Trying to Sound Smart But Not Really Succeeding
I'm a Libra. Honestly, I don't even know what that means, but frankly, I feel cheated! All the other signs have cool animals, and I get this weird set of scales! Come on! No originality! What is it supposed to mean? Balance? Inner peace? Whatever, just be awesome, Libras!
Scorpio
Today: You'll read a horoscope. It'll list generalized yet insightful traits of your personality. It'll also recommend that you should be suspicious. You'll dismiss this horoscope.
Tomorrow: You'll wonder if your horoscope will be true. You'll analyze your behavior for evidence of predetermined personality traits. You'll realize you're being suspicious.
Sagittarius
Feeling a little lonely? Befriend the monsters underneath your bed; they make for good company.
If you're in a more adventurous mood, venture into daylight and smile at the next stranger who makes eye contact with you. Good things (namely, fateful encounters and life-changing moments) come to those who wait.