(This is LGTBQ+ so no hate please.)

Thursday night was laundry night. Bad luck for me. I missed it. Which meant I had to find somewhere outside the college campus to wash my laundry. The other bad news... I don't know how to do laundry. Yea, yea sue me. I was pampered growing up and my roommate always happily took mine down for me. With a little cash persuasion, but my roommate is at his parents for the week and I had forgotten about laundry day.

When I had realized what day it was I ran out of work and to my dorm. I grabbed my laundry bag and took it down. Not to my surprise, the free laundry mat in the college was closed, and I was clothes-less.

Walking back I was debating on what to do. I didn't have any classes on Friday so I was just gonna muster up some money and go down to the laundry mat in town.

The next day I was doing just that, but definitely not happily. I had to lug a bag of dirty clothes down to the bus stop. To prove the stereotype for guys, my clothes did not smell good.

When I made it down there was only one other person in there. He looked about my age with ash blonde hair. He was tall and cute. He also had my college's logo on his sweatshirt.

I went to the other side of the room and stared at the foreign object that somehow made my clothes clean. I entered some coins and the machine turned on. I shoved some of my clothes in there (I had too many for just one load) and then poured some of the detergent in there. I didn't know how much so I just put a few cups. The first few minutes I was proud that I had figured it out. Until this terrible rattling came from the machine.

"I don't think it's supposed to be whirling like that..." someone said behind me. I screamed and jumped up with my hands in karate mode. The cute guy from earlier was standing their with his hands up.

"Woah don't chop (?) me... I'm Brandon," he said. I lowered my hands.

"Um sorry, Hi I'm Evan," I said blushing a little. He was about to say something else when a terrible noise came from the machine. Before I knew what happened the door popped open and water, clothes, and bubbles went everywhere. Brandon and I took cover behind one of the benches.

"How many cups did you put in there?" Brandon yelled over the noise.

"Maybe five?" I said embarrassed. He facepalmed and then smiled.

"Okay, I'm going in." He said and before I could protest he jumped up and rushed to the machine. He punched some buttons and eventually the machine slowed to a stop. I looked around to see soap everywhere. Then I looked at Brandon. He had bubbles all over him but especially in his hair.

"Pff... haha! You look ridiculous!" I said laughing and Brandon looked over.

"You should see yourself." He said laughing. I turned to an empty washing machine and saw my reflection. Sure enough, I was also covered in bubbles. We both burst out laughing until we were holding our stomachs in pain.

When we calmed down I looked back up at Brandon. He smiled.

"You're cute," he said and I turned bright red.

"Oh uh, thank you..." I said trying to hide my face.

"After we get this mess cleaned up, would you maybe wanna get coffee with me?" he asked blushing a little, but not as much as I was.

"Yea," I said smiling softly, "I would love that..."

(Pt. 1 on profile)

“Yea,” I said smiling softly, “I would love that...”

“Okay good, um so let’s fix all this up. You clean the bubbles and ill do the laundry?” Brandon said smiling and I nodded. I grabbed a towel from my stack and started to clean up.

“Uh...” I heard. I turned around to see Brandon looking confused.

“I thought you said you did this before?” I asked.

“Well I implied it, but yea I’m not so good at it...” he said sheepishly. I dropped the towel and walked over.

“That’s okay we’ll just do it together,” I said and brushed some bubbles off his face laughing.

My head hurt. I lied in bed buried in fluffy white blankets with my auburn colored hair spread around the pillow. My headache reflected the weather.

I had large double glass doors displaying the ocean to my room. The sad-looking weather of the early morning was suffocating the beach. The waves looked upset and the grey clouds coated the sky thickly.

Yet the light was still there.

There was something about this light, but I don’t know what it is.

I wanted to get out of bed but I didn’t move.

Its been like that recently. Its almost as if my mood has reflected the weather...

My phone ringing interrupted my thoughts, I leaned over and picked it up just as a small drum of thunder came through as if the clouds were protesting my actions.

“Hello?” I asked quietly.

“Hey, Carly.” It was my friend, the one I had feelings for since third grade.

“Hi, James...” I said as I glanced outside. The waves seemed to have calmed down a little.

“Your sister told me you haven’t been feeling well.” He said and I sat up a little. That’s right, I forgot he had my sister’s number. I slowly pushed my legs over the bed.

“Yea...” I said as I exhaled and slowly walked over to the doors. I pushed one open, immediately being hit by the colder air.

“I’m sorry... I just wanted to ask you if I could come over?” he asked as I turned and grabbed my blanket, walking out on my porch, I sat on the swinging chair on the right.

“Sure, I’m out back on the swing.” I said softly and he gave me an ‘okay’ and told me he was on his way. Did I mention he lived next door?

He was here in a matter of minutes, he sat down next to me and I handed him half of the blanket.

“Thank you,” he said. We both sat there for what seemed like forever. It wasn’t awkward though. We sat and looked at the sea.

My mind went back to the light filtering through. There were only a few beams bouncing through the angry clouds, but they were bright. I wonder... if this weather was like my mood, what would the light be?

I looked down at my hands, I don’t feel like there is much light in my life. Maybe that’s it, the little light shining in is the little happiness I have in my life.

No, I don’t feel like that’s the case. I glanced at James. He had a small but noticeable stream of light on him. I smiled, maybe its hope. The light... is hope shining through the dark clouds. That’s a nice thought.

The sun came forth through the clouds as if it were agreeing with me and before I could say anything, James turned towards me.

“Carly I like you,”

(Pt. 2 coming)

“Carly I like you,” he said

I stared as my mouth opened and closed like a fish.

“W-what?” I asked

“I'm sorry, I- was I wrong? I thought maybe you might like me back, this is bad timing isn't it?” he said standing up and paced. I frowned.

“That's not true! I like you... I just didn't think you felt the same...” I said and tried standing up. My knees buckled and before I could hit the porch, James caught me.

“Woah... you okay?” he said and set me back down on the bench swing and sat down too.

“Yea I'm okay.” I said confused as to why my legs gave out on me.

“So you like me?” He asked slowly and I nodded.

“And I like you... what now?” he asked. I smiled as the light filtered in making it warmer.

The ocean is supposed to be loud. I can feel the breeze on my face and in my hair, I can feel the sand between my toes, and I can see the beautiful sun leaving to get ready for the next day.

But I cannot hear. I am deaf.

A hand waves in front of my face catching my attention, I looked up to make eye contact with him. My eyes shifted as I watched his hands move.

“Are you okay?” he signed

I smiled and nodded, “Let’s go.” I signed back and grabbed his hand.

We ran as the silent laughs wrapped around me, tripping and stumbling down a sand dune until we made it to our spot. A small patch of grass overlooking the beach.

I tackled him to the ground as I watched him laugh, his laughter addicting to my broken ears.

I rolled off of him and onto the ground. His hand found mine.

I watched the waves roll in and out trying to think back and remember what they sound like. I remember them being loud but comforting. I put it out of my mind because it didn’t matter at the moment. I turned to see him staring already. I smiled and laughed once again.

My smile faded slowly, if there was one thing I could wish for... it would be to hear his laugh right now.

I grabbed his hands to get his attention and then slowly brought them up to say something.

“Do you ever wish I could hear?” I signed. His eyes widened as he furiously shook his head. I was close enough to be able to read his lips.

“To me you’re perfect,” he said smiling but it didn’t reassure me.

“What about speak?” I signed knowing he knew I didn’t really like to speak. He got closer.

“You are perfect to me,” he said again, putting his hand on my heart. I smiled and nodded as he pulled me into a hug.

I tried to imagine his breathing and the sound of the waves once more but decided not to, that maybe silence is more defining. Silence means that everything else means more; touch, smell, sight. What I have is enough, I am lucky, and I am loved.

I looked back up.

“I love you,” I said, or at least I think I said it. He understood no matter and smiled mouthing, “I love you too” back.

-I hope I don't offend anyone. This story is written about my friend who struggles with OCD. Remember everyone's experience is different-

"Don't say it," I said holding my hand up.

"You're a control freak." she snickered.

What does that phrase even mean? A control freak? I'm sorry I'm a responsible thinker.

"I just want everything to be perfect," I said back to my sister who gave me a sad smile.

"No you want to control everything," she said back.

"I can't help it," I said angrily.

"I know... Okay, I'll see you later, just don't stress about it okay? Everything will be fine." She said then grabbed her keys leaving our room.

You see I'm a twin, Sarah my sister is the more free side of us while I struggle with OCD. Yes, obsessive-compulsive disorder or in Sarah's mind a "Control freak."

The way I see it, things are more complicated than just being in control. So many things could go wrong with our trip to the beach today. For example, if we don't arrive at precisely three this afternoon then a number of things could happen, the places around the beach would close early or it'll get dark quicker and there will be creeps that can kill or rape us.

Sometimes things have to be "in control" to avoid scarier outcomes.

I'm used to being teased by Sarah, I mean every day she laughs at how the microwave has to be stopped at three seconds until zero, but what she doesn't get is that if the noise startles the dog, then the dog could bark and wake neighbors and then the neighbors would plot something terrible like to kill us or set our house on fire and it would quickly go to crap.

I sighed and put my head in my hands counting to ten.

Maybe I am a control freak, who knows.

4:30 PM

The train ride is an hour ride from my house to my office, its not so bad. I can read or people watch but mostly I get lost in my own head. Every little thing reminds me of her. From the soft songs filling my ears to the simple color of yellow. Its been almost three years since she died I mean. I don’t do much, I don’t have a ton of friends and no family. My life is pretty depressing.

5:35 PM

Getting off the train I start the fifteen-minute walk to my house. Its quiet, peaceful, rainy. The way I like it.

After a while I began to hear chirps, I thought nothing of it at first but then I got curious as to what the noise was and made my way down the ravine.

A tiny white bird was lying there wet and distraught. I took my jacket off and approached. I stooped down and gently picked the fragile thing up, continuing my walk. The dove reminded me of something but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

6:00 PM

When I got home I dug up an old shoebox, cut holes in it and put the dove inside, leaving the box under a heating lamp I used to use for my lizards. I stepped back admiring my handy work.

“There,” I said and preceded to get ready for bed.

4:00 AM

I sat up breathing heavily, I heard thunder which didn’t help my post-nightmare. I leaned over for my phone and tapped the first contact.

“Hello?” I heard.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m calling so late its just-” I whispered.

“Did you have another nightmare?” he asked and I sighed saying a small “Yes”

“I’m on the way,” he said before I could object.

I waited a while but finally, I heard a knock at my door. I got up and opened it to see my sympathetic best friend holding two cups of coffee. I smiled and let him in.

5:00 AM

“So you wanna tell me what it was about?” he said

“It was just the same dream, the car accident, etc,” I said back.

“ Evan… you got to heal, you need to move on this is... This is messing you up.” He said making me angry.

“Don't you think I've tried?” I yelled with tears pooling up.

“I know you've tried but you always reverted back, come live with me, you can go back to college and-”

“I can't just forget her Charlie, shes everywhere. When I wake up when I'm walking or on the train, shes spelled out in the pages of the damn books! I can't do this anymore!”

“Yes you can, I'm going to help you,” he said and before I could say anything else there was loud chirping.

“What is that?” Charlie asked. I sniffed and wiped my tears as I got up and walked to the faded shoe box.

“Hey, you're awake,” I said to the bird as I gently opened the box to take a peak. I looked outside to notice it wasn't raining anymore and the sun was coming up.

“Come on we are gonna go let this little guy go,” I said grabbing my coat.

6:40 AM

Standing on top of the hill I opened the box and gently picked the bird up with two hands.

“Okay,” I said looking at him.

“Okay what?” he asked

“I wanna move on, I wanna let go. Not forget... but let go of the pain.” I said and he smiled. We both looked down at the tiny bird and I realized how much it reminded me of her. I smiled more and opened my hands letting the graceful being slip out and fly away with a final chirp as a goodbye, and thank you.

I turned back around and pulled Evan into a hug whispering a small thankyou back. Its time to let go.

And behind them, as they embraced, a small white dove feather falls slowly on the ground reminding them that love is everywhere. It may not be an easy process but there is always a way to heal.