I know you'll never get this letter. But I wanted to say thank you. And I miss you.

I'm being melodramatic, I know. It's only been a couple of days. But it's not like that for me. It's been years.

Only now, when you're away, do I have the strength to say this: I've been waiting for you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. From that day we met two years ago, I wanted to know you. I wanted to spend every simple second with you.

It never mattered what we were doing, only if you were there.

Maybe it seemed like nothing to you. I almost hope it did. I always hope it didn't.

Don't you understand that I've never felt this way? Don't you understand this sinking feeling, this beautiful, wrong, perpetual, ugly feeling?

No, I guess you wouldn't understand. Nevermind, you shouldn't. I don't expect you to love me back.

So. How have you been, without me? Is it even any different?

The crumpled note flew through the air and hit the rim of the trash can.

It bounced, then fell onto the ground.

No one moved to pick it up.

“The person you are trying to contact is currently unavailable, please try again later or leave a message.”

“Hey... I just wanted to ask how you’ve been. Since the break up.

I wanted to ask since... it’s been hard for me.

And I wanted to know how you are... without me...

I’ve been walking on hot coals with every waking moment.

I don’t mean to guilt you into anything but I just...

Didn’t want you to be feeling the same.

Sorry for wasting your time...

Call me back...

Goodbye.”

I hung up the phone, clearing my throat in an attempt to clear the lump that had grown there.

I slid down the wall, trying to contain my tears.

The phone dangled from my fingers, my arms lain across my kness that were pulled to my chest.

My voice kept breaking while I was talking, mostly because I was almost eager to hear his reply.

Because I wondered how he had been without me.

How have you been?

Is it better without me?

Have you finally moved on?

Is it everything you dreamed it would be?

Tell me honestly, how have you been without me?

How have you been, without me?

I watch you when everything else becomes tiresome,

when all the gold seems like guilt,

when all the glitter is on the ground,

when there is nothing else to see,

I watch you miss me.

how did you know

it was going to be

this painful

have you been

through this

before

you didn't seem

like yourself

lately

been acting like

someone crazy

but

without you

I know

it will only be

me,

myself,

and I

Without you I feel like I'm falling

Falling down, falling backwards, falling to pieces

Anything but falling out of love

Without you I feel lost

Lost in my head, lost in the sea, lost in life

Just not lost in your eyes

Without you I feel broken

Broken-hearted, broken beyond repair, broken and shattered

I just wish I could be broken in your arms

Through all this time

Through all this pain

I've just had one question:

How have you been, without me?

"I know I'm just a burden,

And you didn't want me,

So I left a while ago.

I don't expect you to text me back,

I just wanted to ask how have you been,

...without me"

Send

That's all I am,

A burden.

Not worth enough to look for,

Not useful enough to help look.

Just,

Trapped.

Laying on the bed,

Teardrops turning into pools,

Pools turning into oceans,

Until I'm drowning in my own emotions.

"I know you've been fine without me,

But I'm not fine alone."

I wish that you kept me around.

how has it been?

how has it felt,

with the empty space beside you

not pulsing with my

energy and love?

how has it been,

being alone and

not worrying about something

else you know you shouldn't?

how has it felt?

because i know

that everytime i think

of the empty space

where you used to be

a grieving pulse sounds aloud

i know that

being alone

isn't something i like to revisit

i still worry about you

even if you don't worry about me

i wonder often

how you've been,

without me,

but i'll leave you be

if that's what you want

i guess i'll leave you be

even if it hurts me still

i'll leave you be and let it go

hope you're happy, even

without me

i'll still wonder,

from time to time,

the question i don't

want the answer to -

how have you been, without me?

How have you been, without me?

I've seen you in the halls. You look happy. I knew you never needed me, I knew you could go on without damage.

Even though I struggled to move on after what you did, I'm still glad that you are content. I hope he treats you better, I hope you give him a chance. One you never gave to me because of who I was. I hope you grow up and realize your mistakes.

How have you been, without me? Oh, don't worry I'm doing just fine

I haven't thought about you once, or even a hundred times.

The songs I hear don't remind me of you;

Not one single verse, or note, or line.

Our favorite restaurant doesn't seem to tempt me

Watching other couples doesn't make me feel empty

As I stroll alone along the shoreline, you're simply

out of my mind completely.

Don't flatter yourself; I've started anew

In the rearview, the dust has erased you

Without you I'm complete; completely broken

Broken-hearted, I am without you.