if my heart cast a shadow,

would you look for me in

basic anatomy, the underlying

veins and arteries?

if my lungs cast a shadow,

would you see the black,

the smoke that got stuck

in between every crevice?

if my internet search history

cast a shadow, would you see

that I am trying so hard

to get better at this writing thing?

if my personal history cast a shadow,

would it be spring?

or would it be perpetually winter

another six weeks

of the same stories recycled

over and over until they don't

mean anything?

a constant murmur,

grows into a cacophony,

ringing, blaring, screaming;

eyes tightly shut,

hands cover the ears

to let in silence.

Something eats away at my brain,

are these emotions,

why do I cling,

To my selfish mind,

criminal,

wasting away the years,

on something my mind,

replays, over and over,

smashing the pause button,

over your head,

for filling my head with such,

criminal lines, that attack,

on the inside, bashing,

till the cracking sound,

echoes in my bones.

Being sober is boring and I dunno,

Makes me enjoy the simpler times,

Instead of lingering in some virtual world,

I belong, these words dont mean nought without,

being read out loud, I want my voice to be heard,

But I dunno where to shout,

Where do i go to shout?

Whose ears are ready to listen,

get out your head, its a prison,

writing is fine for a time,

so take advantage,

knowing what awaits the otherside,

who lays in the shade, awaiting there time.

Am I attractive to you?

Or do you just like my sense of humor?

Is it my never-ending questions and curious mind?

Or how my legs look under the sun?

Whatever it may be

It's a trap.

A beautifully constructed and strategically made trap.

My large eyes tell you pretty white lies.

And my words touch you warmly inside.

Just like a shot of liquor.

A burning sensation at first that is quickly followed by waves of warmth

that spreads throughout your chest.

It's bittersweet.

Because you know it's bad for you but it makes you feel alive and less alone.

So you continue to drink it and wonder how.

How did one shot turn into four and then you find yourself waking up on the floor?

I guess that is why they say

Drink Responsibly.

You are so horrible

I can’t stop thinking about you

The irritating way you speak my name

Captures my full attention

The weird way you view the world

Makes me laugh with abandon

And your regrettably stupid face…

Too handsome to bear

I really can’t stand you

I just thought you should know

You suck

You suck

I'm tired of going to funerals

I'm tired of your baseless threats

you dangle life in your fingertips

to push away

when faced with inconvenience

your comments slip out

"I'm going to kill myself"

"let me just go walk out into traffic"

"how about I throw myself off that building"

and I interject

blunt words

NO

no more funerals

no more death

please stop pretending

that your lives are so easy to play with

It was hidden there,

melting in soft ice.

His tongue, yellow,

and cowering behind

the birdcage.

The fog began to lift

from the mystery as

I crushed a walnut

with the palm of my hand

on the kitchen table.

He looked at me,

and I felt a tug pull from

my swollen womb.

All the proportions

of the room began to shift into

the scars of Prometheus.

His chin bent slightly

to the horizon, and

his eyes fixed neon.

A volcano rumbled

in the distance.

He paused,

"Maybe we should..."

There it was,

the shadow of his former

self became a streak

of red that reflected in

the window.

His smile morphed

into a pitiful grin, and

his words spat cyanide.

"The Nevada desert was so cold

in the winter."

I pinched the walnut shell between my fingers.

"That's fine, you should go."

My face contorted as the door closed, and our unborn child began to bleed.