bleed
holding silver coins underneath my tongue
as if it tasted of another shot of your poison
cold metallic edges i'd run my tongue over
until it's bleeding and i could dream of you
holding the rusted blades underneath my skin
pretending it stung not because of your touch
this time i bleed in rivers of bitter nightmares
and i stain your fingertips a thousand times over
- deathetix
it hurts
When you hear
a song you
once loved
and realize
you were
your son's age
when it was
your favorite
and the path
before you
was long,
exciting and
seemingly
endless;
when you realize
your nervous
tapping habit
is no longer
a conscious act
but rather
a disorder
associated
with the old
that will
steal away
your best years...
and
will only
get worse;
when you perceive
that the road ahead
is dark, rocky and
overhung with
thorny brambles,
the antithesis
of your
youthful
hopes;
when you understand
that death is real,
close and
far too often
desired...
it hurts.
Distance
Dying to hear your voice now,
If I cry, will you appear and hold me?
Swear you truly love me, please.
Time goes too slow, but too fast.
All I want is you, your love,
No matter if I have to walk all the way to you.
Eradicate the distance, please?
Cause right now,
I need you.
But you're miles away,
Far from my reach.
What’s the Point
My wife gave birth the other day,
Bringing my son into the world just this last week.
Holding my baby boy, I watch my wife call her friends,
Joyfully shouting inaudible shrieks.
I go out for a drive to get some food
And to get some fresh air.
I don't drive. I don't listen to music. I don't touch the keys.
I sit. Alone. In silence. With a blank stare.
Then an epiphany hits me,
like a car driving into a wall.
Casting my gaze to my phone. I scroll through my contacts.
Realizing that I have no one to call.
Friendships that long since ended,
If they were ever my friends.
A family that pretends that I don't exist
With zero plans to make amends.
Turning the ignition, I drive off into the night.
Speeding 20 above the limit.
No where to go, but I'm going there fast.
Thinking. What's the point of this whole gimmick.
The little Things
I lost my Mother on August 26, 2020.
And I remember her telling me about two weeks before she passed that she didn’t want to die alone, and she made me promise that when it was her time to go I would be right there. And I just looked at her and laughed and said ” you have a lot of time before that happens.” but I still promised.
But what I and my little sister didn’t know was that she was sick( not with COVID) she was only 47.
It wasn’t her death that broke me.
It was because I didn’t get to say goodbye. it was because I wasn’t there.
I wasn’t there to hold her hand.
I wasn’t there to comfort her.
I wasn’t there and I broke my promise.
What hurts
Pain is a funny thing.
I always use anger to push it away.
But sometimes that is not good enough.
What hurts is all the demons tearing at my soul.
What hurts is when my own parents tell me I am not good enough.
What hurts is when I realize no one loves me.
What hurts is when I remember my parents abandoned me because I was a burden.
What hurts is when I look in the mirror and realize my demons have stolen everything.
They stole my pride, my happiness, my light.
What hurts the most, however, is knowing I cannot escape.
What hurts
“What hurts?” She asked cradling the younger woman’s face.
“Everything hurts...” she whispered “my soul is shattered, my mind is in shambles, my spirit is nonexistent. Waking up everyday feeling hopeless, useless, stupid, and worthless hurts... but what hurts the most is feeling like I’d be better off dead.” She said tears now burning down her face.
“I didn’t know you felt like that.” The older woman said holding onto the girl.
“And I never wanted you to.” The girl said burying her face in the older woman’s shirt.