The Letter

“Here, this is for you Miss”, the postman had said, smiling at her in his usual almost overly friendly smile which always felt a bit cheeky and irksome at the same time. He had moved on towards the next house right away, simply waving a quick goodbye to her over his shoulder, and as sudden as he had arrived - as if out of nothing - he was also gone again.

She was still standing there. She was holding the letter in her hands with a strange sensation. Cold shivers of foreboding were running up and down her spine. How did he dare write to her? Did he really need to remind her of all that had happened? She had tried to forget his name, his very existence even. She had more or less successfully blocked him out of her life for almost 10 years now. 

“So how dare he write to her now?!”

She felt hot anger rise up inside of her. 

No matter how hard she tried, she could not push it back.

“Oh, the cake!”

She was cruelly torn out of her pondering when she suddenly remembered that the oven had beeped just before the postman had interrupted her afternoon. It seemed as if half an eternity had gone by since - that is how far away she felt. Did the past always have to catch up with her in the present? Oh, how she had hoped to have shaken it all off for good...

“What’s the matter with you today? Are you ok?”, her husband asked when he got home a few hours later, unconsciously interrupting her unending flood of thoughts and emotions. “Yes, yes, I am fine.” She blushed and stood up a little bit too quickly for her liking, while all the while feeling the crumbled-up envelope in her right pocket, burning on her leg as if it was a piece of hot coal. She had still not dared to open it.

- “Come here, darling. Tell me, what...”

- “Oh! Just a second, honey.”

At that very moment she had heard her phone beep and almost gratefully ran off to find it. But the moment she touched it she pulled back her hand as if it she had seen a ghost. 

What if it was him texting her? Would he dare do that? Was he going to persecute her now and bomb her with messages and uninvited (unwanted!) signs of life?

Finally, she quickly grabbed her phone and slipped it into her pocket where the crumbled-up envelope was already hidden, out of her sight. Just not to think of it. I need to do something to just not think of it. Just forget. What use would it be to bring it all up again now. How stupid!

The sound of her loving husband's voice came to her ear as if from another galaxy, through a thick wall of fog: “Honey, where are you? Where did you put my ipad? Did you put it on the charger? By the way, what’s that smell? Did you burn something today? ...”

She stood there, silent, trying to take a deep breath. Oh how much this man loved her! She felt so ashamed. She did not deserve to be loved so deeply. How could he possibly care about her so much while she felt so shabby and uncertain, not knowing if she could even still feel anything at all? Her heart felt heavy, like a big stone.

She heard her husband go to the bathroom and soon afterwards the water was running in the shower. She decided to call her mum to get these thoughts out of her mind and go back to normal. I somehow need to pull myself together!

“Hi. What’s the matter? I really don’t have time at the moment, we are about to go shopping and then I have to cook because we have guests for dinner tonight... We can talk tomorrow. Bye!”

She hadn’t even been able to put in a single word and her mum had already hung up. Argh, she’s so terrible, she thought, feeling even more anger arise inside of her. She’s never got time. She’s always busy. She’s never there, not even when I need her most!

Where to go with her thoughts? Should she tell her husband? She really didn’t want to bother him with all that. He had enough to deal with as things were, he was going through a really busy and stressful stretch at work.

Why did that have to happen now?

Now of all times it was the most inconvenient moment. They were both busy and felt stressed and burnt out as things were. The next holidays were still far away and they hadn’t even been able to plan them...

All of a sudden she was again distracted involuntarily from her thoughts by a loud noise coming from the bathroom upstairs. She dropped everything and ran up to the bathroom to see if her husband was alright. 

- “Oh darling, I’m so sorry, I slipped in the shower and dropped and broke the blue candleholder. I know you love this candleholder. I’ll buy a new one for you as soon as I can, I promise!”

- “Oh, never mind sweetie. It’s alright. It’s only a candleholder. Are you ok?”

- “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry... Are you sure you don’t mind? Didn’t you keep that for memory’s sake? I know you loved it...”

Why was he doing that? It was as if a knife was being turned and turned and turned around in her heart today. Did all that truly have to happen all at once and at the same time? It seemed as if there was a conspiration against her. She tried to stay calm and shake it off.

Why...?

She felt her husband’s arms around her. He was hugging her tightly and giving her a big kiss on her neck. 

- “Have I told you today how much I love you?”, he said. “You are so beautiful my darling.”

- “I love you, too.”

She blushed and smiled and looked at him tenderly.

He always managed to make her smile, even on a hard day!

Then the home phone rang. Her husband went to answer it.

“It’s for you honey”, he said, after listening for half a minute. He put the phone to her ear and used the moment to pull her close again and tease her with little kisses on her nose.

“Hi beauty, I need your help”, a familiar voice said at the other end. She didn’t have time to reply. The voice kept talking: “I lost my letters! I had them in the purple wardrobe behind my books, I know that for sure! And they are not there!! Can you imagine? I wanted to reread his last letter because I suddenly remembered that I haven’t replied to his letter yet and now it's not there. None of them is. Where can I possibly have put them? Do you have an idea? They were there still only a few days ago and I could swear that I put them there after having them out for a moment to add the latest one but they are not there. I have emptied out the whole shelf – nothing! Do you think someone took them? If so, who could have done that? Do you think Lara would do such a thing? Impossible!! She would not possibly dare do that, would she? That is unimaginable! But who else? Please, you do have to come over and help me find them, will you? I know I can count on you, you are my best friend! Oh please, do come quickly! I need you here. Will you be on your way? (...)”

That’s the last thing I want to do now, she thought, sighing, but she grabbed her winter coat nevertheless. “I’ll be back in half an hour”, she said, kissing her husband on his cheek - “if not, call me and tell me that you need me urgently. Looks like Clarissa has got a bad emergency and is close to a nervous breakdown. I hope you don't mind. I’ll be right back! I love you!”

And with that she was out of the door.

To breathe.

After all, any distraction was good today. Even that one. Even looking after an outrageously selfish person who for some reason had chosen her as her “best friend”. Just not to think of what was plaguing her so badly. Strange, how this “friend” didn’t even know her, she didn’t have a clue about what was going on inside of her heart at all... Not even the faintest idea...

It was freezing cold outside and the wet autumn wind came to her in a bit of a shock. But what startled her even more was that weird person starting to run - away from her? - the very moment he or she noticed her approaching as she was turning around the corner. Why was this man (or woman?) so afraid?

She followed him (her?) with her eyes, wondering. She (or was it a he after all?) had just disappeared around a corner when she suddenly noticed a big lurky something in the dark corner of the garage entrance. This object had not been there before. What was it? Should she go and check it out or call her husband? She couldn’t identify its shape. It seemed to be a bag of some sort. A bit like the one the fake Santa Claus had carried around at school to hand out apples and chocolate to the students together with his little helpers the other day. Yes, it seemed indeed to be a similar type of bag filled with... - she had no clue with what. There were lots of strange bumps in it. What could it be?

“Yeees?” Her husband said, when she called him a few instants later while she was still looking at the bag, scrutinizing it closely.

“Could you come down quickly and bring a torch, please”, she said and hung up.

He was there in no time. He smiled when he saw her standing there but frowned when he then noticed this unfamiliar stare in her face. He switched on the torch on his phone, illuminating the bag in bright light. “Has Santa Claus brought you a bag of goodies?", he joked. “That means you must have been a good girl this year! Or maybe he picked the wrong house?”

They opened the string carefully and then both their hearts missed a beat when they realized that they had a bag full of bank notes in front of them.

“But, but...” she stammered.

“We should call the police”, her husband said. He switched off the light and dialed the number.

She couldn’t move.

Who had placed that there? Who was the strange person that had run away when she had approached? Where did all that money come from?