Your smell still lingers on the sheets.

I Know that I am to be married in a week’s time. I know that if the duke found out he’d kill not only you but me too. We’d been doing this since we were 16. I knew when we first met, I wanted to spend my whole life with you. But you were from the other kingdom. We had plans to runaway, but then Father said he wanted to marry me off And that sort of ruined our plans.

The preparations for wedding had begun. But I can’t let you go. I wish you didnt have to leave every morning. I wish that we could go somewhere else.

Seeing you last night had been a surprise. I thought you’d be busy this week. But when I saw you clinb through the window, my heart pounded and I couldn’t contain my excitement. We talked for a while, before laying in bed.

This morning you were gone. With only your scent left on the sheets.

I sighed and prepared myself for the day. But when I went downstairs, I was met with my Father’s angry stare.

“You disgust me.“ he Said. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me outside, to where I saw you, bloodied and bruised, held back by guards. You met my gaze.

I started to plead with Father, told him to let you go but he refused. He simply said “Kill him.“

I screamed. I couldnt let you go. You are my best friend, my lover, one I hoped one day to be my husband.

I tried to fight the guard but he was stronger. And you were too beaten up. The guard plunged the knife into your chest. I heard you mutter my name. My heart felt as if someone had torn it apart like it was paper.

“EMILIANA. Stop this nonsense now! You are to marry the Duke, not some scum from the enemy’s kingdom.“ My father yelled.

“No! No, this isn’t what I want.... I’ll never marry him!” Before he could stop me, I grabbed the knife and put it through my very own chest. I felt the blood start to seep down my dress. My head felt dizzy. I heard you groan in protest. But I fell, lying next to you. Your brown eyes were the last thing I saw.

forbidden...is it forbidden to love the ones you know are only going to bring you heartbreak?

Is it worth the pain just to know that you were loved and you loved someone else?

Is the risk worth it?

My thoughts drifted as I walked down the dark cobblestoned floors of the jail. The water dripping from the cracks in the ceilings brought the smell of rain into the underground jail.

I saw the lilac fabric of her dress before I saw her...

Sitting with another woman in the cell she focused all of her attention on the small window that gave the people inside just the smallest of views of the world they were being barred from.

I designed this place. I knew every nook and cranny of this place. Every placement of every stone and bar. It was a place I designed to slowly break down someone's spirit. The spirits of those who had broken down others.

Unlocking the door I called for her. Her name on my lips felt like a blow to my heart.

"Delilah Thomas, please stand." Formality stiffened my words and stilled my face to stone. Even as she jumped to her feet and hope pushed past the despair and fear that clouded her hazel eyes. As she pushed back her knotted and messy hair from her face, the shackles on her wrist clinking together as she moved towards me to talk my hand, when all I wanted to do was take her and pull her into my arms...all I could do was step out of the doorway and motion for her to step in front of me.

"Theo...?"

"Please make your way out of the cell and down the hallway." I saw her step back from the cell's doorway. "If you don't come willingly I will be forced to remove you."

"Please, Delilah..don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

The sound of her shoes against the cobblestone grated against my ears like someone dragging metal on metal.

*******

Sunlight hit her face and lit up her hair giving her a halo. Every strand of her hair visible in the light and every slow movement she made visible.

My superior took her arm and led her towards the platform.

Unable to move as I stood guard next to it my heartbeat filled my ears and sweat slid down the sides of my torso.

Trumpets sounded.

Turning my head up I saw her staring at me as they tightened the noose around her neck.

"Delilah Thomas, you have been sentenced to hang until dead for the murder of your fiance Frederick Jackson. Do you have any last words?"

Her eyes pierced into me and cut through my stoic fear like a knife. "I am innocent.......I...Je t'aime."

The lever went down.

She dropped from my sight and the bright sunny sky filled my vision.

A muffled voice broke through the focused haze that clouded my head.

"...you remebered where you stand."

No, it's not

We grew up together, practically sister and brother-like. Daddy carried on, Mother sat lookin' pretty, but Gertrude nursed us both. Tobias called her Momma and I did too, 'til Daddy told me not to do it no more, said, "That white woman sittin' on that couch? That's your Momma, and you know it. Ain't never want you callin' no black ‘momma’, hear?" I didn't understand why Tobias couldn't go to school with me, but I shared everything I learnt. Daddy didn't like that. Said we couldn't talk together no more. Soon, Tobias had his own work in the field with the other negroes. We'd still sneak and meet sometimes, though.

As I got older, I understood. Tobias was a slave, too. His Papa was out there workin' hard as he could and gettin' whipped when he couldn't. Wasn't fair atall. They was people too. One time, I was walkin' in the field, heard Tobias say, "'Twas a accident, Master," but Daddy wasn't listenin'. Got to fussin', cussin' and whippin'. Couldn't believe my eyes. "Stop it, Daddy! Leave my best friend alone!" Didn't realize how loud I was 'til he shot me a look like he was fixin' to whip me next. In the house, he slapped me clean ’cross the face, told me never to call a negro my 'best friend'.

Next day when we met, I told Tobias I was runnin' away, wanted him to come along. "Won't help anyways much if I did. Master's just gon' bring out the ol' hound dog, get ta sniffin' an' shoot me down," he said, "Besides, the whippin' don't hurt much." I could tell he was lyin', but his smile was just enough to keep me from runnin' away.

Pitty we didn't run ‘cause, soon as we got back, Daddy was over there threatenin' to hang Tobias' Papa. I'd never seen Tobias so mad in his life. "Don't do nothin' you gonna regret, now! Hear?" I warned, but that boy took off runnin' faster than a scalded haint. “You got no right. He ain’t done nothin’ wrong!” he growled, but Daddy just carried on fussin’. “Hears what I said?” Tobias spoke up. “Get back, son. Master knows what he’s talkin’ ‘bout,” Papa stated. Daddy turnt to Tobias, sayin’ “You best leave me and your Pa alone ‘fore I hang you, too.” “Guess ya gon’ have to, ‘cause I ain’t lettin’ ya hang my Pa,” Tobias’ lips was shakin’, and his eyebrows was mad. Daddy slapped him, but Tobias just stood there starin’ him down. “Said, get back, boy!” Papa shouted. Daddy turnt to Papa, but Tobias grabbed his shoulder, turnt him back around. “Listen when I’s talkin’, boy,” he said sternly. My Daddy was red as a beet fixin’ to pitch a dyin’ duck fit. “How dare you call me ‘boy’, boy?”

Daddy rode off wit ‘em both and I never seen ’em again. I pray to the good Lord every night that maybe they’re alive somehow, but I’m sure they both was hanged.

It wasn’t so long ago in history’s great scheme, but it was another era. It was a time before computers, before mobile phones, or electric cars. MTV reigned supreme, and Ronald Reagan was rebuilding America, and the world, with a Hollywood smile and a “Star Wars” plan.

It has been thirty-five years ago now, but the first time I saw her was one of those unforgettable moments in life when lightning strikes. If you are fortunate, you will attract one of those strikes at least once in your life. A strike caused by a girl, a girl who charges the very air you breathe with strawberry hair, a white bikini, and naive, child-like eyes that pull you into their intricate web of curiousities. Unforgettable are those few moments and people throughout our lives who inspire our pulse to race to new and dangerous speeds. They record themselves, those moments. Our eyes record them, then we set them aside to be pulled from the shelf like a VHS tape. We pull them down on those late nights when the booze has been unkind. We return to them when the loneliness becomes insufferable, and we dust off their jackets before we pop them into the outdated, balky machine that is our memory.

On those nights, like grainy home movie images we see her again. We see her walking towards us through the brassy, beachy sunlight. We see it reflect like halos from her hair, and her eyes. We see an angel on earth, an apparition, a being not meant for our world. We see a smile though that is sent down from heaven for us, and only for us. In that moment she was ours, and we could not but love her. We would love her despite the costs.

We cannot now remember the timber of her voice, but we remember its words. We cannot remember the way she felt in our hands, but we remember that it was good. We cannot recall exactly how it all ended, but we remember why. That we cannot forget.

Our moments alone were few. We were tethered loosely apart by golden rings and promises. Those moments were frantic, passionate times... yes, they were passionate indeed. It is the passion that will not let us forget. Thirty years and it lingers yet. How do we forget a lightening’s strike?

I saw them once, after that summer. Their young daughter was sweet, and she might have had my eyes.

“Georgia, you sure are the prettiest gal I ever did see.”

“Stop yo’ nonsense, Master Thomas,” Georgia said. “Yo mama be whuppin’ us both she see you up on me.”

“My mama can’t see us out here in the field, Georgia gal,” Thomas said, sliding closer to Georgia.

“Master Thomas, you best be getting back up to the house so I can work. I ain’t got time for no games. We ain’t children no more. Things is different now.”

“You sure got that right, Georgia gal,” Thomas said, grabbing hold of her and pulling her body flush with his. “You sure nuf ain’t no child.” His right hand grasped her full, firm 17-year-old breast.

“Master Thomas! My mama done warned me ’bout menfolk. Please don’t,” she said, though not giving much effort to pull away.

“Don’t fight it, Georgia gal. I been wantin’ you feels like all my life,” Thomas said, kissing her neck, hands slowly turning her to face him.

“But it ain’t right. You be takin’ what you want and leavin’ me with my heart broke, no man wantin’ what you already done had and maybe wit’ some baby I can’t feed.”

“Ain’t got to be that way, Georgia gal,” Thomas said, softly against her lips.

“What you mean? Ain’t like you be marryin’ some negro gal that work yo daddy’s fields. I wants me a man who gonna stand by me and take care of me and my chilluns. You ain’t that man, Master Thomas,” Georgia said, trying to pull away.

“I loves you, Georgia gal. I gots to have you,” he said, pulling her to him, pressing his open lips to hers.

“Oh, Tommy boy,” she moaned. And was lost.

***

“Georgia, you have something you wanna tell me?” Mother Sheffield asked.

“No, Mama,” Georgia replied.

“Child, I know you better than you know yourself. Who you been lyin’ with? Yo’ baby gonna be needin’ a daddy.”

Georgia stopped sweeping and looked at her mother. “What baby, Mama?”

“Georgia, you ain’t had your monthly in three months.”

“Oh, Mama, no,” Georgia said, dropping the broom and covering her face. “There ain’t no daddy.”

“Ain’t no woman since Mary had no baby without some man puttin’ it in her. Who is it? I don’t see you favoring nobody. Richard? Samuel?”

“No, ma’am. I ain’t lyin’. I ain’t layin’ with no man.” She paused. “Master Thomas was just lovin’ on me. He said he was gonna take care of me. That he could. That I would be his woman. ’Cause this was his land and no one was gonna tell him he couldn’t.”

“Oh, Georgia,” Mother Sheffield sighed, sitting down hard in a chair by the fire.

“But his mama sent him away when he told her he wanted to have me in the house. He said he would take me wit’ him. But he left without me. Talk is he gonna marry some chit with land in Carolina.

“So there ain’t no daddy, Mama. Just me.”

I caught a glimpse of you shirtless after a hard days word pounding away with your hammer at the sharp, durable steel. Embers dance all around sweat tumbling on your spine. You turn, and we lock eyes.

“Rose,” my mother calls me my moment with you etched into my brain all evening. After supper, my mother drew a bath lilac and rosemary from the garden float on top.

While my mother combs my hair, I think of you again. And I can't help but let by hand brush against my sacred part my mother would refer to. She tells me of when I'll become a woman. I am only 13 and have not encountered a male.

Sensation creeps inside the middle of me my belly feels like small creatures occupy it.

“Rose you will meet Bishop tomorrow.”

She cannot see where my hands are in this cloudy substance.

“Rose! Did you hear me.”

“Yes, mother.”

As I lay tonight, I imagine you standing by the oak tree — the one where everyone decides to consumate. I've seen several girls my age go into the night a young girl as myself and leave a woman.

I once saw my mother on her knees with the tailer. I let my mind wonder else where why would she be on her knees why would one feel pleasure down on the knees in the cold earth.

The moon keeps me up restless I toss and turn until I finally leave my bed. From my window, I can see someone. It's you; my heart knocking at my ribs.

If my mother has any idea of my actions, she will send me away. She's already sending me away with Bishop. I don't feel this hot liquid roll down my legs when I close my eyes and let my hands touch me. I don't crave him the way I starve for you.

“Rose?” Your voice meets me halfway.

“Yes?” my heart thudding.

“I had to see you I’m sorry; my heart led me where my feet knew I shouldn't go.”

“Why have you not come sooner? It is dark and my mother will wake”

“I couldn’t resist you your eyes spoke in a way your lips could not.” Your swallowed by the dark.

“I am truly sorry I just—” your sigh you let out makes my blood hot and the small hairs shoot up all over.

“Will you meet me here tomorrow?” The words run across my tongue.

Your face goes red when you leave the darkness. Your smile melts my flesh. I stand on the tip of my toes to transfer a kiss on your cheek.

“Goodbye” The words leave your lips.

I go return to my home.

“What’s—” your gone fully into the night.

In an instant I shoot up sweat dazzled on my forehead. It was a dream of you one I have every night. I never ask your name.

Forbidden it was by the king that said

"Those in red, you shall hate"

For the king was law

But not the master of my fate

Oh no, only gods had that power

And with me they played

For at the river, a girl in red I met

And to her eyes a slave I was made

Of course she ran away

For my garments were of blue

But from a single look we birthed love

As young romantics often do

When the moon lit our path

We met regardless of the threat

For our love was on par

With that of Romeo and Juliet

Full of hope in our oppressed cause

We prayed to the divinity

That they would help sort the laws

Better than they helped Antigone

he, an angel,

and i, a demon.

nothing,

not god,

nor beelzebub,

could end my love for him.

he,

though not one in favor of god,

shall stay pious

to the lord he does not worship.

he could never allow himself to settle

for scum like i,

though my love for him,

is never ending.

since eden,

through noah,

through crucifixions and gallows,

through thick and thin and ice and fire,

he gives me heaven,

i promise him heaven, but put him through hell.

i, a demon,

burn my soles like my soul

returning to

him, an angel,

my angel,

though not his demon.

Every day I watch you from a far, always new.

I know I shouldn't approach you, if I do it has to be quick and fast.

Your wafting smell only entices me more.

The way your crusty layers form your perfect figure makes me shiver.

Never knowing the flavor of your insides makes me question my existence.

I know one day, you will be the death of me.

But I don't care.

As I fly towards you I make sure my passage is clear.

Drawing near, I lose myself in your scent.

My attentions are compelled.

Smack.

I've been crippled.

Staring at the beautiful blue skies above I contemplate my own demise.

Is this the end for me?

A small faint wind blows and gifts my battered little wings flight.

Carpe Diem!

My tiny soul lives to try another day.

Her wires intertwine my fingers

I feel her circuitry under mine

Her modem curves beneath me

Her cool metal exterior

Is warmed by my motherboards

Heated from her beauty

They said androids aren't programmed to love--

Then what am I feeling when I am with her?