i wish i could forget

the look in your eyes

as you screamed at me

that you wanted me to die.

i wish i could forget

the expression on your face

as you shook your head

and you called me a disgrace.

i wish i could forget

the edge in your tone

when you blocked my number

from the contacts in your phone.

i wish i could forget

the troubles you've brought,

as you left me to fester

alone with my thoughts.

i wish i could forget you

as you've caused me so much strife-

i wish that you had never even

entered in my life.

but should i have forgotten

and left you on the shelf?

or did these problems that you make

help me learn anout myself?

i guess i'll never truly know

if you were good for me

but all i have to say

is please, just leave me be.

I wish I could smash my head

against this wall

enough times

to scramble the memories

Of you and me.

I wish I could

cut into my skin enough

to suppress the pain

you put me through.

I wish I could

peel you off my skin

but your hands are permanently tattooed

on my once smooth skin.

I wish I could forget

all the nights the sun faded

and the monster inside of you

rose.

I wish I could forget

the feeling of

terror seizing

My everything.

My muscles

Numb

My heart

Too terrified to beat

My eyes

Too scared

To shed my fear.

I was a glistening

Statue...

And you a sculptor

chipping into my soul

Like I was yours to own.

I wish I could forget

what you did to me

But instead

I forgot

That You were once

a human I used to love.

Paper-white parchment, awash in black

Heartstrings, unraveled, to tie the sack

Buried where springtime awakes lilac

Past out the window — no looking back

Saliferous tears scream and break the

panes

Ventriloquial pitch seeping violet veins

Shift, shape and spell out each, spilled like grains

Recollecting ‘forgotten’ thoughts, each refrain

A caravan of memories

Blurred by abundance of passing time

travels through my mind

constant, without any ease.

Whenever the push is more

I cocoon myself in desperation.

Isolating and crying over it

Sometimes cherished by its fragrance

But lately I'm in lose,

far from any radiance.

Always despised the idea

of being in it.

But life has peppers and salts

It would drive my caravan

Just like the passing time

Without sugars, candies or a drink of wine.

Do they reside in me

or I reside in them?

Either way I'm living

not ideal

Firstly, building my own caravan

Later being crushed under its wheels.

I don’t pay you to think.

Optimism is foolish.

People are terrible.

The world is going to shit.

You won’t succeed if you do it that way.

If it’s fun it isn’t work.

Appearance is everything.

There’s no way that’s possible.

You’re not going to make a difference so why even try?

Keep your head down.

Don’t make waves.

i wish i could forget this place.

this box of grief i have to embrace.

i wish i could forget the way rays

played off my daughter's face

moments before the car howled

and my darling breathed her final hour.

i wish i could forget how easy

it would be to die.

one wrong step

and i could greet her again.

i'd greet death like an old friend.

but life is a choice we have to make at

the beginning of the day.

it's as easy as breathing for some

but this box sleeps on my chest at night

and its so fucking hard to breathe.

i wish i could forget the choice i have to make

at the peak of morning light

where i will find find no semblance of peace

unless i am bathed in white.

I wish I could forget that I was happy once; that I could feel emotions. I wish I could forget the adrenaline rush after winning a badminton match; the regret I'd feel on finishing second in class. I remember being absorbed in the magical world of books. That is a distant memory now. If only I could forget.