You are not the one for whom I long

Wild goose, whose strange cries resound.

Deep in the mountains I lie awake

As bamboo leaves rustle, an eerie sound

I dream of my loved one far away

Whom I left behind, no peace to be found.

If I could find peace in these hours

No more attachment to this plane

I could rest, and wander no more

Through hills and fields with longing’s pain.

I let go these thoughts and the autumn

I hold them up and release them high

And watch them drift like fading leaves

Among the clouds, the frozen sky.

The dew on branch tips slowly drains

From branch to trunk to deep-drunk roots

So we delay our great demise

Hanging to this world like cliff-snagged shoots.

My end, and that of autumn, is at hand

I thought the shallow blue-shimmering sky

Reached out to me as hazy fields at dawn

Crept in my soul like the wild goose’s cry.

This was not the end of who we were

Or the birth of who we would become

It was change

Unification

But also revelation

The foreign fire diminished

Skin to human skin

And breath by breath we built civilization

Raised monuments and industry and kings

And tore them down

Dust to dust

And the wilderness was gone

The demon tamed

The otherworldly bridled

A voice cried out in the wilderness

And all it said was LOVE

A fox with smiling eyes at dusk

Follows me with pleasure in his stride;

I try to see beyond the furry husk

And catch a glimmer of the man inside

As he lopes, mouse in mouth, along with me

Hands rendered thumbless by a moony tide.

Yet, when he is a man, and I can see

That wild grace still captured in his eyes,

Somehow the change diminishes the glee:

His smile human, but I recognize

A lust for freedom from all ties and plans.

Although I love him in whichever guise,

I miss the man when he's a fox again.

And I also miss the fox when he's a man.

A liquid fire burns itself across the water

Black depths like tunnels to your secrets

And all the misery and joy encompassed in glorious symmetry

Ah! The lake so cold and crystal clear

Rippled layers of blue upon green upon blue

Shimmering in the laughing beams of the sun…

Egrets and regrets dance across the surface

Casting ripples of sweet solitude

An oasis in a desert of morality

A mirage reflected over on itself.

And as waves of longing lap against the shore

All trepidation is cast aside

And ethics are subject to scrutiny

As I lose myself deeper in your eyes.

We stood there in silent times

Looking out over the water

And something sparked our souls

Peace for that hour filled the gaps between our toes

And painted the sand in myriad hues.

If we had heard the dark recesses cry out

Or felt the storm close in with black designs

Would it have glued us there

Or thrown us down in tears

Lapping at our fragile dusk like waves?

But for the hour of our awakening

We paid our sinister hearts no heed

Just held the moment close and parted ways

Not dreaming it would be forever.

The darkness laughed at our innocent folly

And I was gone with the morning

Leaving you alone with your pain

Leaving the shore alone with the memory.

The demon in my nightmares has returned

And I am at a loss to bid him leave.

For though I have thrice his advances spurned

Thrice more I have been given cause to grieve.

My rent heart renders moist temerity

As I am bound to him as shirt to sleeve:

But break my bonds with sweet sincerity-

For I would be yours would you would be kind.

Accost him with storm-sea severity

Beat back all doubt and darkness from my mind

And rewrite my life with more gleeful tales

So we can live a future truth-divined;

For only you can triumph where trust fails

And even demons flee when love prevails.

Time breeds corrupting time

And in her sweaty hands

The enemy's offspring dark dankly nest

The hollow vessels bleed

But darkness never dies

The clock turns back inside each human chest

Awake the slumbering warriors of old

Break bare the stony souls immortal born

Strike the great Bell with an appealing peal

Uphold the mantle of the Fivefold Thorn

Into the plunging depths

We cry for an escape

The candle flame grows dim but does not break

Forsake the clinging hands

That bind us to our fate

The dawn grows near and so we must awake

You are sitting on your icy floor

An empty vessel missing your substance

As if I put a crack in you

And your sacred spark is melting away.

The mysteries of your innocence

Fade like October flowers

Into cold winter nights.

But somehow you are more alive than before.

Your smile holds a deeper meaning now

As if this metamorphosis is blessed

In greater depth a greater life is found.

You have lost your past but claimed yourself

And given me this you in sacrifice

As I have given you my everything.

We are fading, you and I:

The gilt edge of that wordless “us”

Peels back like rotting snake-skin,

Dissolves – and beneath?

Beneath I finally see your fear,

That breathless cancer of your doubt

Which feeds upon your faithless mind,

Rending your aspirations silently

Like wingless summer flies.

Yes, we are fading, but we must,

Because to fade is sweeter than to die.

Remember me, this cold Spring, and this “us”;

Never regret, though all our daydreams end.

Never return. And never comprehend.

I need to say some things

But words only lead to thoughts

And nothing comes of them.

I need to say some things

But my lips are rough and chapped

I cannot risk them breaking.

I need to say some things

But my throat is dry from effort

And my voice is harsh and croaking.

I need to say some things

But my fear grips me with talons

That tear into my arms.

I need to say some things

But your smile breaks my will

I cannot tell you the truth

So I stand where trees once grew

And watch you drive away.

Forgive me.