MENTAL DISORDERS REDEFINED
RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME
Definition:
A behavioral disorder in which one cannot resist the urge to pedal legs while sleeping.
It is a dog-borne disease and condemns one to the “doghouse” (aka couch in the evening).
COTARDS SYNDROME
Definition:
Self-identifying as a zombie.
It has been debated whether or not this syndrome results from repeated attempts at failed immortality.
FREGOLI SYNDROME
Definition:
Taking the “we are one” saying too literally, aka The Matrix Paradox.
Dye your hair and change your name to Neo.
ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVE DISORDER
Definition:
Feeling compelled to be interesting or to be doing something interesting all the time after subscribing to too many Youtube Vlogs.
CAPGRAS SYNDROME
Definition:
Finding the long-lost twin your friend never knew they were looking for.
Who knew they had an identical brother from another mother?
ALICE IN WONDERLAND SYNDROME
Definition:
The Real World Instagram paradox.
What happens once you walk offstage, take off your makeup, and ditch your platform shoes.
ALIEN HAND SYNDROME
Definition:
When you are a maniacal kleptomaniac.
What's your excuse when your fingerprints are found where they shouldn’t be? That life was becoming too much for you to handle?
APOTEMNOPHILIA
Definition:
The morbid curiosity to obtain self-regenerative qualities like a reptile.
Eddie the Emo always loved lizards and hated being human, it wouldn't be long until he cut himself too deep...
STENDHAL SYNDROME
Definition:
The condition in which one is unconditionally entranced by a piece of art.
This syndrome is caused by talking with the paintings in Hogwarts for far too long.
Serious, untreatable condition
Bigraphine anxiety disorder- the dread of a looming exam. also:the fear of buying , using, or sharpening no. 2 pencils. patients report loss of appetite, lack of sleep, nightmares, overeating, shaking hands, and blackouts. condition is closely related to hyperchocolatephagy, and hypercaffination.
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Aviomedusaephobia- fear of flying jellyfish. patients exhibit a stark terror of open spaces (related to acrophobia) tropical storms, and cloudy weather formations (closely related to cumulunimbus attaxia).
Hyperlactopendulis- the intentional over-consumption of milkshakes. connected to suicidal bolimia and milk-based coctails.
