I'm so nervous - I think I'm sweating more than the time I went into a Finnish sauna. I'm so nervous I want to throw up, but I've got to stay strong. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  Okay, here goes. No more delaying. Well boys, wish me luck.

I swing open the door to my van and slowly approach the park. "Stay cool, act normal, I haven't done anything yet, it's all in my head," I repeat inside my head in a loop hoping that my mantra will somehow translate into reality.

"Relax. You've got this!" I say to myself.

"Boof!" cheered my puppy Ruff in support.

"Yeah, thanks boy," I say as I ruffle his fur a little. That helped calm me down.

It was autumn now and the park was a lot emptier than it was a week ago. This place used to be packed, but now, all that's left is a random jogger, a couple of nannies talking to each other and a bunch of hyperactive kids running circles. I guess the cold keeps a lot of people away, but that's okay, that's what I wanted anyway. People make me anxious, the fewer the people, the better.

West Brookbanks Park - a beautiful parcel of land brimming with red, orange and yellow foliage. Most of it was a trail and trees, but there was also a jungle-gym in there too with a swing set, a slide, and a water-fountain that worked during the summer for the kids. Parents loved taking their kids here during the summer, so I'm glad it's not summer anymore. Never liked the warm - no sir! I'd take the brisk air and a warm jacket any day.

I check my watch. 3:35pm. Perfect. That means that any second now, she'll be here...and there she is, right on time. Nancy.

Nancy is a girl I know from a few years back who lives around here. Blonde, long hair, blue eyes; pretty much my dream girl. Big smile and a warm heart. Cute from a distance and adorable up close. Seeing her always makes me smile.

And today, it looks like she was playing hide-and-seek with her friends at the park.

Perfect.

"On the count of thirty!" said one of the brats. "Two...Three..."

And the other kids scattered, but I only had eyes for Nancy.

"Six...Seven..."

But I already knew where Nancy was going. She ran in straight lines and she had short legs. She was headed to the old park maintenance building, which had been abandoned since last year due to budget cuts.

"Nineteen..."

And there she was, huddled up inside a crevice in the wall, huffing out big, puffy clouds.

"Okay Ruff, do your thing," I said as I let go of the leash.

Ruff was a golden retriever puppy that I had been training for two weeks. He's programmed to do two things: 1) track Nancy's scent and 2) act cute. Today, he was absolutely killing it.

"Puppy!" gasped Nancy as she started cuddling him.

Good boy. Okay, show time.

"Hey! Sorry, he got away from me," I said as I ran up to Nancy. I approached her and she didn't even so much as blink. Dogs - truly man's best friend. She obviously didn't suspect a thing.

Perfect.

"Is he yours!?" Nancy asked as she looked up at me, bright and blue eyes. Yes, yes he was mine.

"Yup," I said as I took a knee to level with her.

"What's his name?" she asked

"Ruff," I replied.

"Ruff!" she parroted happily as Ruff acted cute.

Things were going so well.

"Well, Ruff and I have to go now," I said as I took the leash from her.

"Aww," she pouted.

"I've got a whole bunch of puppies just over there," I said, pointing to the parking lot. "Ruff got away from me, but if you want to come see them, we can go," I suggested.

"Okay!" Nancy readily agreed.

Kids are way too trusting.

"All right then, let's go," I said as I took her hand and led her away.

Mission Accomplished.

Slowly I turned - step by step, inch by inch. Freeze. Don't breathe. My heart is pounding in my ears. I am afraid to blink in case he hears my lashes move through the air. I crouch down. Slowly. These things must be done delicately. I take a deep, slow breath as quietly as I can, and I take another step forward. The prey is above me. It stirs. I freeze.  I will have to travel a vast distance in less than a second. I have prepared for this my entire life. 

The clock is about to strike the witching hour. The rewards are priceless if I can do this. He is a creature of habit, and I wait for it. Any second now, he will make the fatal mistake that will bring me my victory. 

The clock strikes, he reacts, and I soar through the air defying gravity and other laws of the universe. The timing is perfect. The landing is on target. His hand moved away from scratching at the precise moment. The target was exposed, and I landed with my entire weight and unsheathed claws directly on his scrotum.

The scream and violently writhing that ensued lifted me into the stratosphere of ecstasy as I gracefully flipped and landed effortlessly on the carpet and away from any danger. I quickly slipped under the bed as he screamed my name and shouted profanities.

My victory is sweet. I tuck my head under my paw, wrap my tail around me, and sleep. Tomorrow night, I will hunt again. My prey is a creature of habit, and my skill has been honed to perfection. Some day, he may escape, but it won't be any time soon. Till then.