How long do I have to wait for you before you realize that what you did was a mistake?

What was the reason you stayed away for so long?

Was it all the stupid crap you did in the past or is it because you don’t want me anymore?

Since you left, I dreamed of your return.

The day you would wrap me in your arms and whisper in my ear,

"I'm sorry for what I did. I promise I will never leave you again, my little Cookie Monster."

Then I wake up, hoping to see you.

Hoping that it wasn’t all a dream.

But reality soon caught up, and the dream quickly died.

I remember all the tears I had rushing down my face

as I saw you leave me and mommy behind, to never return.

I'm so incomplete without you, I need my daddy back in my life.

You deceived me, you said you would always be there.

You pinky promised.

You broke your promise.

How can I trust you again?

Do you still think of me as your "cookie monster" or

a daughter you never loved, a daughter you could leave

behind without a single goodbye in the blink of an eye?

I wish you were here to watch me grow up

but we both know that will never happen.

"I miss you so much! Won’t you please come back to me, daddy? I just need to see your face one last time."

Am I that disappointing I need to work to make you love me?

“Hey, daddy even if you don’t love me I will always love you no matter what happens.”

I bet you didn't even think about how I would feel when you left.

No, you only thought of yourself like you always do.

You missed all my birthdays, first dates, father-daughter dances,

and you may even miss my wedding, not that you even care.

Did you know that I would wait for the postman to bring the mail

and check to see if there was a letter for me?

But there never was.

I eventually stopped going, knowing nothing was there for me.

"Well, daddy looks like you really didn't care about me buts it's in the past.

Now I have a family who loves me, stays with me, and likes for who I am.

I don't need you anymore.”

Daddy, I still need you. Please, come back.

Story time: When I was 6, my dad was deported to the Dominican Republic. I remember visiting him in prison before he was booted out of the country. I was only a child then and I don't remember much but the pain is still there. I didn't ever write down my feelings until my 8th grade English teacher assigned the class a project where we had to write a poem about a struggle that impacted our lives. As you probably have guessed, I wrote about my dad. It was not the best poem and as the years went by I would add more to it, pouring my heart and soul into it. I think the day I presented my terrible poem to the class was the day that I wanted to become a writer. And since then I have written more and more.

you were supposed to love me, your daughter.

the one with your blood in her veins.

but you don’t, do you?

because if you did, you wouldn’t have left.

and don’t give me that bullshit that it wasn’t your choice.

it was. you know it. I know it.

so don’t act like you left to me a better life.

you can’t make it all better by just coming into my life again.

you can’t. So stop trying.

you made your choice. to leave.

no matter what happened that day. it was your fucking choice.

to leave your SIX-YEAR-OLD daughter alone,

with just a mother to love her.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU.

you did what you did, knowing that you had a little girl at home just waiting for her daddy to get home so that she can matter to you again.

so that she becomes the most important thing to you again, but she never will. At SIX, she figured out that she’d always be second.

but she didn’t care, she just loved to hear her daddy say “I love you” even if it wasn’t true or real.

She just wanted a father to love her, like he’s supposed to, unconditionally.

no matter what she did, it never worked.

and she is just done trying to make it happen.

#poetry #daddy #daughter #leave #abandonment #alone #done