As a teenager, I had one love. He made me strong and never left my side. When I went through a tough time, he was there making sure I got out of it.

Freshman year, I was starting out in a new school and he made sure I knew exactly where I was going, and that I would always have a lunch buddy.

Sophmore year, I dealt with depression. He was there to hold my hand and wipe my tears.

But Junior year...

Junior year my sister died, leaving me in pieces. I wanted to end it all. I called him with tears streaming down my face. I told him goodbye. He rushed over to my house and held me the entire night. The only thing I remember him saying is

"You're not allowed to die, okay? Promise me you won't die."

I tried to argue with him, saying I was better off dead and that nobody cared, but he was persistant on making me promise. So I did...

"I promise."

That was 200 years ago today...

I don't know what he did to me, but it worked. I kept my promise.

I have tried. Tried to end it. Tried to find a way out of this "spell" I'm in but I can't find a way. A way to escape life.

I've watched everyone I care about leave me. Escaping this world and leaving me on it. I don't know what to do. My heart longs for my love, but I'm stuck here on this world. Alone.

Every night I pray to God that he will help me break my promise so I can leave this world, but nothing works. I am stuck here. Forever.

Alone.

There are 77,358 square miles in the boring state of ours,

3.797 million square miles in this country of freedom,

196.9 million square miles on this sphere I shall never leave,

and 46.6 billion light years in the universe I will never travel.

But yet, there should be no space between us.

Lips on lips,

Bodys touching,

pushed into each other,

legs tangled,

fingers interlaced.

No Space

Out of the unlimited space we have in this world,

none should be between us.

The only thing that ever came out of that mouth of yours were lies. You lied so much that I couldn't even tell you when you were telling the truth. You twisted your corrupt words into food and fed them to me until I was full of lies about how you saw me or how you felt. "I love you"s thrown around like seeds, you hoping one would plant in my brain and grow into a rose telling me over and over that you loved me. But now you're gone and I can see right through you. The rose thorns stabbing my mind, making me numb when thinking about you. You hurt me.

And I'm afraid to love anymore.

My biggest fear out of a world filled to the brim in hate is to love. You broke me, trained me like the little puppy dog I am to sit and stay when I should've ran.

I am so afraid that I can't love anyone, I can't let anyone love me.

And so I hurt.

I hurt myself and the people who want to love me. This fear constantly whispering in my ear making me push anyone and everyone away who tries to help me. I built a wall around my heart out of the bricks you threw at me, but I locked everyone out and left me inside alone. My heart is empty, never to be filled again and it is because you lied.

They say lying is such a basic thing that humans will and always will do, but the amount of lies and hatred that came from your sweet lips I didn't think was humanly possible. You hurt me in ways I never thought you were capable of. Tormenting and torturing me with your words and actions and yet I still love you

And thats why my fear is love.

The only thing I can ever think about is your eyes. Every moment I'm awake I am flooded with thoughts, dreams, desires to stare into your eyes. Face to face. Eyes on each other- never wanting to look away as if when we broke eye contact, our entire bodies would shatter- taking away our hope as we fall, in shards, to the ground.

When I'm asleep- well that's a whole new story. I dream of your lips- our lips- meeting. The taste of you is addictive and I can never get enough. The only problem is forgetting to breathe and having to break away from each other- like two magnets with an attraction so high that you can barely pull them apart- to catch our breath before feeding the addiction that I cannot stop.

I constantly believe that we would be perfect together. It would be the ideal love story that we would tell our kids when they ask.

And then reality hits me.

As I'm over here dreaming about life with you, you're there. Pining for another.

Everything I ever though of, dreamt of, and longed for was fiction. It wasn't a fairy tale, you wouldn't be there to kiss me awake, or save me from evil stepsisters. I'd stay asleep for all eternity, I'd be stuck scrubbing floors forever because my prince wasn't actually my prince at all. You're in another story leading another princess on a magic carpet ride or climbing up a tower for her. I am not and never will be your princess.

I'm not your princess because I am not one at all. I am a peasent and peasents don't get their happy endings. They get nothing. I get nothing.

Because I am nothing to you.

You are born.

The love of your mother radiating off of her,

Holding you in her arms.

As the years go by, the love increases.

But the lover is different,

He steals your heart

And gives you his last name in return.

Then she is born.

Your daughter.

Your love radiates off of you

While you hold your love.

As the years go by

She finds her own love too.

And,

as time moves forward,

She has her own love of her own.