This is a far cry for attention… it’s the opposite in fact. In five years, I’ve lost my father-in-law. I watched my best friend seize to death on life support for six days. The next year I watch my Gram die from being tortured by sickness & cancer. Eight months later, three days before my birthday, my mother is found dead at only 51 years old.

I need to experience the feeling of being lost, physically… rather than mentally. Please, just understand that I need a break. I need silence, rather than chaos. I need to feel the calm of shade, given by trees and not people, so to speak. I need to figure out who I am. To sit and type all day, emptying my mind of the tornado of thoughts, always spinning.

I understand that you may not understand, just know that this is something I need To do.

amandabjaworski in Micropoetry

11 reads

Venom

Venom by words.

Venom by actions, as it’s coursing through vains, building reactions.

Venom by looks.

Venom by spite, all that you spew is stuck between a sense of fight or flight.

Venom by anger

Venom by pity, ultimately creating overwhelming negativity.

Venom by doubt,

Venom by hate, a life that you wasted and cannot be erased.

Challenge

I Wasn't Always This Way...

Tell me, are villains born, created, or somewhere in between? Explore the origin story of your villain and how he/she comes to be. All styles are welcome and unique twists are always fun to read so be creative! Please tag me in the comments. Happy Writing.

amandabjaworski

30 reads

Villians Aren’t Born, but Monsters exist

Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t always this way.

Environmental factors froze my heart into place—

my demeanor turned cold with the likes of another ice age.

Eventually all slowly melted, never revealing to be the same.

For this world‘s devilish antics & violence, turned my views into fire & my eyes filled of rage.

Not a single infant, then turned child ever knows the feeling of hate.

Not until they’re pushed around, berated & blamed.

That’s when it happened, too many times I seen blood shed & no shame.

Similar to an hourglass, my innocence, my trust, that love—

fell like grains of sand, over & over with lack of escape.

Villians aren’t born, but monsters exist.

Turning the softest of souls into the harder of stones—

quickly to throw right into glass homes, so you bare the guilt and not them.

Looking back, it’s not hard to see why I am, how I am.

Challenge

Challenge of the Month XXXIX

Write a short poem about your own private Hell. The tortured who reigns gets 100 big ones. Winner will be picked by Prose. Go.

amandabjaworski

24 reads

A Prisoner of My Own Mind

In the hands of abuse,

chained to a lifetime of suffering.

For you to feel power & a temporary ego boost.

Imprisoned in what is now my private fucking hell—

each brick you used, my pain produced.

The horrid things that you did, left me forever changed & bruised.

There’s no breaking away when my mind is a prison, no matter how many screws I loose.

Fallen to the ground, begging the devil, god—

I don’t care who, praying & crying for karma to hand you a personal noose.

Flashbacks of your actions that I drown in—

of the physical, sexual, emotional, & mental abuse.

I would sell my damn soul just to have this torture taken from me & given to you.

amandabjaworski in Poetry & Free Verse

9 reads

Over Time

They say it’s best to speak what’s on your mind.

I must say that I agree, hearts break the worse in the most silent of times.

The eyes are the windows to our soul—

a glimpse of feelings, so hidden & untold.

A bond so close, the thought of it’s loss is why it‘s protected at all costs & enclosed.

Those boxes & containers that hold what we don’t want damaged the most—

always get weathered & erode.

That’s where the problem lies, just like stored away things, feelings eventually become exposed.

Two fools who don’t realize they did the opposite of what their minds promised their hearts, over time.

Challenge

Your Publishing Experience

What have you tried personally? Include any form of self-publishing well as experiences with literary agents and traditional book, magazine, literary journals, local and special interest press publishing. What have knowledge can you share?

amandabjaworski in Nonfiction

33 reads

Self-published

There are so many routes to take, which I never knew about, until getting serious about writing a book. As of now, I have been a self-published author (since 2020). I have queried traditional publishers, but grew impatient and decided to try this route. Today I know it does take some time when taking the traditional route of publishing, into consideration. Before choosing, I did extensive research. I read hundreds of articles and I even joined Facebook groups, so I can interact with people who have self-published.

The self-publishing journey was an educating experience. It has to be educational because you are relying on yourself to know what step needs to be taken. Through my journey, I learned the most vital part of self-publishing is hiring an editor in my opinion. When you self-publish, you are using your money to get this process completed and it seems like many wrote a book and self-published without any professionals behind them, which is their choice when it comes to where they want to put their money. Some authors feel that the money is best spent on a graphic designer, it’s all based on yourself. I am a graphic designer, which was an area I didn’t have to spend money

The best thing to do is share, share and share about your book! I have been on radio stations and tv news interviews. I have contacted libraries who met with me or spoke to me via telephone, who agreed to carry my book. I have held fundraisers for battered woman centers (due to the related subject matter of said book). I am even contracted with certain stores in my area who sell my book. I learned to get use to talking about myself and the book because once I took a break due to multiple losses of loved ones in a short time, I noticed the difference in sales and interest. I learned to have more self-esteem through all of this. If I can’t speak good about myself and what I have done, who will? I often worried about sounding self-absorbed, but this has painted such a beautiful picture of me to myself, one I never knew existed. This self-published experience has helped me realize that I do have a fire inside of me.

You have to work hard when you self-publish and I really do think it was in my best interest to learn about it. At the present time I would love to try the traditional route. Of course, I now know that many great authors have been denied many times before being chosen and their work being believed in. I would love to see the best of both worlds.