You shouldn't be scared of what's inside your own head,

But what if, what's in my head, it's terrifying?

Shouldn't I be scared then?

What if everything in my head screams and screeches?

You shouldn't hate what's inside your own head,

But what if everything in my head is revolting?

Shouldn't I hate the hateful?

What if all I know irks me every minute I think?

You shouldn't have monsters inside your own head,

But what if they've been there all your life?

Shouldn't I leave them be?

What if they'll stop their abuse and begin to love?

I know I shouldn't be scared, hate, and house monsters,

But what if I can't help myself?

Shouldn't I do what I please?

What if being scared, hating, and housing makes me who I am?

What then?

Leaves fell to the ground that day

On a cold January night.

I am a lost boy

No goals, no ambitions

It's late at night and I'm trying to let my emotions loose

These feelings inside won't leave.

Dear young me:

It's me

Please come back.

Things are just rough.

Cold hands

Held down by my own fears

"What Am I?"

I chased after your image

A young man

For you are the closest to me

I don't want to be average

Devoid of thought

Aimlessly going through the days

It's always on my mind

Yet I am a coward

Say, won't you come back?

Please save me

Help

The answer lies with you

At least, I hope so

In the wake of our waltz

On this darkening stage

I disclosed my deception,

My monster uncaged.

Sharpened claws on your neck

Razor teeth in my grin

Venom coursing my veins

As I rupture your skin.

Crimson coated my lips

Death reigns in my wake.

A true fiend in the flesh

For the lives that I take.

Where's the fear in your eyes?!

Where's the disgust in my name?!

Your whispered words in my ear,

"We are one and the same."

In the wake of our waltz

On this darkening stage

You disclosed your deception

And extended your fangs.

Santa’s watching and so am I,

He’s asked me to be his little spy.

If you don’t behave little boy,

I’ll tell him not to bring you a toy.

The Easter bunny is on his way,

You better do as I say.

If you don’t shake a leg,

I will eat your chocolate egg.

The tooth fairy only comes,

to kids that listen to their Mums.

If you don’t brush your teeth, honey,

She won’t leave you any money.

Your birthday is a few days away.

You want a ball and bat you say?

If you don’t do your homework smarty,

You won’t have a birthday party.

Parents are always giving threats,

playing on what their child frets,

Manipulating kids to do their chores,

or stopping power struggle wars.

Telling lies to gain control

When teaching respect should be their goal.

Ignorance is still adored 

Media come and abhor us

Mediocrity applauded

Through these hard times

I'll work harder for resolution. 

you strut around 

not a care in the world

not seeing the destruction left at your feet

you tread over corpses

slain at your doing

but you don't even glance down 

you invited me in 

telling me things you've never told others 

sucking me into your black hole

your black hole of abandonment 

of despair

of lies 

you had me wrapped around your finger 

you commanded me to do your murders

I fell under the pressure 

I fell to your will

I was forced,

forced to kill 

to maim 

even to love 

you wiped the blood from your victims onto my hands

I didn't resist

I was foolishly content

no longer 

no longer will I serve you unconditionally 

you were tearing me apart with your bare hands 

but I was too blind to see 

too blind to see the malice in your eyes

I will not let you break me any longer

the fire you spit out 

with every word you speak 

will never see the light of day again

realize what you do, I scream 

look at your feet, look at the bodies, I cry 

you lift your head higher 

I'm leaving you

you're all alone now, I exclaim

you march on

nothing I say will sway you; I crumble 

all the dead you leave behind 

have gained one new member 

shattered by your lies

broken by your terror 

the bodies have gained 

one 

more 

comrade

me

You never had to disguise yourself.

I was aware of the way your eyes felt as they stalked me.

love holds no comparison to the way it feels to be preyed upon.  

My kind the perused, we were the sought after.

How rare a breed, capable of unconditional love,

an endless flow of which you may feed your dying soul.

Glutinous intent left you greedily ravaging me.

All the while the mightiest of hunters became weak.

Guilt a silent predator forced you to your knees.

Selfishness the undoing.

you never even stopped to notice all the things that guarded me. While still drawing joy from my bones ,

Asphyxiation became the last thing to remind you

of the emptiness you settled for.

blindly surviving and forgetting how to live.

The chains you thought had kept me here were never even real.

Two days ago I didn’t know you

I didn’t know your face

I didn’t know what would happen to me

At that first discreet embrace.

You came here with a fire

I had never known

And with that fire burned me down

’Till my heart was yours alone.

I had never known the feeling

You brought here when you came

And I could hardly bear the answer

I knew I had to explain.

The throbbing pain inside my head

Was like never before

It showed me all our sweet moments

Before I struck that painful chord.

It made me question why

Why I had to push you away

It made me wilt when I couldn't tell you

I thought of you everyday.

And all I could ever want

Was to kiss you goodnight

To show you how I feel

And to feel that it’s alright.

What I’d give to spend eternity,

Holding you tight

Even if eternity only lasted

Till the red of morning light.

This feeling deep within,

I wish would never end

This feeling deep within me

Alas, is foe as well as friend.

It feels as if it will break me

But from my path cannot bend

And if I don’t find solace

You'll own my heart until the end.

And if you forget me quickly

It’ll tear me apart

But it may be the best thing,

’cause I suffered from the start.

Two days ago I didn't know you

I barely knew your name

Two days ago I didn’t know

I’d never be the same.

You looked at me as if I were some precious resource,

Some rarity

And that’s when I realized I wasn’t enough for you

I couldn’t give you what you needed,

What you were looking for

And while thinking this,

I started to wonder if I loved you at all,

Or if I was looking for someone to complete me

I don’t know what I want

Out of you, out of anyone

It’s as if I could never be content on my own

But a month with someone else is too much

I realize I am not easily satisfied

Perhaps I should come with a warning

“All beware! This person will make you feel

loved and needed but come the first month,

expect your heart to be broken.”

With this realization,

I have come to believe that love isn’t for me

That I should stay away before

I hurt someone else

And I shall

Until, perhaps, the day someone shows me

A love I have never known