Betrayal is our picture, face down in a drawer.

It's my Facebook page, with no trace of you.

It's your name on my lips in a stranger's bed.

It's the bad choices we've made,

it's what we do.

Betrayal is the 29th day of April.

It's that fear that sent you running far away.

It's the shattered pieces of every single

promise that you broke.

It's the keys you left after you swore to stay.

Betrayal is your phone and all your secrets.

It's a safety measure, never give love your all.

It's your need for validation, it's ego, it's fear.

It's your foolish pride, it'll go when you fall.

Betrayal is my old house on the corner.

It's pulling you

down

while I

fall

into

madness

Betrayal is the match I lit blowing up my life.

It's the reckless, restless ways

we run from sadness.

Betrayal is the last letter you wrote me.

It's a binder full of prettily worded lies.

It's building me up, knowing

You'll knock me right back down.

It's the cold, unfeeling ice in your blue eyes.

Betrayal is the longest day without you.

It's another sleepless night all alone.

You used to wake me from my nightmares.

Betrayal is my heart turning to stone.

Betrayal is a dirt road in the desert.

It's my name on your lips in a stranger's bed.

It's our passions colliding

in the backseat of my car.

It's my fear you'd feel relief if I was dead...

Betrayal is a shot of cinnamon whiskey.

It's fanning flames never meant to burn.

It's being left to clean a mess

I didn't make alone.

It's my own damn fault, I never fucking learn.

Betrayal is that empty house we'd visit.

It's pushing too far past your comfort zone.

It's my legs around your waist,

it's your mouth fused to mine.

It's a Texas girl with no demons of her own.

Betrayal is the way I felt protected.

It's the trust I blindly gave you like a fool.

It's the secrets that I told you

in the middle of the night.

It's the ugly way we both tend to get cruel.

Betrayal is planning for the future.

You made it crystal clear just where I stand.

It's forbidden lust awakened then abandoned.

It's a one way ticket to Texas in your hand.

Betrayal is a frozen margarita.

It's a party, a river, a cookout, it's all so fun.

It's my makeup, it's your cat shirts,

it's our phony plastic smiles.

It's the hateful, ungrateful ways

we're both searching for numb.

Betrayal is a vow made on a cell phone.

It's a snapchat sent, hoping you'll come back.

It's sitting around waiting for a call

that doesn't come.

It's the passive aggressive ways we both attack.

Betrayal is a promise of forever.

It's the ghost of your hand

sliding up my thigh.

Betrayal's what we give,

it's how we've always lived.

We'll betray the ones who love us

until we die.

In the early morning hours

where the sky is still dark and 

my house lays quiet I 

hear snippets of your voice. Sounds

like running water. Waves

colliding with cement pillars through 

radio static. I cannot piece them 

together. 

They are two large forces 

unapologetically existing

just existing too close. 

The same way your body existed 

a little too close to a bridge 

and water.

In reality I am not sure if the bridge 

is over a lake

or part of an ocean. 

I do not know where your soul 

left your body I just know that you

are not alive anymore.

Your voice does not exist outside of my memory. 

My best friend told me that memories are different every time we recall them.

Chris, did I once know more about you than what I remember?

Did I lose you in the water too?

I want the water to give back what it stole from me. 

She does not love you as much as I do. 

A cat has got your tongue.

It's feral teeth rip at your composure,

as sharpened claws leave your words shredded,

dangling from your lips

like scraps of skin.

That muscle of speech,

now spastic,

has lost all control,

captured and caught in the kitty's clamped jaws.

As you struggle and stutter and speed on through,

I can't help but smugly smirk.

The cat cannot catch me.