Modern Greek Gods
Demeter works at Panera
Hermes is an Uber driver because his old USPS branch suffered budget cuts and his vision for flying mail vans fell through
Iris is an Instagram model
Zeus is a school superintendent that you’d never want to challenge to an arm wrestle
Hera left him five years ago
Aphrodite is best friends with Paris Hilton
Apollo’s lifeguard career didn’t go well, so he became a doctor
The patient that stuck with him, the one he couldn’t save, was Hyacinth
Athena is one of Wall Street’s finest
Artemis is a social justice lawyer, primarily arguing for women’s rights
Ares runs a bar, and it’s not as great as he thought, but he paid off his mortgage and stopped riding motorcycles after he had his daughter
Persephone runs a flower shop and drinks green tea, does yoga in the mornings, and does her best to keep Hades on a short leash
Hades is the wealthiest man in town, but nobody knows where his black Cadillac with tinted windows came from or where the red stains on the rims did either
Posiedon is a marine biologist, and he routinely takes his children to the beach to play in the water and learn about cleaning the ocean
Dionysus owns a vineyard, and he and his husband have brunch on Sundays and make YouTube videos
Nike is an Olympic soccer player who advocates for equal pay in sports and the workplace
And Cronus lives alone, shouting insults at his tv and littering his shag carpet with empty cans, because not everyone can be happy
Persephone
She sighs. As usual, her videos aren't getting many positive responses.
Why can't they just understand her point of view?
Eating animals is evil, veganism is the only way to go.
Every day she spends in the Underworld,
she sees dead animals make their way into Elysium.
While she's happy they go to a good place,
she's also sad that they didn't get to live longer lives.
And why is that? Because of stupid meat-eaters who think its ok to eat animals,
they're just animals not beings capable of thinking.
The fools. She sighs once more, she's just trying to get the message out.
To help people understand that eating animals hurts all these adorable creatures.
Why didn't these people get that?
She shakes her head and goes to greet her husband, leaning against him.
"Hard day?" He asks.
"No one understands..." She whines pitifully.
"I understand." He tells her and she smiles and hugs him tightly,
ignoring how he's the one who brings death to them in the first place.
Its the meat-eaters fault surely?
(Author's note: personally I'm not vegan and never will be. But I can see Persephone being a total Vegan mom whose trying to persecute all the meat-eaters of the world for killing little animals. And Hades is just going with it cuz what else ya gonna do?)
Alastor
The lights brighten and the crowd cheers over the sound of the opening music.
"It's time to play Family Feud!" shouts the announcer. "Give it up for Steve Harvey!"
A man in a handsome suit steps out. He smiles at the crowd before him, his instruments of justice, keen to mete out their cruel punishment of public humiliation. As much as he loved his job in the old days, influencing history in the worst and best of ways, he also loves his new, streamlined process, and working with the public rather than against it.
God of Family Feuds and Avenger of Evil Deeds
Apollo the Drag Queen
dreadlocks and hoop earrings
extravagant dresses and high heeled boots.
a voice like hot chocolate in the middle of winter.
thick makeup coats dark golden skin
tattoos of the sun spot his arms.
he drives a gold-plated motorcycle
he is Apollo, god of the sun,
and during off hours he shows up at drag races
and flirts shamelessly with anyone who passes by.
he wakes up the next morning in a stranger’s bed
immune to the hangover but not to the loneliness.
he leaves at dawn,
even when he wants to stay,
because he’s got a job to do,
and his job takes priority over a damn good time.
only two things inevitable
he sits on the leather chair,
the springs absorb the weight.
it is not that he’s heavy, on the contrary. it’s just that he calculated the noise and wear of the wheels and springs against the price of a new office chair. the chair stays, and so does he. 1040s here, due diligance there.
on exciting days, he does some analysis. but not for any of the gods. they don’t even file. they think it all’s going to hold up.
until it doesn’t.
it’s a federal crime, is what their doing. his ‘friends’ from the old days.
but that’s how things roll.
two things are inevitable in life, and he covers both, and proud of it.
Warmth
Bundled in the dark blue cardigan she got from her dear niece Artemis, Hestia waited at the bus stop. The clouds were rumbling, and she clutched the little Hello Kitty umbrella one of her kindergarten students had gifted her. It was her favorite and she used it all the time, even though it barely stuck out past her shoulders. The 78 came to a hissing stop in front of her and she let the pushy guy that was talking on his phone and the giggling schoolgirls laughing about their teacher board the bus before she did. She dropped a few coins into the bus slot, made some idle chitchat with the bus driver, Heidi, and slipped into her normal seat.
The bus roared to life and slowly maneuvered its way into the 5pm traffic. Hestia curled herself into the corner of her seat and pulled out one of the many books her niece, Athena, was giving her. It was to keep her sharp, Athena had joked as she twirled her aunt's salt and pepper hair into goddess braids.
"You have to read this one this time," Athena had said, sliding Pride and Prejudice over to her aunt. "It's good and I need someone to talk about these things with."
"I thought you and Artemis talk about books all the time?"
"We do. And Aphrodite sometimes but all she likes is the war books," Athena rolled her eyes and mimicked in a high voice, "Love and war go hand and hand. She's so pretentious"
"She's married to the god of war," Hestia reminded Athena. She toyed with the cover of the book, which was adorned with beautiful calligraphy from the writer herself, Jane Austen. "So, what's this book about?"
"Some sisters in love."
"Why do you keep giving me love books," Hestia asked with a chuckle. "I haven't been in love before."
"So you'll know how it feels," Athena said. She had finished her aunt's hair and was wrapping a thick gold thread around the ends. "So when one of those little munchkins you teach has a boy or girl issue, you can help them out."
"Hmm." Hestia murmured. She stopped playing with the book cover and folded her hands. "I guess I'll give it a try."
"You better," Athena said, giving her aunt a pinch.
The book had sat on Hestia's kitchen table for weeks as she was consumed by her work. Counting lessons, glitter, and stickers soon covered her table and everything on it. After a few months, the kids were gone for winter break, and Hestia had a chance to clear her table. It was her favorite part of the school year. Wiping away the mess and the crafts and the chaos of planning for the beginning of the year to make room for the many projects and games she had planned for the rest of the year. She had all but forgotten about the book until she spilled a vial of purple glitter everywhere. Then she saw the book and it brought the conversation with Athena back.
Athena, by then, was in Canada at some convention explaining to a group of educators how they can help teach their students. She and Hestia texted each other every day, but it wasn't the same as when Athena was at her kitchen table amongst the clutter of ungraded student projects pestering her. She'd been asking how the book was going, but Hestia always changed the subject. Her niece knew her well. After the chaos of Hera and Zeus and Hades stealing Demeter's daughter (which really fucks up Christmas dinner) and Poseidon's weird mood swings and all the nieces and nephews intermingling with everything with a hole, Hestia had never had an interest in love. It was nice to see when she was walking by and saw a mother with her ducks or two cats curled together, but she had never understood why anyone would go through the agony of being together. And her petulant niece knew it. So, she'd slid the boo into her bag that morning and pondered reading it all day. Now that she was on the bus, staring at Jane Austen's name in nice calligraphy, her mind was racing with possibilities. She'd decided she'd read it.
She pulled the cord to get off at her stop and trudged towards her little townhouse a block from her bus stop. The rain was pouring now, and her shoulders were getting soaked. She held her bag in front of her and stepped around puddles and made sure not to get any of the kids' Valentine's Day projects wet. She had forgotten her rainboots so the water was pooling in the sandals that Apollo had gotten her for Christmas. Luckily, she didn't have far to go. She was soaked by the time she got into her house, where she was greeted by Vrachos, a Doberman Hephaestus had found somewhere. He'd asked Hestia if she'd watch Vrachos while he and Aphrodite figured things out, though it had been two years so Vrachos was basically hers now.
"Alright boy, down," Hestia said after a few minutes of slobbery kisses. "I missed you too, love. Have you been good?"
Vrachos went into the study and sat on the couch and put his head down. A mountain of fluff that was once the couch cushion was strewn around him. Hestia shook her head. "What am I gonna do with you?"
She set her bag down on the coffee table and got to work picking the stuffing up as well as the carcass of the cushion, which Vrachos had hidden underneath the ottoman, and began restuffing the pillow. She sutured up the newest tears Vrachos had made and put the cushion back where it came from. She sat down on the couch, nearly dry after an hour of fixing the cushion, and sighed. Vrachos cautiously came over to her and laid down on her lap.
"You saying sorry for killing the couch again?" Vrachos answered with a yawn, and Hestia rubbed his head. "Well, you're lucky I'm forgiving. Plus, we both know I use the chair more often."
The clock chimed six. Hestia let out a sigh and stood up. "It's dinnertime, huh?"
Vrachos lept up and raced into the kitchen. Hestia shook her head and slowly followed. Vrachos was standing eagerly next to his bowl.
"You're a mess, you know that?"
She opened the fridge and pulled out the leftover portion of his food from the day before. She opened the top and gagged. It smelled awful, but Hades was never the best cook. She tipped the rest of it into the bowl and tossed the Tupperware in the sink. Vrachos was looking at her with wide eyes, wagging his tail.
"Okay," she said and Vrachos nearly dove into his bowl. She pulled out some bread and cheese to make herself a grilled cheese. the smell of rain wafted in through the kitchen window and the pitter-patter of rain mixed with Vrachos' ravenous eating made a fascinating little hymn. Hestia flipped her sandwich which hit the pan with a hiss. Her mind was wandering to the wedding that Hades and Persephone threw a few millennia ago. It was a weird wedding since she was the only one there for them (along with Hermes, who was just there for press reasons, and the ghouls because Hades told them to.) Yet, as the only one allowed to go visit the Underworld whenever she wanted, she was surprised to see how well Persephone and Hades got along. They cooked together, cleaned together, walked Cerberus together (which was always a fun sight to see). In fact, if you forgot that Hades was Persephone's uncle, they were almost a cute couple. Though Demeter hated hearing it, Hestia had always been intrigued by that.
She slid her sandwich off the skillet and took it into the living room where her bag was sitting. She grabbed the book and sat down in her chair. She snapped her fingers, which sent growing orange flames from the fireplace, and tucked her legs underneath her. Vrachos, who had lapped up every speck of his food hopped onto the ottoman at her feet and laid down. She took a bite of her sandwich, took a deep breath, and opened the cover.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife "