The Wait
There is no more hot water
and the front porch step is dry
with flies. The dog died
eight months ago and sometimes
we still hear her little feet
or find her teeth in our dreams,
which are heavy with heat.
We don’t know what we’re waiting for.
Not rain. Not thunder.
Just something that shakes us
enough to wake us up.
Until then, we will stick our heads
in the fridge to feel cool.
Until then, the mailbox spiders
will hold us hostage.
m a s q u e r a d e
they ask me in their well-conditioned voices, are you okay? and i don’t know
why but for some reason i feel compelled to reply yes, i promise every time. i think
it’s because no one actually cares as much as they pretend. and i don’t know what i would say if they did. because i haven’t felt okay in a while
honestly, i’m not sure i’ve felt
anything in a while
s e c r e t / a d m i r i r
dance like no one is watching
except you know that
he is
he
always
is
even when you think you’re alone,
you’re not.
even when you wish you were alone,
you’re not.
he always watches you from the window
maybe you silently like the attention,
the affection that no one
has ever given you before.
the admiration that you
crave after being without
for so long.
and despite your insistence on him stopping,
you’ve never closed the blinds.
highlight painted on her cheeks
everyone is holding cups filled with a mix
of a thousand types of alcohol
and my friends come up to me,
but i don’t know what to say
because all i’m thinking about is
how gorgeous she is and i can’t stop myself
from stealing forbidden glances at
her because god, her smile is something else
the way her wavy bobbed hair dances in the evening breeze is
something else
she calls me over and i think
i amost faint
at the sound of her voice
because despite being friends for a year,
today it hit me like those first highs
today i stop ignoring feelings for someone
who’s not a boy
even though the world doesn’t know yet,
today i know
What You Stole From Me
I remember our skin pressed together hot at seventeen. I remember long nights in your basement room. Lazy days in my bed behind a locked door. I remember the sun bringing your freckles out to play and toasting my skin to your favorite shade of me. I remember your fingers creeping inside of me playful on train rides to the city. Your mouth sleepy on my own and your arms pulling me into the cradle of dreams. And I remember waking from the dream in a desperate fever. Dead phone lines. Unanswered letters. Lonely sheets. And bruised love thrown to its knees. The floor its only brace. The snow drifting in as summer disappeared.
What If
What if
You let me in
Let me rush right through the door
Into your world of shadows
Would my divine light shine too bright
Would it hurt your twilight eyes
What if
Your heart softens
The honey from my kiss
Pours straight down your throat
Coating your bitterness in a sweet liquid
Would it be too much
Would you choke
What if
You gripped my heart and shook my
Monotone world to the core
Giving me the adventure I crave
And the peace you are desperate for
Your eyes reflecting the stars in mine
What if
You realized
That I asked for this
That I have been standing
Devotedly outside your door for a lifetime
Knuckles bleeding crimson from the bleeding
What if
You gave in
You stopped punishing yourself
Your warrior heart lit aflame
You knocked the door to the ground
And took me in your arms
What if
You accepted this love