at bay

the darkness in my head

oh, it's there

clinging to the walls

and sticking to the floors

my brain tends

to expand under my skull

thoughts wanting to burst out

one dabbing against the next

yes, at times it's a bit claustrophobic

my dark isn't a "she"

or a "he"

it's... loud

screaming 24/7 ...but by now,

and so many years that have passed

I found a way to control the madness

I trained it

so it only bites me and scrapes at my skin

when I let it... and it takes every opportunity to do so

but it is a price I have to pay

in order to keep it at bay

it doesn't always work

at times like these when my problems

are bigger than my possibilities

I struggle... and I lose

my darkness takes me

and I let it

but then I know that reality rules

on its own terms

so I stop it and focus on the little things

so the big ones don't crash me...

because as others say to me

you have to be an adult about it

you have to be mature...

so I try and play my adult role

and every day put on a show

because life moves on...

even if you stop and fall...

yes, there is darkness in my head...

but only because outside is the light

I just haven't found it yet