The day started out normal, I woke up, got ready for school, and left for school. It was about 7:00 when I got there: I always like being there early, so that I can talk with my underclassmen friends like Quinn or Alex. I went to class, Science then English... then Social Studies. I was halfway through Social Studies when I got called down to the office. “Lynn to the office with your belongings, please.” The entire class “oooed” and said “you’re in trouble...” Was I? I’ve been in trouble once before and I didn’t want to finish my last month of middle school with another flaw on my personal record. I grabbed my bag from the locker and made myself a sticky note to email my teachers for any homework we have the rest of the day, then headed down to the office to find my mum in a chair starring at the ground. Instantly I’m worried, “Mum, what’s wrong?” I ask, but she doesn’t answer. A few minutes later Scott- my little brother comes into the office with his things too. He looks like he just woke up, I wonder if he fell asleep in class again... honestly, that boy... Mum leads us out of the school frantic, she still won’t tell is what’s wrong and she’s starting to worry me even more now.

As soon as we get in the car mum instantly starts talking “the zombie apocalypse has started, we’re going to grandpas I called JJ and Lois and there meeting us there... we’ll stop by the house, you have 30 minutes to grab whatever can fit in the Fiat. Lynn you go to the basement and get all the coolers you can find. There should be like 4, Scotty you go to the garage and get the extra gas can thats in there. After you get that pack up anything you need. Get pillows, blankets, clothes, maybe a couple things of value. Scott no toy guns- there’s no room. Pokémon is fine. Bring puppy (his stuffed dog he’s had for most of his life). Whatever will fit in a duffel bag.”

Once we’re finally home I rush downstairs to find the coolers when I remembered Oreo, my bunny. I knew I couldn’t take her with us, that’d be too much work and she may be safe here, so I grab the giant bag of food I have for her and dumped it into her playpen. I grabbed every cooler I could find (mum was right there’s only 4) and rush upstairs to bring these to mum. I fill up a few cake pans full of water and bring them downstairs to Oreo, if I can’t bring her I want every chance of her survival possible. I remind myself to take the drain off of the house before we leave then maybe if it rains the rain will get in the basement and she’ll have some more water if she needs. Again, I rush upstairs, plug the bathtub and turn it on, this way the cats will have some water too. I even leave the toilet up so if they need... Thank God mum just bought some more cat food, I left it all out for them praying to the Lord they won’t binge eat it. Some people say animals can sense when things are wrong, I hope my pets will understand this. I take a giant bowl of cat food and another of water and put it in my hedgehog cage. Clover is the one I worry about, but am sure she’ll be fine for a while. She doesn’t eat much because she’s so small. The only problem I’ll have with her when- if- we come home is the smell.

Now that I have all the animals taken care of I sprint upstairs and pack. I have three blankets, jeans, shirts, jackets, shorts, anything for any kind of weather. Even though it’s getting pretty hot out I put on jeans, they could save me from a scratch from the... infected... I grab a few books, my softball stuff (only my bat, gloves, ball, and mask- I figured if I needed they’d come in handy), the picture frame that has a picture of Lauryn and I- she’s my best friend, and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without her. I pack my stuffed whales that Cam won me at the School Carnival, Cam... my other half, I might miss him more than Lauryn, he’s been there for me when ever I need him. With those items, I grab a few more, some toiletries, some special things to me. I even bring my phone charger and headphones, I don’t know what electricity will be like, but there’s a chance it’ll be alright. But I’m definitely going over my data limit this month...

The ride up to grandpas was quite. We only made two stops. Mum drove past the bank but there were guards standing at the entrance. I heard them say something but I’m kind of out of it so it’s just mumbling. We stop at Casey’s and mum fills up the gas tanks. I want to go inside and see if I can get more food for the family, maybe some sweets to take their mind off what’s happening, but I can’t seem to find the strength to move. Its like I’m just in this haze. Mum pays for the gas and we leave again.

While mum was outside getting gas JJ called. I couldn’t picked it up but I was too afraid of what needed to be said on the other side of the phone. But when mum listened to the voicemail and tried to call him but got no answer, I began to regret not picking up the phone. She called Lois and told her not to stop unless she needed to... I knew then it wasn’t a hoax. I began to pray.

I hadn’t stopped praying ten or so minutes later when I heard a child crying. I looked up and saw a little blonde haired girl literally running for her life and without any thought of the risk I yelled “Mum, they’re chasing the baby!” She runs the “creatures” over jumps out of the car and rushes over to the child. Next thing I know I have a crying four year old on my lap. I attempt to calm her but mum is freaking out asking her “did they touch you?” She shakily replied “No. once I heard mommy scream I hid under the bed.” And continues crying in my arm. I let her cry, I burry my head in her shoulder and let myself cry too. What if those things were her parents? What if they ate her parents? This little child is now an orphan because of this outbreak. And then I start to think “what about Quinn, Lauryn, Cam, and all my other friends? Will I ever see them again? Will they survive this? Oh Lord please help us...” The world will never be the same now and this is my life.

I zone out everything I can, the radio, the people- the little blonde toddler (who I later found out her name was Emerson) was asleep on my shoulder, clutching me tight like she had ever since mum threw her on my lap. I focused on the trees, and before I knew it we were at Grandpas.

We unloaded everything into root cellar- mum felt like it was safer in here than the house. Once we got everything in the cellar, we ate sandwiches with the bread and meat my mum packed. The girl still clung to me. I tried to get her to to eat, and she ate a bit but not much. JJ makes us all agree that if we become infected we’ll kill each other before we become one of them- if this is how the worlds going to be from now on, I want them to just kill me now. I dont that aloud though, it’d break everyone’s heart to hear me say that.

Tonight we will sleep in shifts. I don’t understand how anyone could sleep after today. I try to sleep but I can’t, so I pull out my phone and I know this wont work but I’m going to try. I pull up iMessages and open Cam’s and I private text, and I write out how I actually feel about him. I tell him what I need to tell him, I promise him I’ll see him again one way or another. I tell him I love him and I press send, I hope it gets to him but who knows. I lay my head down in my pillow to muffle my cries as I try to sleep.

Nothing that had happened before today matters anymore. This is day one of our new reality. I have only one purpose, to get my children somewhere safe.

I thought it was a hoax at first, of course. Fighting zombies has been a favourite game for my kids to play online for years. Now president Trump is on Fox News telling everyone they are real. Outbreaks in all 50 states, though mostly on the coasts and highly populated areas. I checked the local channels and they were reporting cases here in Grand Island. Scenes of dead people, literally eating people alive.

Still not believing it was true, I grabbed my purse and left work without a word to anyone. My only thought was to get to the school and pick up my youngest kids. During the 20 minute drive to our small hometown, I called my husband but the call went to voicemail. I called my oldest 2 and thank God, they both answered. JJ didn't believe me. I told him to turn on the TV, but to start packing all the canned food he had into his car . "Do not to leave your apartment without your gun!" Again mentally thanking God, this time for giving my son a love of guns. After a couple minutes of watching the news reports, he believed me and was willing to listen.

"Pack all your guns and ammo, all the food and bottled water you have, an axe or gas can if you have them.""Clothes and blankets too, but be out of there 30 minutes even if you have to leave things behind"

"But Mom, what if this isn't real?" He asked me.

"Then we have a mini vacation and feel a little stupid" I told him " now head to Grandpa's in the hills and don't stop for gas until you get to St Paul, too many people already infected where you are."

"Ok Mom"

" I love you little boy, see you there tonight, whatever it takes get yourself there"

The call to Lois was similar though she had all ready heard and was headed to get my granddaughter from school, she didn't own a gun but told me she had a baseball bat with her and that nothing was standing in her way of getting to her daughter.

Another call to my husband Joe with only voicemail, I didn't tell him where we were going only said I loved him. What if those monsters still had intelligence? What if he was infected? What if he would hunt us down?

I was surprised that there weren't more parents at the school, only a handful of cars in the circle drive. I slipped my .38 from my glove box, to my jacket pocket, before I walked to the office. There was looks of confusion on everyone's faces, but no issue was made when I asked for them to call both of my kids out of their classes. I think I held my breath as I waited. Lynn was the first to sign out and then a full 3 minutes later Scott. They were both looked scared, " we will talk in the car" I told them, s we rushed out of the school.

I explained what was happening as best I could, on the short drive to our house. I sent Scott to the garage for the gas can and Lynn to the basement for the coolers I grabbed all of the cash I had, about 600 dollars, that I had been saving for our vacation later this year. Once we had everything we felt was essential and would fit in our little car, we left our home, hoping to be able to return someday.

I went to the bank, planning to withdraw all of my savings. There were 2 armed guards at the door, threatening to shoot anyone who came close. "I guess the bank is closed today" I thought sarcastically.

We drove to the Casey's on the edge of town, to fill the gas tank and the small gas can from the garage. I was almost surprised, everything looked normal there.

I was relieved that the credit card still worked, when I swiped it at the pump. I was afraid to go inside, afraid of what I might find. But we didn't have any trouble.

Back in the car I had a text from Lois that she was through Central City, and driving on highway 92 towards St Paul, so far they were safe. Then a frantic voicemail from JJ. "Mom, I just killed someone!! Something? I don't fucking know, it was human once but .... Damn! They aren't slow like on TV! It rushed at me as I was getting gas, I had my gun like you told me Mom, I shot it twice in the head before it dropped. I got gas though and I am ok, HURRY MOM!"

I called Lois and told her not to stop unless she had to, I was afraid her bat wasn't enough.

I called Joe again, voicemail again. I hung up and prayed.

I called JJ back, but no answer, I tried to stay calm, by now he would probably be in the "Polish Alps" where cell reception sucked, so I just drove faster, he asked me to hurry so that's what I would do.

The radio news on 98.1 out of lincoln was announcing the President had declared Martial Law and everyone was told to go to their homes immediately. Interstate 80 was closed both direction through Lincoln, the outbreak was bad there and they were hoping to stop the spread, " I think it's too late for that" I said out loud as we drove through the little town of Central City. There was walking dead everywhere. We turned off the main. Street and sped through town, Lynn started to scream from the passenger seat." MOM! They are chasing that baby!"

I looked to the side walk and there was a little girl about 4, running from two obviously dead people. Without thinking I turned the wheel forcing my speeding car over the curb and crashing into the creatures. Throwing the car in park, I jumped out and grabbed the child who was still screaming, tossed her on my daughters lap and put the car back in drive. We were to the edge of town when the terror hit me, "oh my fuck! What have I done?" " I have just infected us!" Lynn looked up from the little blonde girl, whom she was attempting to calm. "What are you talking about mom?"

Trying to stay calm I asked if she was hurt. Lynn asked her and she shock her little head.

"Did those things touch you? " I asked her a little too sternly, again she shook her head but began to cry. "I hid under my bed when mommy started to scream" Lynn held her tight and let her cry.

I had to drive through St Paul even though I had been warned it was infected, there wasn't another place to cross the river for 10 miles. There was already a military presence along the highway there. We watched the soldiers with automatic rifles and counted 17 bodies of things that had once been human. I wish I had a tank and machine gun. It was hard to feel very safe in my Fiat. It looked as though we made it through there just in time cause it looked like they were starting to put up road blocks. We had another 50 miles to go but we could use gravel from here.

We were starting to lose our radio reception, last thing we heard was that in the largest city's anyone outside was assumed to be infected and would be shot without warning.

We finally made it to Grandpa's and had seen no walking dead since St Paul. JJ and Lois were safely there. The old farmhouse is in a small valley out in the Sandhills. It was in a sad state of disrepair, from standing empty for 30 years. The windmill had been maintained a few years ago when there was cattle in the pasture. So we will have water. The orchard was very overgrown and tomorrow maybe we will look at the trees and see if there would be fruit. We unpacked all of our belongings into the root cellar instead of the house, somehow it seemed safer. Then we sat together and ate lunch meat sandwiches, knowing that without electricity, as soon as the little ice that was left melted it would spoil. Lois handed me a Dew, "you get the last one Mom" maybe I should have shared but I enjoyed every drop. "I guess I will be starting that diet I have been avoiding " I said trying to be light hearted.

We sat quietly, still in disbelieve. I looked around at my little family, which now included the tiny blonde girl who still clung to Lynn as though her life depended on it, and Amy, the girlfriend that I didn't know JJ had.

JJ broke the silence with "We need a plan. Those things are tortured. If I become infected someone has to kill me. I can't become one!" Remembering the pain and hunger on the faces of the Zombies I had ran over, I shivered "same here" " we have to make a pack" everyone nodded "We have to do everything we can to stay safe, but we know our souls are safe if die"

Scotty looked up with terror in his eyes "Mom! I have never been baptized! Am I safe?"

"Yes" I assured him, " But let's just do it now"

We all walked down to the small pond on the other side of the orchard. I was glad it was still spring, since it dries up and becomes just mud hole, in the summer. Tonight it was chest deep in the center. I held Scott close after he repeated those precious words " I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God" and was dunked under. His brother and sisters clapped and cheered his decision. In the midst of this horror we found a moment of joy.

Tonight we sleep in shifts, in the cellar. I hope I will sleep soon. I miss Joe. I hope there is some joy to be found in day two.

Storm clouds gather in the darkening sky.

War drums beat in the distance, calling for the storm.

The rain begins gently, softly touching my neck and shoulders,

like the intimate kisses of a lover.

The darkness deepens and the strength of the wind increases, blowing my hair into my face.

I can smell the coming storm,

the fresh wild scent makes my pulse race.

Lightening explodes in the darkness, my heart jumps. beating as after the touch of a new love, intense, exciting, and frightening.

The rain pours down upon me now, drenching me to the skin.

My mind is washed clear and my soul is refilled, by the beauty of the storm

My wet clothes hug the curves of my body, like paint.

I seek shelter in a door way.

In the crowd of people hiding from the storm, I look up and see your face.

The lightening flashes and the excitement runs to my heart.

Dear Future Self,

What I want to say to start this off is I am so proud of you... me... us. I wrote this letter a few years ago, then locked it up, never to be opened till now... so if you're reading this, it means you kept your promise of life. "8 years of pain, then 70 of happiness," as Claire would always say.

You're 19 now; an adult. A grown up, yet still a teenager. Wise, yet still youthful. Experienced, yet still Seeking Adventure. Mature, yet still blossoming into the amazing woman you've still yet to become.

I wrote this letter just because at my age now, something like this would've been lovely to have something like this to keep as a promise that somebody cares. Even if it's just your younger self. I care. So much. I know you're going to do amazing things. All you have to do is get through college. Find what your passionate about and go for it. Even if it's something crazy. Even if it leads you to clown college. I'll be happy as long as you're happy. Well I kinda have to be since we're the same person...

Here are a few things I wish I would've known at my age now, that will make things so much better:

•it's okay to fall apart- even superheroes need to cry sometime.

•don't do drugs- we're going to need that body in great shape if we're going to be a superhero and save and change peoples lives one day

•boys don't matter- it may feel like they do but they only get in the way, the only people you need is you, and Jesus.

•it's okay to wait- waiting doesn't make you a loser. It makes you whole, so you can give your whole heart to the man you love, and not just what's left of it from other guys taking a part of it with them when they leave.

•you're beautiful- no, don't go look in the mirror and wonder how I think you're beautiful, you're beautiful on the inside. Caring, compassionate, intelligent, and wise, and that makes you beautiful on the outside as well.

•make sure you love yourself before you love someone else- you will never fully love them until you're okay with yourself. Plus people don't always last forever, you will be with yourself for eternity

•don't change for anyone- you are you, one of a kind. No ones like you, why would you change to be someone else? Not only are you taking away the opportunity of being one of a kind to yourself, but also the person you're trying to be. If someone wants you to change- unless it's for the good- they're not worth having in your life anyway

Please follow those, they'll make out life better. Easy maybe... well if life can ever be easy.

I want to watch our crumbled up piece of paper that is our life unfold into a beautiful origami swan that is our future. Don't do anything you can't take back, that you'll regret. You do matter, you're the apple to somebody's eye, the yin to her yang, you're the person someone wants to wake up next to for the rest of their life. So think. Turn that beautiful brain of yours on, don't ever turn it off again, and think before doing, just like you look before crossing the road. Don't give up just yet (or ever actually) because things will get better. Life is tough my dear, but so are you. So go kick some butt. GoodLuck on our life.

-14 year old you

Please don't remember this.

This body, this face, the clothes I used to wear. That's not how I want to be remembered.

Instead, remember our memories together. Dancing in the rain, Cuddling by the fire, or Singing as loud as possible on the car ride home from Church on Sunday morning. Remember my life, my adventures, my letters I wrote.

Please don't remember my death, the journeys I could've taken if only I hadn't gone away, the letter that tried to explain why I did what I did.

Remember my smile and not the lie behind it. Remember our song, but don't think about how you'll never hear the lyrics come from my lips again. Remember the times you picked me up when I had fallen, or wiped the tears from my sobbing eyes. Do not blame yourself for any of this.

Remember only the good in me, not the slamming doors, broken promises part of me. That's not how you'll want to look back and think of me. If you want to remember me, remember the three words I told you and were true: " I love You." Remember those. But please, don't remember this.

My Happiness is the water trickling down my face as I shriek from the cold ballon you popped over my head. It's only 50°, it's raining, and I'm soaked from the water fight we're having...

My Safe Feeling is the warmth of your jacket draped over my shoulders. We're both walking home in the rain, and you're freezing but you didn't want me to get sick. The warmth is your protective arm around me always, the smell of you reminding me that everything's okay when I'm around you.

My Comfort is your arms wrapped around my body. Your embrace is my pillow and blanket, I could fall asleep in your arms. I want to fall asleep in your arms.

My love is your body. The shape that the skin and bones take. Your 206 bones forming the outline of your perfect person. You may not think you're perfect but I know you are.

My confusion is the Raspberry Iced Tea I always drink while at the movies. Holding his hand, resting my head on his shoulders, kissing his lips, but thinking, wanting, craving to hold your hand, to rest my head on your shoulder, to kiss your lips...

My regret are my lips. Saying "I love you" to him and not you. Saying "I do" to him and not you. Kissing his lips and not yours. Speaking his name and not yours.

My lost are those letters I wrote for you, confessing things to you, admitting things about myself, but I never sent them. Buried in a box under my bed, waiting for you. For your eyes. I'll never get the courage to give them to you.

Must you see something

with your eyes to know that it is real, or can you listen to the whispers of your heart, when it tells you to believe?

Have you ever been all alone and felt someone's hand touch yours?

Has the sound of a stranger's voice ever taken your mind back to a memory of a time and place, where you have never been before?

Have you ever held the hand of a friend, in great pain, wished that pain into your own body and felt it come?

Can you see me when I will myself into your dreams?

Is your heart like mine?

When you look up into the night's sky, can you see the wolf in the moon?

The wolf all alone, howling out a cry for his mates return.

Are the lights in the dark sky, just stars, created for our delight?

Can't you see that they are lanterns, of hope, from far off worlds?

When the wind blows in your face, can you feel his fingers, playfully tossing your hair and tugging at your clothes, begging you to join his game?

When that wind has whipped the clouds into rows of tight round balls, can you see the under scales of a dragon?

A dragon lost from her world of magic, flying low over our world, in search of escape.

Can you tell that the trees standing beside your gate are sentinels, dutifully guarding your path, keeping you safe?

When you see two trees growing together in a meadow, do you imagine the dance of two lovers?

Lovers with their bodies intertwining, becoming one.

Can you smell the sunshine?

Is your heart like mine?

Have you ever been so alone that you were sure tomorrow would never come?

Have you ever been so busy that suddenly yesterday is last year?

Does the sound of a baby crying make you pray for peace?

Peace for all the babies, everywhere.

Have you ever loved so deeply you felt as though you could fly?

Have you ever lost so much you were sure that you could not take another breath?

Can you look into your lover's eyes and see her soul, or is her beauty all that you can see?

Have you ever broken someones heart and felt your own heart bleed?

Can you hear my voice in these words?

Is your heart like mine ?

Long ago and far from here we were together. Born of the same mother. We held each others hand as we passed through life. Together we played in the sun and the sand. We watched each other grow and change. Your family was mine and mine was yours. Into old age we passed, brother and sister. Hand in hand until my last breath.

In another place and time, we met again. In our youth we were lovers. We shared passion and lust. We held each other's bodies close. Time passed and together we raised our children. With graying hair and dulling eyes, we watched our grandchildren grow. Though our bodies aged, our passion for each other stayed strong. We faced old age together, hand in hand, heart by heart. Death came to you first, I held you but still you slipped away from me. I longed for you desperately. I mourned, until death came for me also.

Again I was brought into this world and our souls were separated. I was born and you were not there. I was alone, without you, in my childhood. My soul longed for you. I searched for you, but could not find you. I met another whose love for me was strong. Our love grew, but still I did not feel complete. Then your soul was returned to mine as you were born to me. My child, my son. I held your hand and led you through your childhood. You held my hand as I passed once more from this world.

In this time, my soul was lost. I was so alone. Where were you? In my childhood, I was given brothers, but you were not one. I met my mate, but still my soul ached for you. My children were born, and with each one I expected you, but you did not come. Until one day, your words came across my screen. With your “HELLO”my soul was complete again.

Today was our company picnic at The Magic Bathtub. Can you picture it , 12 strippers at a Cubs game, with giant foam fingers sitting with an old fat man wearing a dinosaur print shirt?

We're having a great time, when some guy jumps up in front of us, catches a fly ball, and face plants right in my cleavage! Would you believe ? It's Morgan Freeman!

Death you are my secret wish.

You came and took away my heart.

Now I can long only to come to you.

I chose to love life,

but she is an unfaithful love.

She torments me at every turn, for she knows that I must cling to her.

I may not court you openly,

I can only wait patiently for you to notice me.

Life gave me a Love,

who swore to hold me into the gray.

She then turned his eyes to another,

and left my wounded heart to bleed.

Life brought me friends,

to share my trek upon her road.

She handed them the stones,

with which they crushed my battered heart.

Life gave me a son,

his green eyes shone full of her light.

Then she stole him from my arms, and gave him to you, Death.

So now I walk on my journey,

with only the beat left of my heart. For my heart is with you,

it is you Death that I travel to meet.