ADDICTIONS (Excerpt)

I decided I wanted to get to know Jesus one Saturday in May as I waited in the barber shop for Malcolm and Andrew to get edged up. It was crowded and I sat in a corner listening to the men small talk. I did not like the place – too busy with kids squirming around and eruptions of laughter from all over. The barbers gestured with combs to make their point, some men leapt to their feet (the ones who waited), to make theirs. I was uncomfortable around people other than my family. I never knew where to look or what to do. I could hear Mama in my head telling me that people would think I was crazy, so I made sure not to look at anyone and sat by a small table where there were magazines with pictures to look at and started turning pages.

There was a card in one of the magazines and all you had to do was to fill it out and send in the mail to get a set of books all about Jesus. The postage was paid and I put it in the mailbox on the way out. We had a Bible at home but I didn’t understand it – even though I had vowed to read it over and over again. Each time I started I got stuck in Genesis. It made no sense to me that Eve could be blamed for so much just because she wanted to taste a fruit. Why was Adam such a pitiful excuse so that Eve had to get all the punishment? I pictured God as Mama, I was Eve trying to know about things and get a little taste of life and Malcolm was clueless Adam who was favored, did what he wanted and suffered no consequences. Just thinking about it too long burned me up inside.

The very next Saturday we were fanning ourselves with the windows open – sitting around when the doorbell rang. It was me, Mama, Andrew, Malcolm, Aunt Dee-Dee and little Andre being a family. Malcolm looked out the window and ducked his head back in. Daddy had been dead since February and Malcolm thought it was his duty to be up in everything when he was home. He had to open the door, he had to take out the trash, he had to speak to Mama on the side when she yelled at Andre too much or got mad at me for day dreaming so much that I burnt the food for dinner. All that conferring with Mama got on my last nerve.

“It’s a man say he come because somebody wants some books about Jesus.” Without a word everyone turned to look at me. If it was about books then I was the one.

“Sister, you know about this?”

I nodded. Mama waited.

“I sent in a card for some books to tell me about Him.”

Mama sighed.

“Malcolm go let the man in.”

Malcolm went downstairs.

“Sister, I can’t fault you none about wanting to know about Jesus. That’s good. But you need to let me know when you do things like this.” She was shaking her head all this time because she was feed up and tired. Since Daddy died there was nothing that any of us could do to please her. Except Malcolm. She saved her smiles for when she held Little Andre –he made her happy. I nodded and sat down waiting for the man to get upstairs. Seemed like it took him a year.

When he entered the room, breathing hard, we were all surprised. Malcolm helped him climb up because the bottom half of his body was all twisted and his arms were in braces. He had a big long head with pretty curly hair and mouth full of gleaming white teeth. He wore a dark suit like he had just been to church. Andrew took his fingers out of his mouth and wiped them on the side of his pants knowing at some point he was going to have to shake hands. Little Andre just acted like the baby he was, not knowing he was about to meet the only daddy he would ever know. He hid his face in Aunt Dee-Dee’s bosom.

Mama stood up.

“I didn’t know you was.. didn’t know…”

The man had an easy smile, his lips gliding around his teeth like sweet molasses on pancakes.

“Mrs. Thomas?” He bowed his head in Mama’s direction.

“Yes sir.”

“That’s quite all right. I am used to climbing stairs in this neighborhood.”

I had never heard anyone speak quite like this man. His voice was rich, cultured.

“My name is Thaddeus Roberts. I came because Theodora sent in a card to receive our Bible stories series that tell children all about the heroes of the Bible, from the creation and Adam and Eve all the way to Jesus and his life.” He was still standing and heaving with the effort to get up the stairs. A small trickle of sweat was on his brow. I felt bad that Mama had not asked him to sit down yet. But as soon as I thought it she remembered.”

“Why don’t you have a seat Mr. Roberts. Sister, go get Mr. Roberts a nice glass of ice water” That was code for don’t use no plastic and fill it with a good amount of water and bring a paper towel too. I was careful to carry it back, taking baby steps because I was known to trip over my feet. I was twelve.

Mr. Roberts stayed for a while and talked to us and Mama bought the Books of the Bible on a payment plan and Malcolm read them through and I was mad at him for beating me again at something. He was sixteen and Andrew was nine and still a two finger sucker so that the bone showed through on his right second finger. Andrew also had pretty soft hair like Daddy used to have and was generally quiet in his ways except that when either Malcolm or I crossed him he would act crazy – yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs. Most of the time we let him be and so did Mama. I know she had to be still tired after dealing with Daddy because she let Andrew run wild, having fits when he wanted to and being a baby for too long.

Somehow Saturdays became a ritual. Mr. Roberts came over to sit and talk and take a glass of iced tea, reclining on the best sofa, braces on the floor next to the Basset table Mama got during the Blackout. She wanted a television but all she could get was the table and it was our living room centerpiece. No one could put anything on it, not even Malcolm. Mama hit him once when he put his feet up. But it was a playful hit and I wanted to yell at her because I knew better – if it had been me, just like when we played cards, my face would have been on the floor.

On the days when Mr. Roberts visited, my mother shooed us out of the living room trying to give Aunt Dee-Dee a crack at a husband. Malcolm came in from whatever he was doing to stand behind Mr. Roberts when he walked up the stairs, and then went outside until Aunt Dee-Dee stuck her head out the window. Then he would run in again and help Thaddeus down the narrow staircase. I do believe Mama would have let Mr. Roberts put his feet up on her Basset if he had been so inclined. She thought little Andre needed a daddy and her mind was fixed on Mr. Roberts – the man who bought Jesus books in our lives, struggled up the stairs in order to court my Aunt and was content with iced tea instead of the Pabst Blue Ribbon that my own daddy used to chug down like water. All I had to do was wait – I was sure Mama was going to get her way.

We had not had a card playing night since before Daddy got mugged and went blind and then died and left us alone in Brooklyn. I don’t know what was on Mama’s mind but she decided that it would be a good thing to have a night devoted to cards and that Thaddeus should join us. She called Lula Belle and Lula Belle’s husband, Gerald, Thaddeus and Aunt Dee-Dee. My job was to take care of little Andre and I was as mad as fire. Didn’t seem like there was a day I didn’t get mad.

Opening the door for Aunt Dee-Dee she gave me her apple check grin and thanked me for taking care of Andre so she could have some fun. When she said that I got over being angry about babysitting because I knew she worked hard at the nursing home feeding people. Sometimes she needed a break.

Thaddeus was right behind her but this time Dee-Dee helped him up the stairs and when they got to the top I saw him turn and smile at her with his white, white teeth. His smile made you forget that the bottom of him was as twisted as a tree trunk turned on its side, that he was not a straight man but a crooked one. Little Andre was walking but not good. He went up in front of them, taking forever to climb each step. The good thing was that he couldn’t really fall because they were right behind him. I decided to wait in the foyer. Lula Belle was on the way and it made no sense for me to run up and then run back down again.

Lula Belle was right on time and I opened the door before she pressed the buzzer. Perfume filled the air and when she hugged me, I closed my eyes and let her pour all over me. Both my mother and Dee-Dee were her friends and I worshipped her. After my Daddy died my mother decided her hands were not as steady as they used to be and she started sending me around the corner to Lula Belle’s bootleg shop in the basement of her house to get my hair done. Lula Belle told me that I didn’t need to get my hair straightened any more. All I needed was a wash and curl. Just like that the straightening comb disappeared from my life and that made me happy.

During the week Lula Belle didn’t do hair. She kept kids like Little Andre. Aunt Dee-Dee loved that Little Andre had a place like home to stay and that Lula Belle treated him like family. She made good stuff to eat -- collard greens, big slices of cornbread with real corn in it, and salad with lettuce and tomato Sometimes she even made caramel cake and let Little Andre bring some home in a brown bag for me and my brothers. That’s when Mama talked to us and said that we had to start calling Lula Belle ‘Aunt Lula’ on account of she didn’t have children but loved us because she loved Mama. I didn’t really understand it but Aunt Lula was good to me and made me smile whenever I saw her. If it made her feel good to pretend that we were some kin to her I didn’t see a problem with it. Malcolm thought different though. It wasn’t that he didn’t call her ‘Aunt,’ he just didn’t call her anything. But I can say that he was polite and he smiled at her and held the door if she needed it and if he saw her on the street with groceries he carried them home for her.