To the ever-faithful F.
I couldn't start to tell you
How grateful I am.
Four years ago,
You found me,
And haven't left since.
We both know
Trying to pin down our relationship
Is impossible.
Friends,
Siblings,
Lovers,
We both know,
It's beyond words.
For now, 'soulmate' will do the trick.
All these days, you've never once not talked to me
You always remember
To check up
On how I'm doing.
You never miss a day.
Even at,
My lowest,
And most toxic,
You stood faithfully beside me.
You are perfect for me.
A match made in heaven if there is such a place.
In my days of darkness and doubt
You were both a light
And a mirror
Reminding me that though you loved me
I have to remember
To rely firstly on myself.
When I am wrong, you let me know
Gently
To change my behavior
And when I need love
You are always there
Ready for it.
So, to my dearest F-
I love you
So fully
Words fail me.
As I always and forever will be,
your love,
-S
Burning Stomach
Hands
Force me down
Pin my shoulders
Against
A metal table
Blank faces peer down
I don't know
If their features are empty
Or if my eyes are foggy
And I scream
So loudly
That i don't make a sound
My jaw
Cracked open
A smoldering ember
Dropped into
My stomach
It sits there
Almost burning a hole
Through my abdomen
But somehow
It is suspended
Turned into pain
Without action
And I try to move
Writhing with discomfort
But still
I am forced
Into inaction
Panic mounts
Tears spring to my eyes
I see a familiar figure
At the edge of my vision
And as I call out for help
There are promises
Of empty caliber
That I'llll be saved
Fixed
But of course
My pleas fall
On your silent ears
Unlike Me
My hands shake
So unsteady
I grip the wheel
Tighter
The sun
Is blinding
But not more
Than my heartache
Tear me apart
Dissect me to find
The raw places
The broken bones
You leave me there
Uncared for
You leave me there
Unloved
And now I'm so
Unlike myself
My hands quake
Tires screech on asphalt
And I blink through
The tears
Empty face
So damn empty
Your face in my mind
I swear I let you go
And yet you still follow me
What the hell were you thinking?
Why did you let it go so far?
There’s no justification
No excuse
I can only say
I love you
Will be there
Always
But for now
I'm empty
Angry
Cursing your name and your life
Because
I know
I'll always miss you
I'll be empty
For a long time
Wishing
Begging
For you to come back
Change your mind
But I know
That'll never happen
I was Younger
Fourteen again
Promising I'll always be there
But it was a lie
I was a lier.
Fourteen again
Thinking these relationships
This place
Was my real home
I was just lonely
Still waiting for friends
I would never know.
Fourteen again
Wishing to see you
My heart hurting
At your tears
Fourteen again
Promising forever
But meaning
None of it.
Scared of the Future
I am dragged into tomorrow
Kicking and screaming
Nails catching on carpet
pleasedontmakemegodontmakemedealwithmyself
But of course
Time drags on
Deaf to my desperate please.
Morning dawns
And I barricade myself
In a prison
Meant to keep me safe.
Rosebushes
Keep everyone out.
This place
Is mine alone.