My first date with my now partner-for-life went rather uneventfully up until around 2 AM.

We’d met up around noon for coffee at a local Peet’s. I had prepared by rolling out of bed around eleven, pulling on jeans and a cartoon T-shirt that felt indicative of my overall personality, trying and failing to comb my hair, then strolling into the coffee shop a few minutes early.

My partner apparently had spent hours agonizing over what to wear, trying to look not overly casual but also somehow formal (?), doing up their hair with ample amounts of product, putting contacts in, and showed up early as well, looking way too good for me.

Years later we will each confess to our pre-date preparations and I will be lectured on the importance of making a good first impression rather than a realistic one. Oh well.

Regardless, date proceeded and after coffee we took a walk, then we went to get lunch, then after lunch we decided to see a movie, and after the movie we figured we’d get dinner, and then after dinner we ended up sitting in the trunk of a car in an empty Safeway parking lot, listening to music on the speakers and talking.

I’ve not had many dates, so at the time I did not realize this one was going well (yes, I’m aware how dense I really am) and at some point the topic of what body parts attracted us came up in conversation. To my horror, my partner expressed a complete disinterest in body parts - like any of them.

To which I suddenly blurted out, “What? But that’s like my best feature!”

[Note: Dear reader - we leave the applicable body part out here so you may imagine the one that would incite the same respective level of horror in your own response]

And my darling partner looked at my indignant face and just laughed.

Then hugged me tight.

“What about your personality?” Still laughing. I sat rigidly in shock, trying to process exactly what was happening here.

“Personality?? Are you kidding me?” Again, I had no clue at this point that the date was actually going well. I was, in fact, utterly convinced I had just wasted over twelve hours of my life on someone who I now thought had no interest in me. Despite spending those same twelve hours avidly chatting and responding to every word I'd said. No, instead I felt horrified that my usual charms had not had any affect - instead, they'd had zero impact, and here I was now coasting along on personality alone.

[Imagine the horror, dear reader.]

The lesson I have since learned is that whatever strengths or sexiness you might think you have, what people actually appreciate about you may likely be none of those things whatsoever.

That and apparently personality is, in fact, a thing people find attractive - who knew?

'You're not good enough.'

'You're a nerd.'

. . .

But you can't satisfy everyone in the world. Even those idols and stars are criticized.

I admit I have faults. But everyone has them. If everyone was perfect, life'd be boring.

So, who are you to say I'm lacking, when you're lacking too?

I may not love myself. But I know who I am. And you'll never change me.

Mere waves cannot topple a cliff.

We are just like islands, countries on a vast, open ocean.

And that ocean is filled with naysayers, who want nothing else to crush your spirit.

Yet islands do not sink under oceans.

The motives of naysayers have intrigued me for long.

Why cut down others?

Maybe it's because they're insecure. To console themself they're not that bad.

But by doing so, they selfishly burn down others.

Self-image, like its name, is only an image.

Do you know who you are?

If you do, then you've wasted your time reading this.

Self image / self love

When my freedom to choose gets taken away. My self image is put to death silenced, sometimes even mutilated. My self image finds her strength in honoring her convictions.

Others in selfish motive try to manipulate me into choosing their wills. These control tactics range from threats of violence shouting and throwing things. Manipulation can also come through softer or promising methods.

Allowing a harsh or soft voice to trick me into defying my own self image. Always wrecks my self image. More than once I have had a tyrant relationship that tore my self image.

When I am forced to not follow my own inner witness my own "gut" my self image is shattered. If I can't hear myself believe myself and then honor myself. The only thing I have power over is taken I always lose my confident self image.

It is so rewarding and blissful when all is in cooperation with myself. When I know my image hasn't been manipulated. I stand tall.

She was an introverted girl.

She didn't speak much, or rather, she didn't speak at all.

She was also shy, and didn't like to look into people's eyes.

And that was why people didn't like her.

But then, it wasn't others people's fault.

Whenever they tried to engage her in conversations,

she would only utter a word or two,

then,

slowly slip away.

No one knew what she was thinking, no one knew what were her feelings.

Soon, people began ignoring her, and treated her like she was invisible.

And that was when she became more unapproachable then ever.

People loved to mock her, not verbally, but through their actions.

Whenever she was around, they transform themselves into actors and actresses,

and act.

They act like they're superior to her.

They will even put up a big show of laughing with their friends,

to try to let her know that it's a shameful thing to not have friends.

It was like they were trying to say, 'See? We all have friends to have fun with. Unlike you, so lonely. Don't you feel abandoned? Haha...'

But, she didn't feel mocked. Little did she feel inferior to others.

And because of that, people hated her even more.

They were angry that their efforts to put down her were futile.

But the truth was, she was having the last laugh.

And the secret to that was because she could accept herself, and walk through life with her head held high.