From Whence He Came
If only
I could gaze into liquid pools
of your bottomless eyes,
see the dusk of your shadow
knowing you are part of me.
If only
I could tell you I want to wrap
you inside me in gossamer threads,
your heart beat in time with mine,
could feel your body caress mine.
If only
Layered in fluidity of your words
I could feel your love lingering
with me in cushioning warmth,
a forever radiance I could grasp,
clutching forever in a corner of
my skin with you filling my pockets.
If only
Without tasting your essence,
I could savor your soul in droplets
of passion lingering on my tongue,
hold your memory zippered inside.
If only
I could feel you beside me, breathing,
cherished thoughts of what we shared
before you return from whence you came,
while I remain here, alone, yearning for you.
cold wet earth slipping through my fingers.
500.
seconds pass by
turning to minutes
each moving on to hours
then a full day
weeks gradually fly by
which bring on a new month.
oh my goodness!
time sure does go by so fast,
but with every time that passes
i miss you—
so much that I wish I could
just snap my fingers and you’d be
right here by my side-
and If i were to say by how much
you are missed
I think it would be greater than
500 times any number
a positive number/digit
and count that point on
till the next number aft’r that &
then the one after that one ‘n’ so...
you’ll see how
great You’re~
missed..
#500.
s o m e t i m e s . . .
sometimes
i wake up
at night
alone
scared
and missing you
craving your touch
craving you
but only
sometimes
often i go back and forth
between liking you
and hoping you fall off the face of the Earth
other times i'm somewhere in the middle
and that makes sense to me
because i never had you
so how could i have lost you
thats what i think
but only sometimes
i miss being able
to want you
i miss us hiding the truth
but showing each other flashes
of it
i miss knowing
my positioning with you
i miss you
but only
sometimes
i'm sorry that it wasn't supposed
to happen
i'm sorry i didn't see
why
it wouldn't work
i'm sorry
i pushed you
but only
sometimes
i don't talk because
everything i want
to say
i know i can't
but i still wish
i could say it anyway
i want to talk
really talk
to you
but only
sometimes
did you know
that i imagine
a reality
where
neither of us
is scared
neither of us
is confused by
the other
but also
neither of us
wants the other
but only
sometimes
i still have hope
that what fell apart
never really did
just cracks waiting
to be filled
by having
the other one
i wonder if you
think about that too
but only
sometimes
In Our Laboratory
as you’ve turned to go home
we will burn standing once
too close to the scope
your hand as if still
cupped beneath
my collar bone
to catch the beat
with seismographs
or so you’d thought
for whatever ears
feigned not to hear
too faint a pulse
standing ever
so near... louder
and it’s all too clear
our radiographs
will last reveal
whomsoever
the eyes
would try
to conceal
in the
not so
distant
future
of the
Hubble
from which
you evaluate
me back...
as a shrink
in a petri dish
blue and green
like your favorite
aging cheese...
with microscopic
semitransparency waiting
to return someday the
stethoscopic favor
around your neck...
to the death my friend
or for whenever
we’ll need it
again...
#missingsomeone #challenge
without
at times my heart cracks open and I bleed
until my tears run dry
the realization of how much I miss you
hitting me with double force
and those moments
when I forget,
I forget to remember you
as if you were never gone
present somewhere near
but never leaving a trace
nothing touchable
yet comforting
as if you were still here
I miss you
I wish you were still here
so I could say it out loud
to you
not just to the wind in my heart
I miss you
maybe you heard me this time
...
My father.
“Do you miss him?” They ask.
“No,” I tell them.
Because it’s the truth
Isn’t it?
Yet....
Yet,
Why then?
Why do I find my eyes linger
On a group of family?
Watching
As their father holds them up.
And
There’s a slight
Ache in my heart.
Why do I find myself
Wondering
Thinking
About how it would be
If he was here.
Then there’s time
Those rare calls
That go past long hours
And I find
A smile sneaking on my face.
And those times
Where I’m with a group of friends
that moment
Where I have to correct them
“...No, my father doesn’t live with us,”
Anymore.
And I feel like tears are threatening
To fall
Down.
And—
I just hate it so much.
There’s no more bitter feelings
No more pain
Just that—
A thought
Of him.
And I feel like
There’s something
Always
Off
In my life.
Maybe it’s just denial
Just feeling of upset that follows
Or... the way I learned to cope with
Things like this.
“Do you miss him,” They ask.
I stop for a second and then I answer..
“No,” yes.
Strange
It is strange now, to walk all alone when not so
Long ago I was holding your hand and you
Were walking along my side, laughing and talking about
your day, your work and the things you find
beautiful.
It is strange now, because walls still whisper your name
And all the rooms still remember you and your scent,
And things you left and things you gave and things you lost here
still carry your name which echoes amidst a broken man.
It is strange now, because you are one phone call away,
one message away, one picture away.
You are my forbidden fruit, my chain, my freedom, my cure, my addiction,
My victory and my defeat,
And the only thing I can do now is to pray for patience and pray for oblivion,
to ride out this storm and at last
be at peace.