If we repeat something again and again and again

It's value decreases. swallow the truth with sugar coat, it seeps into the body

radiating it the poison, hollowed every bone. crushing every cell to ashes.

I was told that I am not good I am not good I am not good

I believed. I buried my youth in a cascade

Swallowed my past life, burnt my veiling dreams

If we repeat something again and again and again

We start believing it's true.

I was told to do what others do. I did. I did. Seriously I did?

I believed. Evacuated my castle, crushing the paper boats

Tore the sweater I weaved

If we repeat something again and again and again

It affects your mind, hostage of glass chamber of floating restrictions you don't know who imposed, you are compelled to follow. Compromising something for no one.

I was told that differences existed from birth

I wasn't born with my thoughts. You shaped the pot, made it half hollow.

When consciousness entered there, it was unnourished, scattered, but it was imperative. Creativity peeped rose from its grave. I tried to light a match in the rain, it didn't work. Ambitious creativity survived, incarnation came alive

If we repeat something again and again and again

It changes our lives. Mind your words.

I collected the shattered glasses, unlocked my castle, threw away the veil, built paper boats, wove my sweater.

And now I don't believe what whispers birds tell, I should follow the screams of my heart

Again and again and again

I won't repeat.

Dusting photo albums,

You were like wind, felt but I can’t see you

I had deleted your pictures,

Not because I couldn’t see you again, I didn’t want to remember memories

Memories distorted with the tears,

Icecream Sundae &

One spoon of sorrow every meal

laying on the turf,

Sun still rises, why is it so blurry?

Blaming the clouds which shower misty melancholy

Twirling the pictures of your face

Rubbed mascara, twisted eyeliner, making this memory

Memory, you remember, you had taught me to make a perfect liner wing

When I lay back on turf, it’s smell whispers,

Hope is a headache &

Distance is a curse

The day is over

I see the flickering lights,

They die in no time,

And I forgot to delete the memories,

Gallery of my heart captured your feelings in a box

And now when I sit down listening to romantic Hindi songs &

reading my old poetry which was for you,

Nostalgia hugs me

In our last picture,

That night

Night was glimmering with stars

Stars were sprinkling stardust

Stardust floated in the air, I

I was wearing a black midi and

And you were wearing a black hoodie, I

I was leaving and waved, I wish

Wish I had stayed but I

I don’t regret my decision either, I still

Still feel the night captured in my heart

Dried roses between the pages of the books, we read together

Crushed like our faith, destiny

How can you forget your favorite person?

I imagined the perfect ending to our story

But sitting by your grave I turned the page, blurred the ink, and wrote another ending.

Even when candles have died, pictures deleted

I might never forget you &

Your love is like black sand near the park,

when I step in my footsteps I keep on immersing myself in it.

Folding a paper plane, sealing the letter enclosed in it. I sent it to you

Fractured legs, broken heart, a paper heart, paper cuts

Trying to remember all the good times,

Polaroid that is decorated on my closet, where I closed my heart

I wrote cute letters, decorated with stamps,

Cards doodled with memories we built together

I folded the paper plane and sent it to you.

You opened it and smiled

Fractured legs, broken heart, a paper heart, paper cuts

Paper cuts hurt just like the bloodstains on my carpet, the lavender fragrance of freshly made card cuts my paper heart,

Where are you gone? I have a piece of your heart. I am making a paper plane, I hope it reaches you

Wings holding paper cuts, taped them back put your footsteps burnt

Fractured legs, broken heart, a paper heart, paper cuts

I am breathing mist into our photo frame, we engraved the mirror with cute designs as a prank, now where are you pranking me

I was blinded by the august heatwaves, brushing rain on us like no one wanted us to stay together, putting paper boats in puddles,

Fractured legs, broken heart, a paper heart, paper cuts

Sugar-coated donuts falling your black hoodies, bubbles rising to the top of the glass, honey dripping down your lips,

Falling

Falling

Faith

Pictures I am living now, being lost in the past like the January coldness wraps me into august humidity on my specs mixing with hopelessness, roll down like my tears,

I believe imagination and reality have a gap, a paper gap, I wanna tear it, but these paper cuts

Fractured legs, I can’t move apart,

Broken heart, a paper heart

Paper cuts

Biting my nails, biting my nails, sinking in the depth of songs like I don’t have any work

My faith and hope have turned into dust, it’s around me but I can’t catch it.

Some people come into your life change it and vanish

Biting my nails, biting my nails, sinking into feeling like I don’t have metaphors

I am angry with a poet, who wrote about their loved ones but one day he vanishes. I wonder what I am left with except a few words. Metaphors.

Words which I dwindle upon, I am choking on words like they are stuck down my throat.

I tried, i tried to puke but didn’t work

Biting my nails, biting my nails, sinking into a pit of pain where there is no escape, restlessness is stuck to me, at least it’s adhered with me like my bestie. didn’t leave me

I have a complaint from a poet, who didn’t write his last words, left unfinished sentences with me with a smiling stamp. I can’t I can’t complete your holy words.

Didn’t I confess yes I fell in love with a poet

So can this poet stop playing games with me?

Please don’t become another star in the sky,

The sky is already lightened I need you I need you here with me on earth

Biting my nails, i still wonder

i)

Cinder brushed on aurora melting on my eyelids,

Collar bone covered with fat.

Bleeding wounds that will never heal

But ribcages have protected my nasty sins, scars,

Even if you swallow sorrow or repent and repent

Don’t punish your body,

Pretty things fade with time, you’re beauty is immortal, like evergreen trees in a rainforest.

Love yourself

ii)

August is the most romantic month when heatwaves hit your face with water droplets now from your eyes but clouds which pour love which is immortal

Summer vacations when I wake up late, microwave food,

Spending time with a friend

Hanging out on the terrace all day long,

I learned poems can’t always rhyme,

It’s so gross to play with slime

Love lasts for a lifetime

iii)

Things change

Nothing lasts forever and

The old music was better

Friendship does have an expiry date

But before that, you should live every second

Now,

We are just friends who wish each other and

how are you? And I am fine type

Tears have dried. I loved you. But for you, I was an option, not a priority. I even wrote my own Eulogy cause’ you wanted me dead

Because everything fades with time, when you sink into your pillow your screams will be heard only by you. You win battles no one knows anything about.

You’re brave and you can do it.

iv)

A smile saves everything

So even if your hollow inside learn to wear that smile like a weapon and

Wear your smile

Even if you’re broken inside

Smile is a piece of jewelry you are compelled to wear

Cradle your feelings, Cease your feelings.

V)

Don’t crush on people

Please don’t crush on people, get obsessed with them, even though they won’t like you back. But follow the rule. Learning rule. Learn at least one thing from your crushes and follow it in your life.

Vi)

Silence can’t be heard,

The world is deaf. But the right time is now,

If we delay

We won’t be able to breathe

We won’t be able to live the same

COVID was a demo of what’s to come

All the earth will burn to flames

Vii)

Petrichor and solitude are the best gifts

Viii)

I have captured my hope in candles. That I blow when I weep, the fragrance of dreams is lasting longer, longer, and longer. Eventually, hope is the strong smell that gives you a headache but it’s good. It’s good. It’s good.

Ix)

Lying supine on the cool sand. I wonder what the future holds. I think. Think. Think. But

If you what to get your dreams. Wake up. Do it. No one is going to do it for you

X)

When I was young I used to wonder what would happen if I put my hand into the electricity socket. My mum told me but I didn’t listen to her. So really on some people like your backbone, don’t question them

Xi)

Write about what you feel. Relatability over honestly. It is hard to it always. But sometimes authenticity is better. Raw emotions need to be expressed.

Xii)

Just found the word Pluviophile

A lover of rain. Rain is my friend. But it comes once every year to this desert to witness my dry heart.

xiii)

Fire or ice will kill us

But did Frost mention about thoughts?

Our thoughts change our habits

Also changes the world

So don’t let your mindset defile of define the world you shape

xiv)

You will never be happy with your past writings or anything, but those are steps you can’t jump. So once you fall down Samina, get up, put on your bandages, and run again.

xv)

SPREAD LOVE. When you can’t smile then make someone else smile.

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FOOTNOTE: THESE ARE THE 15 THINGS I LEARNED IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOUR WISHES. THIS IS THE BEST BDAY I EVER HAD. :) PLEASE STAY SAFE AND WEAR YOUR MASKS

Bethany.

Malicious memories,

Battles she fought, wounds never seen

Searching through the lost and found

Ripped by her kindness

Her greatest ecstasy

She listened to everybody’s grief.

Immersed herself

she sank sank sank

Bethany

Took the bus to church,

Gave an ear to everyone, she conquered a crown,

Listened to all, surviving,

every night she repents, moisture on her face

Flickering lights on the corner of the street

She killed someone, dragged the body to the basement

Cleaning the blood in the attic,

she wrapped herself in a fresh blanket,

when she thought was her responsibilities

Bethany

Her shoulder was heavy with her deeds, helplessly

Drawers filled with unpaid receipts

When will she realize

The one she killed is bethany. Oh! Bethany

Dancing in the dark, footprints on a sea

Listening to every wave, leaving endings which are hollow,

Cause' she was sinked into sorrow like a sponge.

Bethany

Breathlessly,

She was filled with jealousy,

She wanted someone to share her emptiness with,

Which seeps into her glass mind on midnights, sleeplessly,

She killed Bethany, she killed herself,

Bethany

Desperately she went on a walk by sea,

She heard her screams, felt something died inside of her

Fragile feelings she'd concealed

Bethany

Magic of the words turn into cinder,

Flickering lights

Malicious memories,

Don't be like Bethany,

Leave behind kindness which hurts sensibility,

Oh! Bethany.

I saw my hero in the grocery store

Picking fruits, walking down the alleys.

Rubbed my eyes, reality tore

I can't believe it's true, euphoria in my trolley

I chased my hero

I saw my hero doing things he shouldn't do, disasters

His fame and fury are lava burning my feet, I am getting stuck in it.

Cleaning the fog on my eyes, the smoke of burning polyesters

Pushed down the guard,

discriminated the lady selling getting cards,

Stamped the needy, fired the innocent lad

I saw my heroes images rusting,

That's when I realized

He's a human in blood, flesh but popularity is not important as humanity

I saw the real picture not a insta one with filters, filters which worn out.

I walked down to the bus

Took a seat home,

Wondering what was about this human that I had admired, looks just?

I lay down at the bed staring at the wall

I saw my hero again,

But now she's true, it's my mom

Till yesterday I was a naive kid hiding under the blankets, scared of thoughts,

She told me what was right what was wrong,