This.

This.

It is my greatest wish.

If I had one wish,

to turn back time

or freeze it in place.

Every day.

Every day.

Make haste.

Make haste.

There's never enough time in the day.

Do this.

Do that.

Help them.

Work. Flat.

I lie on my back.

Awake.

I fight my sleep,

For, tasks, they creep.

Never enough time in the day.

Awake, to work.

Then eat? Maybe.

Then sleep? Maybe.

It seems, maybe.

I'll never catch up,

it seems... maybe.

That I can only

Pray.

That one day.

My dismay.

Goes away.

One day,

I'll catch up,

or learn to say 'No'.

Not so.

I cannot.

Things are hard.

Too much on my plate.

I wonder.

I wander.

I wait.

I stop.

I breathe.

But, only for a moment.

Busy whirlwinds spin.

I can never truly rest.

People say, "Do what's best.

FOR YOU".

But, I can't

seem to comprehend

the trend

that draws me in.

I should take out more time for myself.

Put some of these tasks on the shelf.

But, still, it will seem

that it's ever a dream

to freeze time and complete

everything that I need

To do.

It's true.

But, one thing I know...

if time's truly stopped,

things sure would be slow.

so many would drop.

Unless I could choose

what's frozen and loose.

The sun wouldn't rise or set in it's beauty.

I may not be able to complete any duties.

How could I make calls if everyone's stuck?

How could you search Google if net's in a rut?

How could you say hi to family and friends?

The time in time frozen is quite a lonely end.

So, if I could freeze time, could I record?

How would that work? Think too much, it's absurd.

But, putting the logic far aside, gone,

I don't think I'd freeze it at all for too long.

I may get some rest, record, sing a song,

but then I'd press play and go trudging along,

Busy,

Busy,

Busy,

Bee.

Busy,

Busy,

Busy,

Me.

Busy.

Busy..

Busy...

Hair stands up, static from

sliding

all

the way

down.

Wide eyes squinted by your big grin.

Pudgy hands. Arms out.

Joy

Sunshine bounces off your face.

If I could stay a little longer in that place…

I’d pause time, just a little while, absorbing all the lasts I can

before I blink and you’re

a man…

If only I could freeze and unfreeze time, I would. Hell, if I could manipulate time in any way, I would. But what would I do? I have a huge list.

Assuming I'd be born with the gift, I would freeze time at the moment it all began, when my father first asked if I knew what s** was. I hate that word because of him. I can't stand seeing it, or hearing it, or saying it. I'd freeze time before I was left alone with him and I would have climbed in the truck with my mother and siblings to go to the hardware store. I'd freeze time any time him and I were alone together and I'd get as far away from him as possible. Of course, this is all under the assumption that everything and everyone freezes with time. Everyone except me.

I would have frozen time in highschool so I had more "time" to work on my schoolwork. I would have frozen time in highschool so I could get a little more sleep or have the chance to actually eat rather than eating while doing 5000 other things at the same time.

I would have frozen time when I was packing to leave for college so I would've gotten more done.

I would have frozen time when I was swerving across the road in October so I had the chance to maybe stop the car before I wrecked.

I would have frozen time before I was hospitalized in November for suicidal thoughts and I would have stopped myself from saying anything. Or maybe, even if I didn't get the chance to do that, Maybe I would have frozen time so I could escape.

I would freeze time every time my fiance came over just so I could be with him a little longer.

Using the power to freeze and unfreeze time, I'd walk around the world. I'd see everything that there is to offer. I would be free of distractions, free of others, free to do what I want, say I have seen everything. In those moments of stasis, I will try all the food around me, I will being to learn the languages of the world. I will be able to communicate with others, form new memories with the hundreds of thousands of people. After I have seen everything, I will finish writing my screenplays and stories and attempt to accomplish my dream. It ain't so bad having the ability to freeze time, I might accomplish everything.

For time to stop in an instant,

the idea that it could and

I could control how many moments pass

I do not think is what we believe it to be.

If time is stuck, then I suppose I must be too,

and you and them and every one and thing.

All of us trapped within a fraction of a second

unable to go forwards or backwards.

There would be no moving or changing,

no undoing what has been done,

or exploring the world.

Because we are locked there and then,

confined until I hit resume.

But if I had that chance,

that control for which so many yearn,

time would be suspended during the first kiss;

the moment at the alter;

that first night together.

The feelings would linger indefinitely during our perfect moments,

when my children are born, and all their steppingstones.

When finally, I am taught what being needed, loved, and wanted means

I'd likely remain in those lessons forever.

The days where everything is good would never have to end.

But when they do, and the cruel hands of time tick away,

I would cling to each breath of those whose days are drawing near.

If time would freeze for me,

do my bidding with a single snap,

I would use my power in the moments

that I could never get back.

The ability to freeze time, on its surface, seems to be one of the greatest abilities with which a person could be bestowed. With it, you could save lives, travel the world and learn new skills in seconds, and shape the arc of society in your image. In fact, the opportunities granted to you by such an ability must surely be limited only by the bounds of your own imagination.

However, I would argue that the best thing you could do with such a gift is nothing at all. Time is the currency that gives our lives value, and by making it limitless, even for just one individual, you risk fundamentally corrupting the meaning of life for the entire human race. Yes, tragedy is, by definition terrible, but in bearing witness to it we develop the empathy and community that makes us our humanity. Yes, lost moments or missed opportunities are unfortunate, but it is the risk inherent to such events that inspires us to take chances and roll the dice in the hope that our lives may be made better for it. And yes, struggling and losing are never fun, but they are the very experiences that make us fight so hard to succeed and win.

As such, I believe that, should you be able to freeze and unfreeze time at will, you should never do so. Life is not meant to be lived in installments, but as a whole, and life's most precious qualities, from love to community to freedom, cannot be properly appreciated without the unceasing march of time to spur them on. The one exception to this rule, I believe, is that you could, in moments of real importance, pause time to simply cherish what you have been given, but even this should be done sparingly and with an understanding that even these moments must, one day, come to an end.

days counting down

cursor on a blank screen

blink blink blink

it taunts me

reminding me

of my failure.

nanowrimo:

national "no-writing" month

my fingers

were so focused

on overachieving

that they've gotten

nothing done.

I stare at the cursor

blink blink.

it stops blinking

my clock,

frozen at 11:59.

time has stopped

and i can finally write.

free of pressure,

no fear of deadlines,

maybe i'll finally

succeed in writing a novel

after all.

Here and now

Perfectly this

Skin of suede subtly lit up

Lips moist for a kiss

With stars in luminescent eyes

Cheeks dusted with flakes of snow

Shrugging against the burning wind

Swiftly reddening a near frozen nose

Strands of toasted chestnut blustering under a cozy hat

Chilled chiseled hands shoved deep into pockets

Voice leaving ice crystals careening through frosty air between us

Forcing my swelling heart free of its socket

If only for this brief moment life would suspend

Freedom found frozen through time with you

Reality warped so our moment will not end

Encased in this stunning winter view

Minutes thwarted by my daze

gaze into the for never

I dare not touch or twist a thing

Who knows the ripples it might bring

Commit myself an observer

frozen moments

offer undisturbed observation

allowing me to count the feathers

of a hummingbird

Ruby throated

upon her thorned throne.

I would age.

"I am not being rude when I ask you this, but have you started smoking?" That was my aunt, in the Trader Joe's check out line. She loved coming to the city to shop at the Trader Joe's. Here third husband owned an eclectic house further down1-70 in the mountains. She had tight curly grey hair, smelled like incense and wore patterned scarfs in odd configurations.

"No, why do you ask this?" I glance at the checkout clerk for validation.

Later in the bathroom of the coffee shop I would stare intently in the mirror and trace the thin crease that angled from noise to mouth. I'd pat beneath my right eye. Was it puffier? My mom had made comments too. She asked me if I was getting enough sleep. Plenty. I snoozed up 2 hours a day. Was I working too much? No-- I can't tell you the amount of breaks I took or the length of them. Sometime the breaks were long enough for me to walk to my favorite pastry and coffee shop, past frozen commuters and the gargoyle baristas where I would select from the glass case behind the counter my favorite snack and eat it quietly sprawled on their guest sofa. Once I even ate it my head resting on the lap of some business fellow.

I realized all my delusion right there! Everything that was meant to give me life was taking it away. Every act of self-preservation was cellular suicide. I couldn't count the hours, the years I had taken from myself. I felt sick. I searched for gray hairs and knew I couldn't cry because my aunt would wonder. She was already wondering about why I was in the bathroom for so long I am sure. And then a second panic- what am I doing wasting time in the bathroom. I should be there talking to my aunt. I should text my brother. I should book a flight. My hear was beating and I wanted so desperately to make up for time I somehow felt I lost but there I was frozen in front of the mirror.