promise
promise me kind,
promise me gentle,
promise me spring after the winter
promise me hurt,
promise me anger,
promise me spring after the winter
promise me strangers and one night stands,
promise me love that never ends
promise me spring after the winter
promise me life as it is,
promise me laughter and tears,
promise me spring after this winter
please
The Coronation Day
The sun is high in the sky when prince Jonathan steps out onto the balcony overlooking the town square. All eyes are upon him immediately and the young royal fails not to squirm under the attention. Thankfully no one notices, his robes are oversized enough to hide his movements, but no one would dare to mention it even if they did notice.
The queen steps out right after him and the crowd bursts into cheers. She’s dressed in black in honor of her late husband, just as some of the royal guards standing on the sides of the crowd. The people aren’t wearing black though. Their mourning period is over and now it’s time to celebrate the new king, by dressing in their best clothes.
Looking down at them, the queen wants to scoff. She wouldn’t touch “their best” with a ten foot pole.
“Good afternoon, everyone!” The royal advisor steps forward. “We are gathered here today for the coronation of our new king, Jonathan I.”
Another wave of cheers starts. A man from the crowd whistles and a shorter man standing next to him shoves him, barely making him budge, before joining in. A few people look at them disapprovingly but no one says anything. No one dares to make a scene.
Prince Jonathan launches into a practiced speech, promising to be a good king and treat his subjects fairly. The short man from the crowd rolls his eyes and as he turns his head, he meets the gaze of a farmer’s son. His shoulders are wide, his only good shirt stretched tight over the muscle on his arms, but he only smirks and nods.
The short man nods back and when his taller friend notices the interaction, he too looks out into the crowd, only to find a pair of eyes already looking back. The servant girl, wearing her mother's dress that hang on her small frame unflatteringly, gives him a smile and a nod of her own.
More looks are exchanged between all four of them, when a stone rolls on the ground between the short man’s legs. He turns around in the direction it came from and locks eyes with another young man. He too nods.
“Lastly, I want to say that prior to tonight, I have read my father’s coronation speech, as it is the only one I wasn’t present for,”prince Jonathan continues talking as some of the noblemen snicker. “And I would like to promise you one thing he never did. I promise to be kind.”
As prince Jonathan steps away from the microphone and the crowd erupts into cheers, the short man looks away from his friends and locks eyes with one of the guards. Both of them freeze for a moment, their time slowing down in the middle of the celebration, but then the guard wordlessly pushes his shoulders back and looks up to watch the coronation.
The short man nods to himself and pushes his hand into his pocket. His fingers wrap around the grip of the pistol.
As the crowd calms down, the royal advisor steps forward again, this time holding a crown. Silence falls over the town square and prince Jonathan stands tall as the golden jewel is set into his hair. The advisor leans into the microphone and says, “Bow before your new king.”
The crowd moves like one body, dropping to the ground, when a gunshot rings out across the town square.
Gasps can be heard from every direction as the new king, just like his people, falls to his knees.
Want it.
It’s not a question of whether you want it. It’s a question of whether you want it bad enough for a failed try to be worth it. And if the answer is yes then you have my full permission to push the pedal through the floor are run head first into that wall. Maybe you'll make it. Maybe you'll come out on the other side victorious. Or maybe you'll crash into it and end up in the hospital. But it will have been worth it.
Survive it
The thing about healing is that it's not just going to suddenly get better. Some days you'll feel fine and some days you wake up already feeling like shit before you even open your eyes. Some days you'll be able to smile through the pain and some days you'll cry into your pillow wishing for it all to be over.
Healing takes time. It's the dumbest cliche of them all, but it's the only thing you have. Time. You can keep trying, no, you have to keep trying to make it better, to find things that will make you feel better. They're there, I promise. You'll laugh again, you'll love again, you'll love living again. And some days you'll come back home and crash and break and cry again, because that's how it works. That's how the pain works.
You are hurting and that is alright. You have to learn to live with the pain and you have to learn to survive it. And you will survive it.