Dearest Duncan,

I cannot describe to you how excited I was for this day to come. I could barely hold it within me, I was so a thrilled. I used to go around town introducing you as my fiancé as we went to cake tastings, picking out things for our new home, going to fittings; I couldn’t get enough of the word. Fiancé. I couldn’t wait for the day that I got to introduce you to people as my husband. Not only were you the source of my joy, you were the love of my life.

But things change. People change. But I never, in all the years I’ve known you, thought it would have been you to be the one that would change. You were the consistency I could count on, no matter the situation. Things change, circumstances change, you changed.

So, here we are on our wedding day. I can almost picture you tucking your tie into your vest. Smiling in the mirror, all your buddies slapping you on the back telling you how lucky you are to have landed a girl like me. I can almost imagine you saying how you are the lucky one, that I chose you instead of those other bumbling idiots that fumble over their words trying to get my attention. However, you and I both know that I only had eyes for you.

I do believe that at some point in our time together you did love me. Not like the friendship love we’ve recently fallen into… No, I believe you actually did care about me and loved me how a boyfriend, a fiancé, a husband is supposed to love their significant other. Somewhere in between the proposal and the tux fittings you lost that spark. Mine never left.

I want you to know I still have that spark; I still love you and it kills me with every word I write that I have to make this decision, but I can’t go into a marriage knowing what I do and knowing what we’ve both done. I loved you and I will always love you with every fiber of my heart and while my heart is telling me to rip up this letter my brain and soul are telling me I deserve to be happy no matter what I may be losing.

I know about those long nights at the “office,” and those casual business meetings that took you away from me for weeks at a time. It killed me knowing that all my worst fears were confirmed. It killed me, even more, when you thought we could walk away from it unscathed. I can’t go on pretending to this happy couple with this dark secret looming over us. I need to be honest with myself and with my family. You need to find whatever it is you’re looking for, and I hope with all of my soul that you do find whatever it is you’re searching for. I just guess I wasn’t enough to fulfill all your needs.

So, by now I hope you’ve guessed or at least gotten the hint that I’m leaving you tonight after this rehearsal. You won’t see me again. I just want you to know that while you took each of my bridesmaids out for a “thank-you for all their help” dinner, I know what you had “proposed” to each of them. Just know this. While all my best friends in the world turned you down, your “best men” all took me up on my offer, which wasn’t too different than the offer you gave my friends. I guess my “friends” had more balls than your “friends” to tell me the truth.

Enjoy the honeymoon and your hand. My parents already know about tonight and are sending you the bill for all the expenses of the wedding you refused to help out with. Your parents also know as well, and let’s just say they’re not too thrilled with their son’s “actions.”

I wish you all the luck, and by the looks of it, with the caterings waitress.

With Love,

Your, now ex, fiancé

(In case you forgot, it’s Olivia.)

I wake up each day and have to remind myself.

I can’t call you.

I can’t hug you.

I can’t see you.

Each day I have to remind myself that you’re not here, but everywhere.

You’re in the thoughts I think.

You’re in the air I breathe.

You’re in the step that guides me.

Each day I remind myself, you are here and I can feel you.