Five years young,

my life, left to be sung.

Five years young,

filling up my lungs.

Five years young,

Hearing the wraith of my mother's tongue.

Five years young,

I am already coming unstrung.

Fifteen years old,

I am different it was foretold.

Fifteen years old,

My emotions turned cold.

Fifteen years old,

My soul has been sold.

Fifteen years old,

My story still left untold.

Twenty five years to date,

Twenty five years too late,

Twenty five years full of mistakes,

Twenty five years and ready to break,

Twenty five years and rising the stakes,

Twenty five years and I'm still afraid,

Twenty five years and my bones already ache,

Twenty five years and breaking from this frozen lake.

Memories are so frail,

The past is always misread,

Wait. I lost the thread,

This disease is starting to spread,

Words left unsaid,

I think I've lost my head,

my future is dead.

Seeping through the cracks,

of my own abyss,

too scared to look back,

waiting patiently for death’s kiss,

breathe in,

wait, too late, the screens gone black,

my fragile self begins to split,

aiming daggers at myself ready to attack,

head down low ready to submit,

bracing for the impact,

this is the darkness within,

and finally my soul is trapped,

leaving me too cold to react,

The darkness within has already unwrapped,

Ruining everything I want intact,

All my negativity is already mapped,

I feel it coming but I’m never exact,

paranoid? I feel like a maniac,

The darkness within you can’t contract.

Sixty seconds later how do I act,

Light returns, back on track,

Another day living with this darkness untapped.

Not every story told,

Is yours to unfold,

for all to read,

That attention,

Feeds your greed,

your imprisoned,

Yet to be freed,

By the bubbling,

Truth that leaves,

You to plead,

Your thoughts,

Are nothing,

But a dream.

What were you hoping for?

When I lay shattered into pieces

All over your bedroom floor.

I am here for different reasons

Hand pressed against the glass door.

Contaminating you with my social diseases,

Eyes ablaze and ready to roar,

Head full of sinister ideas,

Before I'm displayed in a museum,

Shaken to the core,

Before they take my freedom,

I've heard this all before,

With the string and the needle,

I can't live with this anymore.

You're words were lethal,

You stitched me up you whore,

I wish I knew how evil,

I would've seen what i was in for.

Your efforts were so feeble,

I don't even have to settle the score,

There won't be a fucking sequel,

You are mr.jeykll,

Nothing you did was accidental,

You're heart was surrounded by nettles,

what you did was fundamental,

Fueling me to become a rebel!

Which has become instrumental,

to rising above the rubble,

My mind is kind and far more gentle,

Helping me to find the missing pieces of my puzzle,

Like all though, I have struggled,

The waves have torn through my life vessel,

And look how much I've buckled,

The only mark left was made by my pencil.

ten to midnight,

my mind's on repeat,

treading old grounds,

I can't settle into paradise.

Two selves trying to compete,

For the throne of my life,

How treacherous I've become,

Both selves full of deceit.

Think, do the sums,

My head's a cavern,

driving back the dark,

My fragile selves beat the drum.

This is becoming a pattern,

Expressing my darkest thoughts,

Expecting you to fix me up,

the labyrinth filled with chatter.

Half of me is at a loss,

Deeper in the rabbit hole I dive,

What will i come across,

And at what cost?

What will i stumble upon,

feeling in the water,

For my shattered selves,

The half i chose to ignore.

All i have taught her,

I gave her the reigns,

I set her free,

The four walled fortress,

where we once were.

Two years on, I ain’t a con,

the flower has bloomed,

Living majestically as a swan,

The world feels renewed,

All the little battles have been won,

The cracks have been glued.

Two years ago, my life begun,

Everything around me has improved,

roots of the real me are seeking the sun,

My old self has been consumed,

The thorns have come undone,

And my old self has been entombed.

Two years on and who have I become?

My life has resumed,

Only I remember where I came from,

My past self left battered and marooned,

And left in the darkest slum,

Thoughts trying to intrude.

Two years ago, I felt numb,

Everything felt construed,

My heart felt like a drum,

Everyone around me disapproved,

And again I had succumb,

To everyone else’s views.

Two years ago I was about to give up,

Thinking up every excuse,

Everything I worked on begun to slip,

I was about to let the real me loose,

This wasn’t in the script,

Inner turmoil I called a truce.

Two years on and it was hard to predict,

laying the foundations of my roots,

No more inner conflict,

I settled all my disputes,

all my hatred has been stripped,

Nothing within to pollute.

When we we’re younger,

We used to be so much closer,

And always be together,

The older we got the further the cracks in the ground felt,

Now there is only bitterness and regret.

Why did you cry when I told you this?

Why did your eyes swell up.

Cant we forgive and forget

I hold so many memories in my head,

And not all of them I regret,

We had some great times,

Until my teenage years came and fed me lies.

But please don't turn and leave,

Instead turn around and sit down with me please.

Here and hold these, keys,

To my heart you can open and see,

this is the true me.

Don’t just do it too please me,

Sit with me because you want to be,

I cant force your hand,

Or glue you to the seat,

And I don't want to plead.

But please please, stand by me.

PS: This poem was done about 2 years ago.