'Twas the night before Christmas, when throughout the house

Not a creature was stirring, except for a louse;

The stockings were hanging quite limply with care,

In hopes that a pushover soon would be there;

The children were nestled all tucked in their beds;

While visions of anime danced in their heads;

And mamma in her nightie, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our bods for a long winter's nap,

When out in the lane there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to hear what was the chatter.

Away to my tablet I flew like a flash,

Typed quickly my password to search what was rash.

The clouds blew abreast of the new-fallen snow,

Giving lustre of midday as I entered flow,

When what to my sleep weary eyes did appear,

But a miniature sleigh, as I chugged my craft beer,

With a wizened old driver so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment he must not miss a lick.

More rapid than shrapnel his coursers they came,

And he whistled, exhorted, and called them by name:

"Now, Gnasher! now, Glancer! now Pincer and Vixen!

On, Vomit! on, Stupid! on, Bronzer and Kitten!”

They flew up high then, to the top of our condo

With sleigh full of toys and St. Nick, who was gonzo.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard up above

A prancing and pawing, each sending me love.

As I drew in my head, and was turning about,

Down the chimney St. Nick came, and my, he was stout.

He was dressed all in fur. Adding to the confusion,

His clothes were all tarnished with black air pollution;

A bundle of bots he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a hacker just opening his pack.

His eyes—they were wrinkled! his dimples, so precious!

His cheeks were like apples, his nose had a red blush!

His droll little mouth puckered up like an “O”,

And the beard on his chin was so long, it must go;

The stump of a pipe he drew in through his teeth,

And the smoke, it encircled his head, smelling sweet;

He had a flushed face, and his pair of love handles

Alit when he laughed, like a couple of candles.

He was portly and plump, a right jolly old mate,

And I laughed when I saw him, he was so first rate;

A blink of his eyes and a nod of his head

Soon led me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his job,

And filled all the stockings; then let out a sob,

And laying forefinger on cell phone just so,

And giving a nod, I saw that dandy go;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his deer gave a signal,

And away they all flew like a heat seeking missile.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove round the bend—

“Happy Christmas! I hope from the virus you’ll mend!”