Hansel and Gretel vs. The Witch
"That's her! That's the witch that tried to kill us!" Cried the children as they pointed to the old woman in the courtroom. Agnes couldn't take their lies any longer.
"You little brats! I am not a witch!" she yelled as she stood up and pointed her boney finger back at them. Those little shits wouldn't get away with racking her name through the mud.
"Order! ORDER!" shouted the first red-faced judge. He wiped away the beads of sweat that were collecting at the top of his forehead. This case was getting out of control. It was now time to hear from the accused.
As the kids were escorted out of the box, they stuck their tongues out at the woman, taunting her. In response, Agnus flipped them off. She was finally going to be able to share what happened. What really happened. She didn't have much hope though. Most of the seven judges were already on the side of those punks. As she walked to the stand, she wondered when the words of children were taken more seriously than the words of adults.
"Agnes, you stand accused of being a witch. What do you have to say for yourself?" asked the second judge, with a harsh look on his face. Either he believed the children's ridiculous story or he was just plain grumpy. Perhaps a bit of both.
"Um, I'm fucking not! What else do you want me to say?!" she was getting annoyed now.
"Order! Now, the children claim that you lured them to a candy house in the middle of the woods, is this true?" yelled judge three.
"No, I have a CABIN in the woods. And no, it is not made out of candy. Do you know how impractical it would be to have a house made out of candy? It would rot and you would have to replace it all the time! Plus the number of bugs it would attract? That would be disgusting!"
"Perhaps you used your witch powers to change it back to a normal house!" accused judge six.
"What the hell? Aren't you supposed to be impartial? Who's side are you on?"
"Moving on. You're on thin ice, Agnes. The children say you enticed them into your house with the promise of food and shelter." said judge one, getting the trial back on track.
"First of all, these little kleptos broke into my house and stole from me! Does no one care about that fact?! Also, yes, I did offer them food because they said they were lost and hungry. Is it that crazy to think that I would help children out of the kindness of my heart?" asked Agnes.
"With a face like that, yes." murmured judge six. This bastard..., thought Agnes.
"Hansel says that you locked him in a cage and fattened him up to eat him, while his sister became your personal maid." accused the seventh judge.
"I made the kids clean up the mess THEY caused! They tore up my house for fuck sake! And I'm sorry, but that Hansel kid didn't need any help from me getting fat!" With that remark, the judges gasped. Shit, her fiery temper was going to be the end of her.
"Control yourself witch!" yelled judge six.
"I am not a witch you unbelievable oaf of a man!"
"ORDER!" yelled the first judge. "Now, the last claim from Hansel and Gretel is that in self-defense, they pushed you into an oven, killed you, and ran home." Agnes stared at the group of judges in disbelief.
"You have got to be kidding me?! Those punks ran off before cleaning up their mess or before eating any of the food they BEGGED me for! They also stole all my money and jewelry! It wouldn't surprise me if they were from a family of con artists. Little shits! Also, they obviously lied because I am clearly not dead!"
"You could have healed yourself with your witch powers!" said judge six, leaning back in his chair with a smug smile on his face.
"This is ridiculous! You can't be trusting the words of children!"
"Oh, but we are, Agnes. We have reached a decision. Agnes Flentch is indeed a witch and will be burned in the center of town at midnight! This trial is now over!" The seven judges got up and walked back into her chambers. Agnes sat in the witness box, looking at the children who had just won their case. They had a sick look of excitement as they made their way toward the exit of the courthouse.
She knew she should have never moved to Salem.
Dream
"Daddy, what if it doesn't work?" Charlotte stood in the teleporter as Derek attached the wire to her head.
"I've been a scientist for decades, honey. I know what I'm doing."
She brushed her blond hair out of her face. "Well, I've chewed food every day for six years, but I still bite my tongue sometimes."
That made him freeze. What if something bad did happen? This had never been done before. Never on a living creature.
Nonsense. He had chased his whole life for this. He had built his whole life on this. All the people the told him he was crazy; all the people who said he was too intense; all the people who said he didn't know when to stop: he would prove them wrong. He wasn't going to chicken out now. Charlotte would be perfectly safe. He had tested with other objects before, too. They had all come back in tact.
Derek flicked the power button and smiled. "You'll be just fine. Get ready to go to this spot, thirty years ago!"
The machine shuddered as the engine turned on. Charlotte's frown turned into a grin. "Okay, Daddy. I trust you, and you wouldn't let anything happen to me."
He pushed the button, and she was gone.
Three...two...one...
Derek pushed the second button, the one to pull her back into the present. For some reason, he was nervous. He had done this countless times with inanimate objects, why should this be any different?
And then she appeared in the teleporter.
For a second, he thought everything was okay. Until she collapsed onto the cold floor.
"Charlotte?" He knelt down and detached the wire. "Are you okay?"
Her eyes were blank.
His heartbeat quickened. "Charlotte?" He felt for her pulse, but there was none. Instantly, he started CPR. But it was no use.
After nearly thirty minutes, Derek gave up. He examined her, but nothing seemed to be wrong. She hadn't been harmed in the slightest. And yet, there she was—dead.
And then it occured to him. The electric shock that sent her through the fourth demensioin and into the past must have stopped her heart. Of course it wouldn't appear to harm an object—it wouldn't have a heart to stop.
Derek stood up. He wouldn't quit now. Not after his entire life's research was for this. He had to achieve time travel, no matter what it wook. He would fix the machine. It should be easy. He would dial down the electricity, and then try again with someone else. Perhaps it was good he tried it with his daughter first—her young, fragile heart was more seceptible to the shock, and trying it on his wife might have made the danger go unnoticed. Mistakes made you learn better, after all.
He grinned. Nothing would stop him from achieving his dream.
Shih-Tzus are the cats of dogs.
There are many animals that we can say are the cats of their species, and today I would like to discuss Shih-Tzus.
Shih-Tzus are the cats of dogs, more specifically, they are the cats of small dogs. The following is my list of why I consider this to be true.
1. if they fits, they sits.
A very common cat trait that happens so often it has had a phrase made for it. As a Shih-Tzu owner I can personally attest that if they have even the slightest thought that they may fit, they will sits.
2. I love you, pet me, now I hate you.
Another very common cat trope, often seen with the more “I am a god and you are my servant” cats. Personally this is 60/40 toss up when it comes to Shih-Tzus. I believe that it depends on the person who is petting them. If it is the primary owner, then they shall always allow pets, but if it anyone else…. Eh, they’ll allow it but not for long and then they’ll attack your hand.
3. The belly pet attack hand thing
When lying on their back, belly in the air for you to pet, they act all cute and entice you to pet the belly. The beloved puppy belly, petting it is an honor only bestowed upon those the puppy loves. So of course, when offered an opportunity to pet the belly, ONE PETS THE BELLY. However, it was all a trap! As soon as the hand has approached the belly, tiny paws and jaws have captured it for gnawing. This trap is well known to be made and used by cats, so why does a Shih-Tzu use it?
4. Allowing you to pet them
Shih-Tzus are one of the few dogs breeds that allow you to pet them. Which is fine, I see nothing wrong with have boundaries between pet and owner. However it is such an odd behavior in dogs, and a very very common one in cats.
5. A sense of superiority
All Shih-Tzus have a sense of superiority when it comes to people and other dogs. They may be small, but they are apparently the kings/queens of their world. This is a path of thought known to only be present in cats. The idea that the pet is the owner and the human is the servant the serves it at its whim is specifically a cat thought process. Yet Shih-Tzus not only have this thought process, they also actively carry it out!
Perhaps, by themselves, none of these reasons are cause for concern or are worthy of a second glance. But when one starts to put the puzzle pieces together one realizes that there is true cause for wonder.
In conclusion, Shih-Tzus display many thought processes and behaviors known to be commonly and mainly used by cats, thus proving that Shih-Tzus are the cats of dogs.
Midnight Births Thursday
It’s a softer light than what they say
Top heavy mountain listing off toward the compression of grief
I can fight a fury from the ground up
Stitch the rage into stomach lining
Drop my organs into the donation box
I’ll let it pass for a safety net
We all sleep on the ground sometimes
We all live in the open air sometimes
It’s only smart thinking
Call it a last will and testament
Charcoal as a beneficiary
I want to bury the inheritance
I want to cut out my own throat
Drown in the aftermath
Missing my Innocence
I miss the innocence of my eyes,
that have seen media posts they were never meant to see.
That have seen the perversion of man and can never go back
To seeing the world in its purest form.
I miss the innocence of my mouth,
that has spoken unforgivable words
to friends and loved ones.
That has broken promises and betrayed trust.
That has experimented in ways that it will always regret.
I miss the innocence of my ears,
that have heard the gossip of others.
That have listened to empty promises all shrouded under the word
“I love you.”
I miss the innocence of my mind,
that has been rewired and become addicted
to things that were never planned.
That has changed and morphed due to poor decisions
and mental illness.
That has learned disgusting and disturbing words.
That has been let down by people that were once called friends.
I just
miss the innocence I once had.