Cringe-Worthy Love Story

Billy-Bob approached Billi-Jean

He had been plucking up the courage to do this for two years.

Now he was eighteen, he thought it was time.

He walked in a way he hoped a writer would describe as a ‘saunter’. But really, it was a lollop, He also was unaware that a dribble of snot was trickling from his nose onto his philtrum, just above his upper lip.

Billi-Jean looked up as she heard Billy-Bob stumble over a large piece of stone on the dusty path.

Billi-Jean blushed.

“Gosh,” she thought,

“I hope Billy-Bob doesn’t come to ask me out now, of all times, after all these years. I’ve just bloody broken wind and it smells like a fruit curry!”

Bill-Bob looked over to Billi-Jean.

The snot trickled slowly.

“Hey, Billi-Jean.”

“Hey Billy-Bob.”

“Y’know I’ve liked the look of you for these past years.”

“Yeah. I thought so.”

Billy-Bob’s heart skipped.

“Well. Would you like to go out with me.”

Billi-Jean smiled.

“Sure.”

They stepped closer, lips puckered, then touched tentatively.

Just as the snot trickled over Billy-Bob’s top lip and into their kiss.

But Billi-Jean didn’t care, because she was in heaven.

As she sighed, she broke wind again.

And the lovers were engulfed in the warmth of her fruit curry smell.