this illness

has defined me

for so long,

i'm not sure

i remember

how to live.

the world falls apart

beneath your grip

dust

between

your fingers

and she dropped it in the fires

of fury and pain

the petals once red and true

are now black at the edges as they

f a

l

l

off

into the flames

which lick the colours

and burn it

to ashes

love is dead.

Depression...

Something we all feel after a loss or some sort of abuse. An enhanced sort of sandness that gets to you in the darkest of times. Something that can lead to someone becomeing suicidal. Something that lead to not eating, self doubt, loss of sleep, isolation. It leaves people thinking... “Where’s the light? My light...”

Well... there’s a simple answer to such a simple question...

Everywhere...

It’s in you, the people you love. Your family. Mother. Father. Sisters. Brothers. Cosins. Aunts. Uncles. Nieces. Nefews. Sons. Daughters. Your best friends! The people that care about you and that you care about.

The poeple that you love with all of your heart,

Who love

y-o-u

There’s always a light in the Darkness...

- Red

keep on trying

dont give up

you were always persistent

you were always enough

but now something happened

and now you have crashed

with this self induced downfall

your hopes have been dashed

this is my plentitude

this is my joy

this is deficiency

my need to destroy

my heart is in peices

my soul on the floor

it’s battered and bashed

and yet it wants more

my personal plethora

of bad and the good

if I was to explain it

I don’t think I could

this weight on my chest

was put there by me

the weight of only absence

the weight of being free

this abundance of bounds

and the weight of this chain

keeps spiraling downwards

I imagine this pain.

this girl is a waste.

she deserves so much less

there is some who can love you

but not make a mess

if I could give you my happy

your sad I would steal

to see that smile on your face

finally be real.

Sprinkling starlight on

the seafoam frosting

at the edge of the

unknown ocean

And watching it

sink with a sparkle

beneath the glaze

of the gleaming waves

Letting my feet sink

into the spongey sand as

my toes touch the

water baked in moonlight

Never forgetting the

taste of that syrup

sweet sunset across

those delicious waters

I once made my teacher cry.

The teacher was the kind

Of person

You cannot help but give your respect.

A great man,

He was.

He taught me things

I will never forget.

He taught me more about the world

In two years,

Than anyone else could teach

In a lifetime.

Junior high debate.

Eighth and ninth grade.

Years I will never forget.

His classes had a tendency to be

Filled

With painful honesty.

In his classes,

Each person dug deep

To share the worst

And best part of themselves.

He taught more morals and ethics

Than any religion ever could.

And everything he taught

Was unbiased.

But I remember clearly

The important parts of a

Heavy conversation

That made a great man cry.

He talked about how

His father had always wanted him

To be a doctor.

He talked about how

His father never would have approved

Of him being a teacher.

To me,

It was unfathomable,

That there could possibly be

A better place for this man

To be.

He was changing lives.

This amazing man

Was changing the world,

By broadening the minds

Values

And character

Of the young.

And I remember

How sad he sounded,

To not be able to meet

His father's expectations.

So,

I looked this great man in the eyes,

And I said,

"But you are a doctor.

A doctor of learning."

And his eyes filled with tears.

I had not meant it to be profound,

But it was that way.

And maybe,

I hadn't put a lot of thought

Into these words.

But I could tell,

That those were words he needed to hear.

"Thank you."

He said.

The entire class was silent.

I think

Everyone

Was crying.

And he thanked me again.

It was on this day

That I learned

How it felt to change a life.

That's why he does it.

He gave up so many oppurtunities

To teach chuldren.

And I can understand why.

Words.

The simplest ones,

Can have so much power.

So much power.

They can rip a person apart,

Or they can change a person's life.

Profound.

Such small things.

With such great power.

Words are profound,

And can be used

For profound perposes.

As a great man always said,

"Pay attention to the details."

Words

Have an effect

On people.

You need only look

To see the profoudness

Of them.

Desperate again,

To earn money.

Another payment soon.

I have some jobs lined up.

I can only hope it will be enough.

I tried to get an actual job,

So I might be able to cover future costs,

With less panic.

But I guess,

Every place I have checked so far,

Knows what they are looking for,

And I’m not it.

I guess,

I will try the job I always known,

I could get.

Not exactly a high class establishment,

But I suppose it’ll do.

Panicking about a payment.

I sound like a druggy.

I promise I’m not.

Honestly,

I have no idea why I post everything I do,

Most of it is pretty random.

I guess I have to put my thoughts somewhere.

And,

Well,

I’ll write them out anyway.

Why not post them,

I guess?

It isn’t really like I have much to hide.

Little in my mind,

That I wouldn’t share.

It’s whatever.

No one has to read my ramblings.

People do,

Sometimes,

But no one has to.

I should do something productive.

Like Nanowrimo,

Or more homework.

I think,

Though,

That I’d rather eat a snack.