4:00 a.m.

and I just feel like laughing.

All alone in my room,

all alone in the dark.

And yet I sit here laughing,

truly happy from the heart.

The euphoria of being up so late,

when everyone is sleeping,

while I smile wide awake.

Who cares about waking up tomorrow?

How tired I'll be,

or that parking ticket fee.

For right now I'm on top of the world,

my heart is swelling up high.

With my hair lying flat,

perfectly uncurled,

I don't care what you think,

I'm just a teenage girl.

These moments where I'm truly myself.

These times where I don't pretend.

Not for my parents,

and not for my friends.

It's like looking at the world through a different lens.

No one to judge,

no one to care.

I think what I want,

and I'll say what I will.

For it's just me and my empty room,

with only my mouth to spill.

And so I'll whisper my secrets,

reveal all my lies.

I'll voice all my worries,

my dreams and my hopes,

and eventually,

time will fly.

And when the clock strikes 5,

I'll lay down and rest,

and reminisce

in

this

happiness.

remember the night I drove for hours,

just to share the last smoke of day

with you as the sun rose,

and you let me read the diary

you kept when you were little,

and we both thought,

all the words were about us,

and I told you where to find

the empty spaces I had covered

with heart-grafts and heat,

then you asked if I had extra,

so I covered you too,

and it hurt,

and scared us to feel whole,

knowing how easy it would be

for the other, to make everything

covered become permanently exposed,

and it would never be like this again,

so I traced the lines in your palm

until I knew that my touch

was normal enough to never

make you flinch.