there is something so heart-wrenchingly painful about this evening that makes it different from all the other summer evenings that have come and gone like the wind. maybe it’s the shrill, can’t-hear-yourself-to-think chorus of the cicadas, which, seemingly louder than normal, reminds me that summer is inevitably coming to an end. the house is quiet; what was bustling with noise now remains a skeleton of what it was just a few hours ago. i find myself wishing for this moment to never end - for the ice in my glass to never melt, for the sun to never set, and for my grandparents to never move out. as i am sitting and writing this in the big yellow chair by the window, i can’t help but feel myself on the verge of tears.

I am constantly afraid,

Afraid of things I shouldn’t be

Afraid of spiders, heights and bees,

Afraid of losing everything.

Afraid of making big mistakes,

Afraid to give, afraid to take.

Afraid to love, afraid to hate,

Afraid of growing up too soon.

But what I fear the most is you–

Your soft brown eyes and hair.

Afraid that you don’t love me,

Afraid that you don’t care.

I am afraid of everything,

In fact, I’m always scared.

sept. 2019