I used to drink to numb

The wound that was once my heart

I sliced my sternum at midnight

Reaching into my cavernous chest

And with the grip of my right hand trembling

I tore the flesh of you out

And drunk, I grabbed a mallet

And with its steel head I began to pound

All memories and life from the beat

Of my delicate and vital pulse

And all hope was rendered lifeless

Just rancid pieces of flaccidity remained

And like a cutlet rotten

I discarded it without a thought

Husky coffee voice resonates,

longing hanging on the line,

grasping onto your lightning,

clinging to soul across the globe.

Crooning echoes passionately flow -

the boiling burgundy of unshed tears,

clenching teeth wanted to slip into your soul,

black wine sunset memories as I strip naked

and melt into the sultry promise of you.

Together, we are shadows in the setting sun

walking our long road into the starry night,

nestled in each other’s minds, breathing

life into soft words, our love cushioned

in thoughts of you swimming lazily

in my essence, bathing in my stillness,

and I hold onto your voice until you return.

Red glow of heat

suck it in

flick ashes

burning tobacco

cinders into your soul

        it’s okay, it’s all right

you’re hooked

addiction to your brim

seeps in – puffs of smoke

        it’s okay, it’s all right

cigarette companies

promise it’ll be better

just use light ones

the special filters

         it’s okay, it’s all right

don’t admit

it will kill you

in little pieces

dribbles of life

seeping away

inhaling your breath

        it’s okay, it’s all right

can’t breathe

cancer cells creeping

hearts attacking

chronic bronchitis

companies never

admitting fault

free samples

hook the young

send them on down

the road

to tobacco addiction

        it’s okay, it’s all right

more addictive

than crack or cocaine

make that money

tote that bale

watch them drop

like flies

        it’s okay, it’s all right

untruths fly by

above your head

kills you dead

but slowly

insidious death

taps on window

you’ll never know

what hit you

Watch your

loved ones

slip away

tobacco stain

reminders

of fatal mistake

lies, lies, lies

cigarette makers-

you lied

loved ones died.

        It’s not okay

        It’s not all right!

Molten bodies melding,

fused in melody

only we can hear.

Burnished diamonds

of evening vault

rising as one

in reborn sky.

Passion painting

our souls,

limbs strengthening

when we tumble.

Gazes bound together

with silken thread.

Gossamer paper

wrapped tenderly

around hearts

in deep cobalt shadows

of dusk, pulsing.

Endless ecstasy

of seared skin

from before

time was born.

she has never broken a bone

but sometimes she wonders

if that's less painful

when it comes to this

(whatever this is)

this slight needle digging between

her ribs

she thought this would be

different

all her dreams were 

possible

she could do 

anything

but it wasn't true

someone lied to her

everyone lied to her

she lied to 

herself

she knew she would pretend

as if she had changed

or the world had

changed 

how could she let this happen

again 

how could she 

(how dare she)

dream

and hope

when she was already drowning

already burning

disintegrating

breaking

what is she even doing

here

does she belong 

here

she doesn't belong

here 

she doesn't belong 

anywhere

she doesn't know where to run

and she's run for hours and 

hours and 

centuries 

but everything looks the same

in the dark 

Isn't that funny? I thought I wasn't afraid of anything. I'm afraid of a bathroom scale. 

I never liked math, numbers. Numbers share your secrets. "What size are you?" and people suddenly know you. They know you have no restraint or discipline. They know you're lazy. They know that you behave and follow the rules because "at least she's nice" is all you have. You don't have the leeway that a slim waist and high cheekbones afford. 

I know. I know why. It's not their fault that they treat you this way. It's human nature. After all, it's human nature. Forgive them. You have to. They told you to. 

It was your fault. Don't forget, it was your fault. You're the one to blame. It's your body, your mistake, your flaws. You have control and you let go. Why did you let go? You let yourself stumble and you didn't get up. No one had to help. 

You were too weak. Why did you lose control? You must be too weak. 

Why should I? Why didn't I? No, don't help me. I'm strong. I can stand up, I can fix this. I'm fine. I said, I'm fine. Leave me alone. 

Why won't anyone help me?

You were always a good storyteller,

A good liar

Maybe that's how you convinced me

We had a future

When we never had a present

Be selfish

often

and love yourself

first

You cannot love

wholeheartedly

if you are not

whole