today I turned six years old

and my cake melted on the porch

beneath candle flames dying like the sun in the evening

today I learned the meaning of cold

it wasn't an ice cube down your back

that was a relief around here if anything

today I heard sound of his hand across her cheek

and I knew that was what it meant to freeze

it wasn't sweet like a popsicle

it was nauseating as heat stroke

but with the bite of a rattlesnake

I clapped my hands over my ears watching the sky change color through the screen door

and I pretended that the muffled sounds

was someone singing happy birthday to me

today I turned six years old

and I learned to cut my own cake

and and how to eat alone

Mom made it,

cherry with sour bits

and all pink frosting

with an angel on top

my friends are all here

and there's red pop

and balloons,

I'm so lucky.

They're all singing

clapping for my birthday!

Then dad made mom slam the door

and she's crying. All my friends

are quiet. I slip off my seat, the girls

follow. I hold my finger cross my lips.

Shhh.

Now they're yelling.

I squeeze my eyes shut, cover ears

What did I do?

Why are they so mad?

Am I in trouble?

I hope they don't look under here.

Now there's silence. I peek out

climb back on my chair.

No one looks at each other.

Dad's gone outside. Whew-wee.

That was close. Mom tries to smile

"you want ice cream? I got bubble gum"

I freeze, shrug my shoulders. My friend

says yes, so we all nod. It doesn't taste

good any more.

Mom and Dad keep screaming and shouting at each other. They've been doing this a lot lately. I wonder why their so mad? I wonder if I've done something to upset them?

Everyone at my birthday party seems to notice to. All of the adults are trying to act like everything's normal, but I can hear them whispering back and forth to each other. I may be six years old but I'm definitely not dumb. The other kids can tell something's up too. I see it written all over their faces. Some kids look scared. Other kids look curious. I try to keep a smile on my face but feel it getting weaker and weaker.

Finally a door slams and my mom comes walking back into the dining room. I can tell she's been crying. I ask her if she's okay? She tells me, "I'm fine sweetheart. I just got soap in my eyes when I was washing my hands. I'm a silly mama huh?" I try to laugh but nothing comes out.

I will always remember my sixth birthday. I'll remember it because it's the first time my mom ever lied to me. It's the day my dad slammed the front door and never looked back. It's the day I had to grow up and become the man of the house. It's the day I found out life isn't easy.

Mommy started screaming at Daddy again. I think it's because he forgot my cupcake. (We don't have much money to buy a cake so instead I have a cupcake every year.) Daddy started yelling too. He was saying things about "cheating" and "money" and how its Mommy's fault.I started to cry and one of my brothers came and picked me up. As we left the room I saw Daddy hit Mommy. I screamed for my brother to let me down.

"Mommy! Mommy, are you okay?!" I yelled. Before the door closed all the way I saw Mommy on the ground. She wasn't moving.

I already knew he was coming in here after he was finished with Mommy.

The doorknob shook hard and my brothers stood in front of me, protecting me. I knew it wouldn't do much because he always found a way to hit all of us. I was scared but I learned to deal with it because it wasn't the first time and it wasn't the last either.

My name is Katrina

I'm six years old

I'm so old

I'll be going bald

Today was my party

I noticed we hadn't had cake

I went to tell mommy

Daddy and her were at it again

Screaming and screaming

One word

Screaming and screaming

Ten words

I hated seeing this

They said they would play nice

Just for today

But they didn't

I ran outside to my cake

Taking the first bite

By myself

Happy Birthday Katrina